Bringing up Our Children in the Lord

If you would go ahead and take your Bible and turn to Ephesians chapter six, we'll be in one place there in Ephesians, we'll be in verse one. But while you're turning there, I do wanna say thank you for the affirmation that I heard from this morning's message. It was an unusual message. I think it was a timely message, a much needed message. And as a matter of fact, I got a good testimony from someone today and I asked their permission to share it next week and I'm going to do that. And it will affirm everything that we looked at this morning. But I do appreciate your affirmation.

It lets me know that God's word and the work of God's word is working among God's people. But before we get started, I wanna pray. Usually we have a pastoral prayer, a time where I read scripture, but it's a little bit different night tonight. So let me pray. Lord, I thank you for what we do throughout the week when we meet together. Lord, on Sunday mornings, we meet for corporate worship. We sing, we sing hymns, we sing spiritual songs, we pray, we read scripture and Lord, we work hard to explain your scriptures.

Lord, you've taught us that the highest form of worship is not how we feel, it's responding to what you say to us and what you reveal to us in the scripture. Lord, we kind of do the same thing on Wednesday night. We meet together and we sing and we challenge and charge our young people. We send them out to be under the word and as adults, we're back under the word. We're back submissive to your word. Lord, I thank you for what we do in small groups. Lord, it's a much needed ministry. So serious, meet so many needs.

And I pray, God, that you'll help us throughout the week in the day-to-day things we do when we assemble together as Grace Life Church. Lord, it's not that often that we have a Sunday night service like this, but Lord, I pray that you'll bless it. Lord, this morning and tonight is all about home life discipleship and I just pray that you'll equip the saints, you will convict the saints, you'll work at all of us, that you'll form us and mold us so that we'll be the Christians you want us to be in our home. Start with us as men, start with me. And Lord, we pray all these things so that our homes will be what you want them to be.

And then in turn, our church will be what you want our church to be and you'll get the glory that you deserve out of our lives. And we ask all these things in Christ's name, amen. Now tonight, we are continuing to look at our call to home life discipleship. As men and women, as husbands and wives, as dads and moms, this is all about being the Christians God wants us to be in our homes. Therefore, as a result of being the Christians in our homes, God wants us to be, we are all about making and building disciples of Christ in our homes. Now, I wanna start off by picking on you men. I'm included.

I am to be the number one disciple of Christ in my home. You are to be the number one disciple of Christ in your home and ladies, mothers, you are right behind your husband, right there with you. And men, you are to be the number one disciple maker in your home. I am to be the number one disciple maker in my home and ladies, you are supposed to be right there with your husband, right behind him in the work. Now in our message tonight, I wanna speak to the most important person in the home and I wanna speak about the third most important responsibility in the home. Let me explain.

I wanna speak to our men and fathers because men and fathers are the most important person in the home. Don't elbow your wife quite yet. I say that because by God's design, men are to lead the home and to say otherwise is to rebel against God's design and to reject the clear teaching of scripture. And I wanna speak to our responsibility to not provoke or exasperate our children to resentment and anger, but to lovingly bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Now, some of you may say, Pastor Chris, how can you say that this responsibility is the third most important responsibility in the home?

Well, let me explain to you how I see it. Look men, our first responsibility is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our mind, and with all our strength. We know that is a variation of the greatest commandment. I'm referencing Mark 1230. Our second responsibility is to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for heart. We know that verse, Ephesians 5.25 and following. And men, our third responsibility is to not provoke or exasperate our children to resentment and anger, but to tenderly and lovingly bring up our children in the discipline in the instruction of the Lord.

But ladies and mothers, you are not off the hook. You are not on the sidelines here, as we will see. The commands and expectations from God as seen in Ephesians 6.4 can be applied to both mothers and fathers. I'll be honest with you, I'll go back and forth. Speaking of Ephesians 6.4, John MacArthur says this word for fathers in the original. Technically, it refers to male parents, but it was also used of parents in general in the scriptures. So tonight, I wanna speak about the third most important responsibility in our home.

And that is the fact that we are to not provoke or exasperate our children to resentment and anger, but we are to tenderly and lovingly bring up our children in the discipline in the instruction of the Lord. But before we get into verse four, I wanna point out three undeniable facts about the home. This will serve as a foundation for our message. And if we are off with these facts, we derail Ephesians 6.4, we derail everything totally. We have a train wreck. First fact, the family was created by God, so it's God's. Genesis chapter one and two and other scripture tell us that God created the family and gave the family to mankind, to us.

We can say that according to the scriptures, the family originated with God and it did not originate with men and men. And Genesis tells us that after God created the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, he performed the first marriage ceremony. And in Genesis one, 27 to 28, God blessed Adam and Eve and he called them to be fruitful and to multiply. I've said this before, basically he was saying, have a lot of babies, fill up the church nursery. And Luke Church, Satan's first recorded attack on earth in his fight against God was an attack on the family. And Satan has been attacking the family ever since. Ever since.

So this means that we have no right to redefine or reconstruct the family. And in every way, we are obligated to God to create and build families according to what God says in his word, because the family is not ours, the family is God's, they are like our children. Our children are loaned to us, the family is given to us. And we are accountable to God for it. Second fact, children are a blessing from God. We see this fact clearly stated in Psalm 127.3. The new American says, behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The English standard says children are a heritage from the Lord. And this simply means that children are a reward.

They are a gift, they are an inheritance. So this tells us that children are truly a blessing from God. And look, church, any person that believes and says that children are a nuisance or a bother or not needed or not wanted, that person does not have the heart and mind of God at all, totally. Totally. And the third fact, fathers are to be the leaders in nurturing their family. You may say, pastor, you've already said it. I'm gonna say it more. In Ephesians 5, 25 to 33, we clearly see that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and they are to be the leaders of their wives, spiritually in every way.

So as to sanctify her and to present her as holy before God. And in Ephesians 6, 4, we see that fathers are given specific instructions not to provoke or exasperate their children, but to lovingly, tenderly, nurture their children. So from these verses on the home, we see that the father is the head of the home and he is to be the leader in nurturing his wife and nurturing his children in all things. And look, men, there are many, many lies that have infected our thinking more than you know. I will mention just a couple you may can add to the list. One lie, the mother is to be the primary spiritual influence on the children.

Of course, mothers should be a big spiritual influence in the home, but according to the scriptures, the father should be the greatest spiritual influence on his entire family. And another lie, the church should be the primary influence on the children. Look, church, the pastor, other church leaders, other adults in the church should be a great spiritual influence on our children. We cannot deny that with any honest reading of the scriptures, but the father should be the greatest spiritual influence on his wife, on his children, on his home.

And with those foundational facts, I think they are a good foundation to start with, with those foundational facts as a foundation of our message, let's turn our attention to these two responsibilities that we have in our home. Let's read the verse, it's rather short. This morning we tackled a big portion of scripture. Tonight, a small portion of scripture. Verse four, "Fathers, do not provoke your children "to anger, but bring them up in the discipline "in the instruction of the Lord." Now here in this verse, God gives two clear commands. The first is negative and the second is positive. So let's really get started.

Number one, do not provoke your children. Do not provoke your children. Listen to the King James version. It uses the word wrath. It says, "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." Before we get into this much needed command, we need to understand the cultural backdrop and the norm that was behind this teaching. Let me explain what I mean. When Paul wrote this letter, the average Roman home, when a baby was born, it was brought to the father to see if that baby would be accepted into the home or discarded. If a father picked up the baby, he was accepting the child into the home. But if he walked away from the baby, he was rejecting it.

So the baby could have been discarded, killed, sold, or simply given away. Scholars tell us that rejected babies who were healthy and strong were taken each night to the town forum where they would be picked up and raised as slaves or prostitutes. History tells us that sick babies and babies that were not seen as normal were usually killed, sometimes by doing something like throwing them into a river. And these things were legal and these things were normal. Now, before you cast too much judgment about the brutality of their day, what about in our day? In our day, when babies are not wanted, they are just aborted.

Some of you here this morning, you dealt with health concerns during pregnancy, and there were doctors who counseled you that abortion was an option. Let me pause here. Abortion is never an option for a Christian. It's murder. It's murder. So in many ways, our culture is no different than the Roman or the Greek culture in which this letter was written. But also in our day, many fathers do not carry the responsibility of any authority with their children. Many fathers are absent without leave. Y'all know what that term means, AWOL. They are absent from the authority and responsibility God has given them over their children.

Oh, they're in the home, but they're not taking that responsibility as they should. And many times they are out of the home. They're at the golf course, the fish camp, the deer camp. They are engaged with my time in my hobby. See, dealing with the children is mom's job, and they only get involved when they need to. So many fathers shirt the authority and responsibility they do have with their children, and they leave these things to mom. They leave these responsibilities to others. And we see this with many professing believers, far too much. But notice who this command is given to.

Our English translations say father, and in the original, this word usually referred to the male parent, but at times it was used for parents in general. I mentioned that. In Hebrews 11.23, this same word was used to speak of Moses' parents. And Paul has been writing about both parents in verses one to three. So here in Ephesians four, Paul very well could have been thinking of both parents. But this is where understanding that cultural backdrop helps us because the father was the supreme authority in the home in that day. The father was the most likely one to provoke their children.

So it is best to say that Paul was specifically addressing fathers here. That is why all of our English translations use the word father. Now a couple of questions here. In your home, which parent is most likely to provoke the children, mom or dad? Remember now culturally, it would have been most likely the male, the father, to provoke their children. But what about in your home? Which parent is most likely to provoke the children? Mom or dad? And dad's mom's which child are you most likely to provoke? Your son, your daughter, your oldest, your youngest?

These are thought provoking questions and I trust and pray that the Holy Spirit uses them. So I think we should address the negative command in two different people in the home. I told you I'd go back and forth. First and foremost, the father. And that is because most scholars think that Paul was specifically addressing fathers. Again, that's why our English translations say fathers. And because of their authority and simply by being a man, fathers certainly can provoke their children the most. But this should be applied to mothers as well. The language clearly does allow for that. And mothers can provoke their children.

But also we need to see what the actual command is. Language scholars tell us this word provoke, it means more than just to exasperate or to frustrate, it means to provoke or exasperate to the point of anger and wrath. I've used this illustration before, but I cannot help but go back to it. I have told you all about my upbringing and the influence my grandfather had on me. I live the best of both worlds. I grew up in a neighborhood and I enjoyed neighborhood life, but I enjoyed being on my grandfather's farm every chance I got. He had 450 acres and he had creeks and he had ponds. I spent a quarter of my life in a 14 foot John boat.

But my grandfather had some very eccentric ways. My wife can attest to that. And one of the things is he never let a snake get by. As a matter of fact, he would catch rattlesnakes. Just this afternoon, my brother-in-law texted me a picture of a four foot rattlesnake. They're moving around this time of the year. But my grandfather would catch them. And I'm not talking about small ones. The bigger, the better. And he would keep them in a cage, get this in the basement of the house. I always wondered why Granny let him do that. But he would feed those rattlesnakes. If I can remember right, the last snake he had was trying to hibernate.

Got a little cool in the basement and he put a big sage rat in there and the rat killed a snake. I'll never forget. He said, "That rat killed my good snake." But when he had a snake, we would gather around that snake and we would aggravate the snake. And if we had a friend there someone who had never been around something like that, we would coax that person to get closer and closer to that cage. And then we would back away because the closest person is the one that the snake would look to. They sensed heat. They didn't use their eyes.

And finally, when we would get a friend closer and closer to that cage, we would aggravate that snake so much that that snake would strike the side of that cage. That would make a grown man cry. We would exasperate that snake to the point of wrath. Well, here in verse four, we're not talking about snakes. I'll come back to snakes. But fathers and mothers provoking their children to anger and wrath. But what does it look like for a child or a teenager to be provoked to anger and wrath? I ran across several good opinions here. I think they're all good. I'll use them all.

John MacArthur says, "To provoke to anger "suggests a repeated ongoing pattern of treatment "that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger, "a resentment that boils over into outward hostility." I think he's spot on. One scholar said, "Paul warns fathers "against goading their children "into a state of perpetual resentment." I think he's spot on. Warren Wiersby says, "Paul told parents, "do not use your authority to abuse the child." All three are spot on. But we need to ask a question or two here. What provokes a child to anger? What irritates and provokes a child into a state of perpetual resentment that boils over into hostility?

We must see that this happens by our words and our deeds. The words we do speak and the words we do not speak. Do you realize, parents, you can provoke your child to anger by what you don't say? I've heard people say this. You know, growing up, my mom never told me she loved me. I've heard people say something like this. My dad really never had anything good to say until I did something wrong. Then he had nothing but bad to say. We must see that this happens by our words and our deeds. The words we do speak, the words we don't speak, the deeds we do and the deeds we do not do.

Do you realize the things you do can provoke your children and what you don't do can provoke your children? Now at this point, I wanna give a list of some things parents can do that definitely can provoke their children to anger. I ran across this in some different studies. Some of this is from John Gill, the old English Baptist pastor. Some of this is from John MacArthur and some of this is from me. It's been mixed up so long, I don't know whose is who. Parents can provoke their children to anger when they are overprotective. This is when parents smother their children by being overly strict.

This is when the child's judgment is always questioned and the decisions and behavior are always questioned. Well, the result, trust between the parent and the child is never established and the child feels like they can never do anything right or never do anything on their own. Have you ever seen that before? Of course, children need careful guidance and particular restrictions, but children are learning and developing individuals in their own right and they must learn to make decisions on their own. They must also be given the space to make mistakes on their own.

Of course, these decisions should correspond with their age and their maturity. Number two, parents can provoke their children to anger when favoritism is shown to another child. Ooh, we're getting close to home for some folks here. When parents compare one child up against another, there certainly can be. This certainly can be devastating. When parents love one child more than the other, this can be devastating. When parents simply treat one child as if they like or love the one more than the other, this certainly can be devastating. And we could add to that list. And when these things happen, the overlooked child can become a lot of things.

They can become discouraged and defeated. They can become resentful and bitter, sometimes permanently, and then they can react and act out in a whole host of ways. I've seen this before. Parents can provoke their children to anger when a child is pushed to achieve beyond reason. Oh, now we're really getting close to home. Here children can be expected to achieve and produced to such a high degree. They are discouraged and even destroyed instead of built up. The pressure a parent can put on a child to achieve can be unrealistic and beyond their years.

So instead of building them up, they are discouraged, they're torn down, and they are destroyed. I love what John MacArthur says here. I'm quoting him. "Fathers who fantasize their own achievements "through the athletic skills of their sons "are mother who fantasizes a glamorous career "through the lives of their daughters, "prostitute their responsibility as parents." How many men exasperate their son because they cannot be the athlete they want them to be? How many mothers exasperate their daughter because they cannot be as pretty as they want them to be or as talented as they want them to be?

Parents can provoke their children to anger when a child is discouraged by a parent all the time. Children who are never encouraged are inevitably discouraged. Children who are never complimented are automatically put down and discouraged. If a child is always discouraged and insulted, they'll just give up. If a child is never complimented or encouraged, they will feel as if they can never do anything right and never do anything good, and that child can act out by simply quitting or they can act out in anger and wrath. I mentioned growing up in a neighborhood earlier. I'll never forget growing up in a neighborhood. Well, there was a home.

They had two sons that were older than me. I looked up to them. I'm telling you, I thought they were the bomb.com. And I'll never forget the father loved one son more than the other. The father built up one son while he put down the other son. In the other son that was put down all the time, that led to a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol, a whole host of things. And I'll never forget hearing my dad talk about how he pushed his son that way. Number five, parents can provoke their children to anger when parents fail to sacrifice for their children as needed. Yes, parents fail to sacrifice for their children as needed.

When parents will not make the proper sacrifices for their children, sometimes the children are made to feel like they are not important, not wanted or not needed. At times they can be made to feel that they are literally in the way of the parents and their happiness. I've seen dads have every toy imaginable while their children suffer. Parents can provoke their children to anger when parents fail to allow their children to grow up at a normal or expected pace. Correcting children for acting like a child in a normal way will not contribute to their growth and their maturity as a child. The opposite will happen.

Most likely they will hinder their growth. That will hinder their maturity. That can literally destroy the child. And then number seven, parents can provoke their children to anger when parents use love as a tool for reward and punishment. I've seen that. This is nothing but giving love and acceptance when the child behaves as wanted. And then withholding love and acceptance when the child does not behave as wanted. And this behavior will cause the child to see a parent's love as conditional. And many times that child will grow up to believe that God's love is conditional as well, but that is not a reflection of God's love at all.

God's love is conditional. God loves us when we behave as he wants us to and when we do not behave as he wants us to. So parents should love their children as God loves them unconditionally. And look folks, if you are not loving your children unconditionally, you are setting them up to see God's love wrong. One more. Parents can provoke their children to anger when parents verbally or physically abuse their children. Yes, Christian parents should be reminded of these things. In the heat of frustration and anger, fathers and mothers can spank their children too much and too hard. And these things are not biblical.

But this does not only apply to physical abuse, but to verbal abuse as well. With their attitudes, personality, and words, parents can exert superior authority over their children, a superior strength over their children. With things like cut downs, insults, and sarcasm, parents can inflict serious harm to their children. And things like this should never be in the Christian home. So with all that I have laid out here before us, what have we seen? Through Paul, God commands us as parents and especially fathers now, starts with us, not to provoke or agitate our children to anger in wrath. Now parents, I wanna ask questions here too.

First, are you raising a rattlesnake? That illustration is good. Are you raising a rattlesnake? Is your son or your daughter mad as a snake and ready to bite you and others all the time in certain circumstances when certain parents deal with him or all the time? You just may be provoking that son or that daughter to anger, maybe not. But you very well may be provoking that son or that daughter to anger. If you have a child that is angry all the time, that lashes out all the time, you need to get some counsel, you need to get some help. You very well may be provoking them and you not know it. Second question, another animal illustration.

Are you raising a possum? Do you even know what a possum is? If you don't know what a possum is, you are not raised right. I made the comment this morning that even my dog is a female, I don't have a chance. My wife's female, my girls are female, my dog's a female. But my dog gets into all kind of things. She's half lab, half cata who'll occur. But every now and then she brings up a possum. You know what possums do besides get in your trash and eat your dog food? When threatened, they play possum. They play possum. They will pretend to be dead.

What I mean is this, when some children or teenagers are provoked to anger, they do not get as mad as a snake and bite like a snake, they quit, they wilt, they roll over, they just play possum. Mom and dad, does your child or your teenager wilt and quit emotionally, verbally and physically under you? I've seen this. Dad, is your child or teenager happy and joyful and thriving? But when you discipline them, they quit emotionally, they quit verbally, they quit physically, maybe for days or even months. Mom, do you have this effect on your daughter? Just because she can't measure up. I've seen moms do this.

Dads, do you have this effect on your son because he cannot measure up? There's a lot more we could say here. But the first command we see is do not provoke your children. Number two, this one will be a little shorter. Number two, make sure you nurture your children. Make sure you nurture your children. Now the new American in the English Standard says the same thing, but the King James says, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The English Standard says, bring them up in the discipline in the instruction of the Lord.

But I want us to see that there is a big difference between these two commands that we have here to provoke is negative, it's obvious. Means to put down, but this phrase, bring them up, is positive, you ought to bring them up, it's uplifting. It's positive, it's encouraging. You can tell I got that off Christian radio. But we see this same word that is translated, bring them up, translated as nourishes in chapter five, verse 29. Look back at chapter five, verse 29, same word. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes his own flesh. This is simple. Paul says that no one ever hates or mistreats their physical body.

But the opposite, we nourish, we cherish our body. That means we feed our body, we care for our body, we nourish our body, we pamper our body, we do all that we can to cherish our body. And in verses 28 to 30, we see that the husband is to nourish and cherish his wife as his own body. Husbands, are you cherishing your wife? You might say, pastor, I thought you were preaching to children, about children. It's all goes together. Husbands, are you cherishing your wife? Now listen close, church, listen to your pastor.

You show me a father who does not nurture, nourish and bring up his children, I will show you a husband who does not nurture, nourish and bring up his wife either. Let me repeat that. You show me a father who does not nurture, nourish and bring up his children, I will show you a husband who does not nurture and nourish and bring up his wife. It all goes together. You show me a husband who does not nurture, nourish and bring up his wife. And I'll show you a father who does not nurture, nourish and bring up their children. You see how it all goes together? So me and husbands, are you cherishing and nurturing your wife as you should?

You need to do some praying there. Now let's get back to bringing up our children. A question or two here. Is this a pep talk? Is this being life coached dad? Is this the dad who is nothing but optimistic? Is this never negative dad? Well the answer to all of those questions is no. So let's get into the verse. Here Paul uses, here God uses Paul to call fathers and mothers now to bring up, bring up, lift up their children in two ways. First in the discipline of the Lord. Now this word discipline, this simply means training up a child. And it speaks to training a child purposefully, intentionally and systematically.

Systematically simply means to have a plan. Look, if you wing it in parenthood, you won't have a plan. And this includes many things. Correction and wrongdoing as well as instruction and right doing. Both are forms of discipline. This involves education and also not just spiritual education but education in every area of life that relates to a child. Let me pause here. In my opinion, it is a sin and a crime not to educate your children. I'm talking about reading, writing and arithmetic, not scripture. If you go to other places in the world, you will see that Christians don't have access to education.

We have access to education, public education, private education and homeschool education. However God leads you to educate your children is a matter of conscience. But it is a crime and it is a sin not to educate your children. You're setting them up for failure. And remember, this is bringing them up, not putting them down. The father is to bring them up in the discipline and training of the Lord. This means training them up in a way and in a direction that pleases the Lord. Now when you do any study here, like I have throughout the week, you will inevitably run across an example. Susanna Wesley, some of you have heard of Susanna Wesley.

Susanna Wesley was the mother of John and Charles Wesley. John Wesley and Charles Wesley, God used them in a great way in England. But she raised 17 children, yes, 17. And she had this to say about raising children and I'm quoting her, this is a famous quotation. The parent who studies to subdue self will and his child works together with God in the renewing and the saving of the soul. But a parent who indulges it, talking of self will, does the devil's work, makes religion impractical and salvation unattainable. Now my question for you dads is this, are you working together with God in disciplining your children in the Lord? Are you?

As you discipline your children in the Lord, are you working together with God or are you indulging the self will of your children? Look, if you feed your child self will, you will put them on a road to hell. They will be the fool found in Proverbs. And if you do that, you will hinder your children greatly in life and you will hinder their ability to come to the Lord. Second, in the instruction of the Lord. Now this word instruction simply means a putting in the mind and this speaks of a kind of instruction we see all through the book of Proverbs, which is not primarily about information.

Look, don't make the mistake of thinking instruction in the Lord is all about information, information, information, it's more than that. Proverbs is mostly about the right attitudes and principles that guide the behavior. Albert Barnes says that by this instruction, fathers are to put them, that's the children, in the mind of the Lord of his existence, of his perfections, of his law, and claims on their hearts and lives. I'm altering the code a little bit. I'm gonna go back through it, it's just too good.

Barnes says of this instruction, fathers, and I'm gonna add mothers, are to put them, that's their children, in the mind of the Lord of his existence, of his perfections, of his law, and his claims on their hearts and in their lives. That's a tall order. So look at this positive command. Paul says to fathers, bring up your children, bring up your children in the instruction of the Lord. But does he say to do this in the way of the Puritans? Lot of people love to read the Puritans, I'm not against them. They had a lot to say about how to raise your children.

Is he saying bring up your children in the discipline in the instruction of the Puritans? One today who's very famous with his opinions about child rearing, Vodibakam. Is he saying bring up your children in the discipline in the instruction of Vodibakam? This gets personal. Is he saying bring up your children in the discipline in the instruction in the way that your parents and grandparents say you should raise your children? Ah, some of you are affected by that. Notice God commands Christian fathers and mothers to nurture and nourish their children in the discipline in the instruction of the Lord.

Parents, moms, dads, make sure you are bringing up your children in the discipline in the instruction of the Lord and not what others say about the Lord. Now what others say about the Lord may be good, but if you focus on only what others say about the Lord and you miss what the Lord says, you're way off track. I've said this before, those poor pitiful Christians in third world countries who don't have books and conferences, they must not be able to be good parents.

Look, Christ Jesus in you, as you live the Spirit-filled life, the Spirit-controlled life, combined with God's word, being anointed by the power of the Spirit, and those things empowered by the person of the Holy Spirit, combined with the presence of God in the home, in dad, and in mom's life, that's what's needed. That's all you need. And harsh man-made rules, rigid religious expectations, all of everybody's opinions. Many of those things do horrible damage to the home and children in the name of the Lord. So make sure you nurture and bring up your children.

Now I wanna move away from the verses in the teaching here and I wanna offer some very, very, very practical teaching. This is teaching, but it's a lot of advice and I want you to see, this is from the older to the younger. Now I know I look 25, but I'm not. But on a serious note, I have raised two girls. One's almost there, as in out of my home. I've been in the church and watching believers and non-believers raise their children for 36 years. So what I'm about to share with you comes out of my experience and my observations. This is older to younger.

It's practical and some who are older here, when I get through, you're gonna say, "Pastor, that was good practical stuff." Number one is in the form of a question. How do you spell love? You better spell love, T-I-M-E. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. What I'm sharing is this, dad's. Spend time with your children. Dad's, spend quality time with your children. Dad's, spend family time with your children. Dad's, oh, you don't understand, pastor. I'm just too busy for a vacation. No, you're not. Spend quality time with your family and your children. Spend quality time with your wife and your children. Know it.

Spend quality time with your wife, even away from your children and your children will say, "Wow." They'll say, "My dad cares for our mother." And spend one-on-one time with them. I spent tons of one-on-one time with my girls. So how do you spell love? It's T-I-M-E. Number two, let your kids be kids. Let me explain. Let your toddlers be toddlers. Let your children be children. Let your teenagers be teenagers. Toddlers do what toddlers do. Children do what children do. Teenagers do what teenagers do. And when you try to make them older than they are, you exasperate them and you ruin the age they are supposed to enjoy.

I'll never forget years ago when we did a youth camp. When I was a youth minister, I did most, all of my own programming. But we did, along with several other churches, a youth camp every year. And we worked hard at it. Jared was a part of that. Keith was a part of that. I know Megan went before and my wife did. But inevitably, every year or so, we would have an adult that would get frustrated because the teenagers were acting like teenagers. We taught them there was a time to be serious and there was a time to have fun.

They could get on the river and have a good time and they could come and pray for 30 minutes before they came to the church service. They could come and listen to the Word of God taught for an hour and then they could go out and act like teenagers playing games. But what am I trying to show you? There was always somebody who wanted to squelch the teenagers being teenagers. But I've also seen parents take their children and expect their little boys and girls to act like adults and they ruin their childhood. Let your toddlers be toddlers. Let your children be children. Let your teenagers be teenagers.

And on top of that, let your girls be girls and your boys be boys. And men, if that means when you spend T-I-M-E with them, you let them fix your hair and act like they're taking you to the beauty shop, do it. I never let mine paint my toenails. Thought I'd throw that in. Number three, guard against excessive rules. I've already touched on this but it needs to be said. Of course we guard against no rules at all but if you keep your children and teenagers caged in with excessive rules, you exasperate them.

And I have seen teenagers rebel against excessive and harsh rules and then I've seen parents say, my son or my daughter is rebelling against God and sometimes I wanna tell them that they cause the rebellion and sometimes I wanna say, I don't know if they're rebelling against God or if they're rebelling against your excessive rules. Now I'm not for a teenager running away, no. But guard against excessive rules. Number four, be genuine in the home. Hypocrisy kills the Christian witness. If you're teenagers, if your children see that you are one thing at home and one thing at a church, forget it. Number five, be consistent, not perfect.

Raising your children is like baseball. In baseball you always wanna hit a grand slam but most of the time you don't. But if you get on base in baseball, you're a hero. In raising your children, being a parent, it's about, it's like baseball, just get on base every week, get on base every day. Be consistent, be consistent. I never forget years ago I went to the home of a parent. This was the father and he was all exasperated and all up in the air that he could not have an hour long family worship time and he had children that were toddlers. And I said, brother, you're gonna kill your family.

I said, you work a blue collar job and you're out in the heat and you've worked 12, 13 hours and you're gonna come in and as soon as you eat and hit the chair, you're going to sleep. And I said, then when you do try to have an hour long worship service, you're tired, you're worn out, you're gonna be grouchy, you're gonna bite your kids' heads off. I said, don't do that. Fall asleep in the chair and tomorrow, when your day is a little shorter, just spend 10 minutes with your kids. He didn't get it. He didn't get it and he wasn't consistent. He wasn't consistent. Number six, be transparent, not pretentious.

Now we do this according to their age, obviously. We are transparent in our walk with God and in our home, not pretentious because to be pretentious is hypocritical. Number seven, build up your children into who they wanna be, not according to who you want them to be. Let me give you an example. Buy them a set of drums. That's a loaded statement, I'll explain. I never forget when I went to First Baptist Church in Ellisville, Mississippi, the pastor there was Dr. Allen Woodward and his wife, Ms. Francis, and they had boys. They were all musical and they all played the guitar and they played the piano and things like that.

And then when their youngest son, Charlie, came along, he wanted a set of drums. Brother Allen took a deep breath and said, I bought him some drums. He knew it was gonna be loud. He knew it was gonna disrupt the whole house, but he let Charlie be Charlie. You see? Build up your children into who they want to be, obviously not allowing them to be ungodly. Number eight, do not tell them they're a Christian ever, never, never tell your children they're a Christian ever. Children are not born Christians. We cannot make Christians. We cannot raise Christians.

We can catechize them, teach them the scripture, bring them to Sunday school, bring them to small group. They can get an award for church attendance, but Christians are born, disciples are made. They must be born again. And in my home, I never told my children they were Christian. I always told them why they were sinners. I told them why they did what they did. I told them they needed the gospel. I never, ever told them they were a Christian. Number nine, keep them in a Bible-believing gospel-preaching church, period. Keep your family in a Bible-preaching, gospel-preaching church.

I believe that many children are hindered and prevented from coming to faith in Christ because they're in bad churches who preach the wrong gospel. And I'll never forget years ago, there was a family in the life of our church. They had two boys and they were under deep conviction. I was spending lots of time with them. Brother Keith was doing the very same thing, but over some very minor things, the parents left and took their boys. Now, can they get saved elsewhere? Yes, but they were under the word of God. They were under the gospel being taught and they were under ministers who were pouring into them.

Keep them in a Bible-believing church, under the gospel being preached. Number 10, keep them under the taught word of God, period. Paragraph, no questions asked. I mentioned some of my upbringing this morning and tonight. My mom was a school teacher. My dad was a superintendent. And when I was sick at school, if I called my dad and I said, dad, I'm sick, I wanna go home, I really can't repeat what he said. It wasn't ungodly, but he basically said, if they're not bodily fluids coming out, you're okay. And he hung the phone up. I didn't go home from school unless I was sick.

Look folks, keep your children and teenagers in the pew on Sunday morning. Keep your children and teenagers in the pew on Wednesday night. Keep them in small groups, keep them in Bible study and you'd be right there with them. I've said this before, if you got a sick one at home, mom, stay at home, take care of the children. Let the husband go, let him hear the word and let him as the spiritual leader bring that home. Look folks, how are people saved? By hearing the gospel in the word of God.

Romans 1.16 says, for I'm not ashamed of the gospel, for it, the gospel is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jew and then also to the Greek. If you've got a son or a daughter who's not saved, they need to be in the pew every single time the door is open and you need to be right there with them. And then how are the saved sanctified? By hearing the gospel in the word of God. Jesus prayed for his disciples and by extension us. He said, they, talking about the disciples and us, they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. And he prays to his father, sanctify them in the truth. Your word is truth.

We are sanctified by the taught word of God. I'll never forget this afternoon, going over this with my wife. And she said, there's nothing more important than keeping your family and your children in the church. Pastor, what about travel ball? Navigate those waters, but be in church. We did because of time I won't keep going there. But keep him under the taught word of God and you be there with them. Look folks, your children should grow up watching you be attentive to the word, attentive to the one preaching, taking notes, praying, singing. They should grow up looking at you saying, I know this is real 'cause I see it real in my parents.

Then number 11, this is the last one. Find an older to younger relationship, a Paul to Timothy relationship. Because if you got little ones, you need all the practical help you can get. Now I know I've gone a little long, I'm finishing up. This morning we looked at why we believe in the nursery. It is because we believe in the supremacy of the preaching of the word of God in worship. And this is all about home life discipleship. And tonight we looked at bring up our children in the Lord, bring up our children in the Lord. And this is all about home life discipleship as well.

Now I close by pointing you to some teaching that I gave about three years ago. Back when we were going through Ephesians, I taught two sermons titled, "Seven Lessons for Parents Parenting Their Children." I went back over all that material this week and it would be good for you to go get that. So part one and a part two, "Seven Lessons for Parents Parenting Their Children." And as a matter of fact, I'll make sure that gets put out on Facebook, social media this week so you can grab that and make that a part of equipping you for home life discipleship. Now let's pray and then we'll close.