Act Like Men Testimony - Travis Crotwell

Good morning. As Pastor Chris introduced me, I think most of you know us. My name is Travis Crotwell, my wife Sarah. We are members here at Grace Life Church. We have our four children. I'm sure you guys have seen them running around. Samuel, Cece, Matthew, and Maverick. Really excited for this opportunity this morning to share about what God has done and what God is doing in our life. I believe Pastor Bill touched on this yesterday a little bit. I believe our testimony is not just one moment in time.

There was a day and a time when God saved me, when He redeemed me, but He continues to tell this story of His work in and through us and I'm excited at any opportunity I get to share that. It's a continuing story, a helping story, if you will. Just to make sure for the sake of time and in an attempt to remain concise, I've put some thoughts down here to provide a little bit of structure because I tend to get excited. When I get excited, it's like chasing a squirrel. I don't want to end up in left field. I want to stay exactly where God has brought me to this morning as I've been praying through this.

When I think about my testimony, the first word that comes to mind is change. Change. According to the Oxford dictionary, the word change when used as a verb means to make or become different, make or become a different substance entirely to transform. The word change when used as a noun would refer to the act or instance of making or becoming different, the substitution of one thing for another. See, change, what I've learned is change requires exchange and replace. It's impossible to change while remaining the same. That's just not possible. It's impossible.

True change requires exchange and replace and that is exactly what God did in my life. It's all about what He did. This testimony is all about what God has done in my life. He brought about this exchange of the old me for the new me. He replaced the old with the new and it's funny because still to this day, people I know continue to ask what has changed in your life. They say you are different. How did you change? Why did you change? How much time do you have is often my response because I'd love to share. That said, I am more excited about what He did and what He is doing versus who I used to be.

As Pastor Chris mentioned, I really don't want to spend much time on the old me but just to provide some context, I'll talk a little bit about the old but mostly about the new this morning. The old me spent way too much time trying to change on my own. For as long as I can remember prior to Christ, I always had this sort of incomplete feeling. I always felt unsatisfied. No matter how good things were or bad things were, I just felt unsatisfied. I always found myself wanting more. So my response often in those situations was to change, to change something, change so that I can obtain better, change so that I can be better.

Because this time if I changed this one thing, everything would be perfect. I would change my priorities, motivations, habits, friends, relationships, commitments, methods, all sorts of things change all in an attempt to be better, be more accepted and finally find satisfaction. But the truth is this only led me to temporary satisfaction. Time and time again, I found myself having to make another change to be the person people expected me to be or to be the person I thought I needed to be. This is a picture of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

It was insanity and that was me making all sorts of changes thinking that I finally had it all figured out and put together. Finally, if I just change this one thing, I'll have happiness and freedom and peace and joy and fulfillment and confidence and stability only to be found a short time later needing another change. But the truth is this morning, the only thing that can and will lead to everlasting completely satisfying once and for all change in our life is the life changing gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ephesians chapter 2 verse 1 through 3, "And you he made alive who were dead in trespasses and sins in which he once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lust of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath just as the others." See, I was hopeless and helpless apart from Christ. Paul writes that God made you alive who once were dead in trespasses and sins.

See, when I was apart from Christ, I was truly dead in trespasses and sins. While I thought I had this thing called life figured out, the sort of "I got this" mentality, I don't know if you can relate to that, but that was me. I mean, no matter what I came up against, I always felt like, "Man, I got this. I can figure this out." Just so much pride, right? But the truth is I was actually infected with a disease, a disease called sin, and death was the result of my sickness.

When Paul uses that word, and I love this, when Paul uses that word dead in verse 1, in the original Greek, that word means to be unable to be resuscitated or to respond to stimulus. "There was no inclination or responsiveness in my life toward God, no ability to please God, no desire to please God. I was truly dead in trespasses and sins." Paul writes in verse 2 that according to his word, what he pins here, "I believe I walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of this disobedience." And as he writes in verse 3, "I also conducted myself in the lust of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind." Paul also tells us in verse 3 that apart from Jesus, we are truly children of wrath.

In other words, in that state, I was subject to God's condemnation. That was me. But, but, the Ephesians 2, 4 tells us, "But God, who is rich in mercy because of his great love with which he loved us," verse 5, "even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ." Verse 6, "And raised us up together and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus." Verse 7, "That in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace and his kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." See that word "but God"? That phrase right there, anytime you see a "but God" in the Bible, it represents a contrast.

"But God" in my life represented change. See, in my life, after I had decided to give this church, church thing a try because my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, she had been pressing me to go to church with her for a while. She was saved when she was at 12 and she was dedicated to the church for a period and then she kind of fell out and we came together. God brought us together, I believe that. And there was some conviction taking place in her life and she was pressing in to me and I wasn't helping her with those convictions, right? I was trying to pull her in the opposite direction.

And there was this battle going on in her life and basically she gave me an ultimatum. You know, we're going to start going to church or this is going to be over with. And so finally I decided to give this church thing a try and attend church with her as sort of a New Year's resolution. Who in here has made a New Year's resolution before? I don't know about you but those typically don't work out that well. This one did. So January 2013 I attended church for the first time in many years. I was raised Catholic.

I believe I was brought up in the Catholic church solely because my parents, my mom in particular, thought it was the right thing to do. Her parents, my grandparents, they were all Catholic. It was this, you know, so I think out of just her feeling like it was the right thing to do, like if she brought us to church it would make us good people, right? But as soon as I could choose not to go, I didn't go. I mean that was, you know, as soon as I could choose not to go, I didn't go to church.

And so if you can understand this being raised Catholic, I'm having this conversation with my wife, my girlfriend at the time and she's like, you know, you need to come to church with me and I'm thinking like, okay, so what's this thing you guys do at church? Like you sing, you stand and he's going to talk like it was just so foreign to me, right? Trying to wrap my mind around what this experience would look like. But I did. And as soon as I did that very first Sunday we visited, I heard the life changing gospel of Jesus Christ preached. See, God began to do a work in my heart.

I began to hear about what Paul writes in verse four that God is rich in mercy. He started to draw me to himself. However, I was given my best effort to ignore this. I found myself at church the next week, the next week and the next week. And every week I would find myself white knuckled being convicted to a point that was pretty much unbearable, but I would suppress the feeling because the pride in me still lied to me. It still wanted to, it still wanted control. It continued to tell me that I was okay and that I had this all figured out. And I guess in a sort of unconventional way on March 12th, 2013, I could not suppress anymore.

It was not a Sunday service. It wasn't a response to an invitation. It wasn't a walk down the aisle and say this prayer type of moment. It was a Tuesday evening. I was on my way home from work. God had been dealing with me. And listen, when I say God had been dealing with me, he had been dealing with me. And so I found myself pulled over on the side of a major highway weeping because for the first time in my life, I tasted God's mercy, God's grace, God's love. And in that moment, I had some understanding of just exactly how ugly my sin was.

And at the same time, I don't know how this works, but I had some understanding of how amazing, how awesome, how beautiful, how holy God was. God confronted me in that moment with my sin and showed me the amazingness of His grace and His mercy all at the same time. As Paul writes in verses 5 through 7, God made me alive together with Christ. God chose me to be raised up with His Son. God allowed me to sit in heavenly places with His Son. God showed me the exceeding riches of His grace and kindness toward me in Christ. I was alive together with Christ and this was all God's doing.

Ephesians 2 continuing on verses 8 and 9, "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast." See, I believe verse 8 and 9 paints this beautiful picture of the life-changing gospel that I encountered, God's grace. See, God had every right to leave me dead in my trespasses and sins. But He kindly and undeservingly made me alive in Christ. He kindly and undeservingly demonstrated His grace. It was nothing I did. It was everything He did. It truly is a gift. Paul writes that in verse 8.

You know, elsewhere he pins in Romans 6.23 he says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." See here's that gift. I began to understand the gift and that gift was that God took my sin and placed it upon Jesus on the cross. While at the same time God took the righteousness of Christ and placed it upon me on March 12, 2013. That is the gift He gave to me without receipt. And I was instantly excited about this gift. You know, we see this in our four children. Big or small, regardless of what it is, when they receive a gift they cannot wait to show it off.

They cannot wait to show it off. They cherish it. They adore it. Maybe even brag about it a little bit. That was me. Instantly I could not get enough of Jesus. I wanted more. So my wife and I went to small group the very next night that Wednesday. Not sure what to expect. I met with one of our pastors that week to talk about what happened. We scheduled my baptism. I was baptized just a few weeks later on May 6th. My wife and I got engaged that same weekend. We got married on November 9th, 2013. I was baptized. We started serving in the youth group.

We also started doing street ministry with a dear friend of mine who is now pastoring a church in Virginia. I'll never forget. He's really, at this time, he was the guy that really discipled me. And I really didn't know church language. I didn't know church lingo. But I knew God had done something in my life. And I couldn't help but tell other people about it. I remember going out. He approached me and he said, "Look, we're doing this on Saturdays. We're passing out food. We're trying to build relationships with people that live at this one particular place.

Why don't you come out?" So I went out with him that first Saturday and in typical Chet fashion. As soon as we walked up to the first door, he put me on the spot. He said, "Why don't you get this one?" I didn't know what I was doing. So I just knocked on the door. And this is not a place that you want to bring your kids. It was called the Sugar Bowl Motel in the home of Louisiana. So you can only imagine what happens at the Sugar Bowl Motel. So I knocked on the door and this guy opens the door and he's like, "What?" I mean, just disgruntled. And so I didn't know what to say. So I just kind of froze. I'm like, "We have some food for you.

Can I pray with you?" You know, I mean, it was terrible. Right? It was terrible. But anyway, through that season, God began to cultivate this heart in me for the loss. He really changed me. See, prior to Christ, I found myself at a place where I just didn't like people anymore. My phone would ring. It could be family. It could be friends. It could be work. Like the last thing I wanted to hear was my phone ring. I didn't want to talk to people. I was so bitter and angry and miserable. And it's amazing how God can change that same heart and turn it into a heart that just loves people. That's nothing I could do in my own power. It was all Him.

This went on for a couple of years and then in 2015, we had our first child, Samuel. And it was at that time that God began to teach me a lesson when we had our first child. See, I struggled to find balance when Samuel was born. We were heavily involved in the ministry. We had this event coming up for that same outreach. I'll never forget this. It was a Saturday and I was about to walk out the door. Samuel was about three months old. I was about to walk out the door to go help set up for this event. And I could see just this weight on my wife. And in that moment, God really began to teach me about my accountability to Him with my family.

He taught me that I needed to be the primary theologian in my family, the primary apologist in my family. He helped me to recognize that others were on this journey with me and I needed to be aware of where I was taking them. I really learned how to bow a knee before taking a step during this period. See, acting like a man being a man of God, God taught me that bowing a knee to Him being humble solely relying on His grace was actual strength. 2 Corinthians 12, His grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness. I'm weak. I had to learn that. I'm not wise. I needed His grace. I needed His strength. I needed His wisdom.

And so since that time to now, God has continued to remind me about my dependency upon Him. In 2016, our church and the church we were a part of in Louisiana brought me on staff. In 2017, I was ordained into the gospel ministry. I started leading mission trips, startup ministry outreach programs we had in 2018, a lot like what Pastor Bill was talking about. My pastor at the time, apparently saw something in me that no one else saw or I believed was in there. He put me up to begin providing pulp pit supply throughout the association. And so almost every weekend I was preaching somewhere.

It was a running joke in our house that I was the traveling preacher. And I say all this to say God's sovereignty while I was doing this, things were turning toxic at our home church. And I feel like in hindsight, it was His way of protecting me from the things that were beginning to take place at our home church at that time. Early 2021, we considered, we began considering moving to Mississippi from Louisiana, but we were very comfortable where we were at the time. We had some discussions, but things weren't serious. I'll just say this, be careful what you pray for. We were praying through this and then Hurricane Ida hit.

And for many that was devastation, but for us it was a blessing because what happened through that season is that Hurricane Ida forced us to evacuate here to Mississippi. And my family has some dear friends that were kind enough to put us up in a house that they have here for a couple of weeks. And through that season, I believe my wife and I both received the peace and the confirmation and affirmation that this is where God was leading us. And so we made the decision to move and things happened quickly. We were praying for some land, land came up for sale right in the area we were desiring to move.

We were praying to move that we could afford. So we bought the land and as we began to prepare to sell our property in Louisiana, I had just reached out to the real estate agent. He was going to come out on that Monday and take pictures. This was a Saturday. I'm washing the house. Our neighbor walks out and so we start talking about what's going on. Maybe five minutes after he goes in, his wife comes out and he goes, "My mom's willing to come and write you a check for your house right now. How much do you want?" So we never even hit the market with our house. It was all God's timing just one thing after another.

God was affirming, confirming his plan to us and as a man of God, this was a tough decision for us. But God has really blessed us since. He's led us here to grace life. It's just been a tremendous blessing for me and my family. Precisely what we needed at the exact time we needed it. As a man of God leading my family, I've enjoyed this season. It looks a lot different, but it has been extremely healthy spiritually. Seeing my wife make connections, seeing her grow with her new sisters, seeing my children, the joy they have every time we pack up and come to church.

The way this church has welcomed our family and loves us, we're focused on the now. Right now God is teaching me and taking my family with me on this journey. This journey is one that is living our life on mission as a family right here right now. I've been so encouraged just the last couple of weeks, my wife coming home and talking about encounters she's had with people and her opportunities to share the gospel. He's teaching me how to be a better servant. He's teaching me humility so that I can be the best husband, the best dad, the best church member, the best employee.

See the word would tell you that my wife and I have no chance because we both come from broken homes. But God, but God. I'm leaning into God for help discipling my family. The church is coming alongside of me in that. Helping my wife to grow spiritually and flourish. Teaching my boys that love equals strength and masculinity is not toxic. Raising my daughter to embrace her femininity and that her value comes from and is found in her creator and not culture. Prayerfully leading our children to their but God moment. Praying earnestly for that moment to come one day.

Ephesians 2.10, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." See it has been a big change for us. A lot of change for us over the last year, over the last 10 years. Lots of things exchanged but everything that has replaced is right on time and exactly what needed to be.