Children - God's Design for the Family

I want to call your attention to something that we sang right off the bat in our worship service. There is a fountain filled with blood. I think many of you, most of you know that song. Notice that first chorus that we sang. "Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains." And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains. That's the gospel folks. Now listen, we're studying about the Christian life, more specifically God's design for the family.

But I'm telling you, if you're not in Christ Jesus, if you're not born of the Spirit of God, if you've not had your guilty stains of sin washed away by Christ, you're just going to try to do all this in the flesh. I mean, look at that testimony there. "Wash all my sins away, wash all my sins away. And there may I, though vile as He, wash all my sins away." Folks, this is a song about the gospel, about redemption in Christ. And this is a song that can only be sung if you have a testimony. Now I teach you thoroughly here that you must be converted to Christ.

And you might not understand all that goes on there, but you know when God saved you and how God saved you. And you're living that out. And I hope and pray that you can sing that not out of a tradition or out of a habit or just out of rote memory, but you can sing that out of a testimony of how God saved you. I never want to encourage you to try to live the Christian life in the flesh, even when we're dealing something like family. It starts with conversion to Christ, folks. It starts with conversion to Christ. So I appreciate Brother Keith leading us in that song. And I tell you, I just want to say this.

If you need us, we don't give really a traditional invitation here, but if you need us, you know you can come. I'm not going to lead you in a prayer. I'm going to point you to Christ. I'm going to point you to His saving grace. And ultimately, you're going to have to be like that thief on the cross. You're just going to have to cry out. And if God the Holy Spirit cannot enable you to cry out for mercy, then my little cheap prayer that I would lead you in will not save you. Okay? Okay? So if you need us, you come to us. All right. Well, let's take our Bible. Let's turn back to where we were earlier in our scripture reading.

We read Ephesians chapter 5 starting in verse 22. We've been there for a couple of weeks. I think most of you know. And this morning we're going to be in chapter 6, verses 1 to 4. Now for two weeks, we have been studying God's design for the family. We have not been exhaustive there in verses 22 to 23. Personally, I feel like we've really just hit the high spots. I've not desired to be exhaustive in all of these messages and any of these messages. We're going to come back into Ephesians chapter 5 later on in our study through the book of Ephesians.

But more than just studying God's design for the family, we've been looking at proper roles, responsibilities for wives and husbands within the family. And we've been examining how wives and husbands are to relate to each other in the home, in the family. This is all about the household. Now ultimately, this is about our responsibilities to God. Think about this. Ultimately, in all that we're looking at here, this is about our responsibilities to God because we answer to God. We answer to the Lord. And I have said several times, it's all about roles and responsibilities and relationships in the home. But this is how we relate to God, folks.

We're going to give an account here. Now, I think everyone knows that these messages are a part of what we have been studying back in Genesis as well. We looked at the building blocks for the family in Genesis 1 and 2. And now we're looking at wives, we're looking at husbands, and now we're looking at children. This all goes together. This is all about God's design for the family. And if you think I'm repeating the series title and the title of these messages a lot, I'm doing that on purpose because that helps us retain what we're studying.

I was in conversation with one of the men of the church this week, and we were discussing decisions that he and his wife have been making in the home. I was discussing that with him and sharing about my own personal life as well. And in that conversation, he was talking about leaving and cleaving. We studied that back in Genesis 1 and 2. He talked about submission and leading his family. We studied that in Ephesians 5. And you know, I was encouraged to hear how he and his wife were applying what we've been studying. Now, why do I share that little short testimony? We're all in this journey together, folks. We want God's design for the family.

We go all the way back to the beginning. We're coming into Ephesians 5, and we're just in this journey together. We want to have God's design for the family in our own homes and in our own lives. Now, two messages ago, we focused on wives. Last week, we focused on husbands. That's the way Paul started off. So that's the way we started off. Really, we can abbreviate all that we studied in those two messages by two words. Submission and love. One word sums up Paul's teaching to wives. That is submission. And that one word sums up the wife's role in her marriage and her relationship to her husband.

And one word sums up Paul's teachings to husbands here. And that is love. That one word sums up a husband's role in his marriage and in his relationship to his wife. You see, you can boil it all down to those two words, submission and love. But before we move on in our verses, I want to make sure we know what this love should look like. I explained some of what this love should look like. When I said that this love is a sacrificial love, when I explained that this love is a purifying love, when I shared that this love is a caring love, that this is an unbreakable love. But I want to add to this a little.

This is very important because so many husbands, so many wives get this all wrong today. And we could really list a lot of reasons and a lot of ways people get this wrong. I think personally that many miss this altogether. They just totally miss the mark here. But I think some, they just miss the preeminence of this love. And also I think many miss the nature of this love. Now remember what we saw last week. The husband is to submit to his wife in this proper biblical role. And this is a mutual submission, which Paul explains back in verse 21. And this mutual submission is the great undercurrent of all of the teaching here.

A husband submits to his wife by loving her, as Paul describes, starting in verse 25. But the mistake that most make here is this. In light of the previous verses, which says that wives are to submit to their husbands, most think that the husband submits to his wife in this mutual submission as the leader of the wife and the leader of the home. And that can be a logical conclusion. But that is not what Paul is saying here. Paul says that the husband submits to his wife in this mutual submission by loving her, by loving her. And what do we see? It's a sacrificial love there in verse 25. It's a purifying love, verse 26 to 27.

It's a caring love in verse 28 to 30. This is an unbreakable love in verse 31. You know, we didn't cover verse 22 and verse 32 and 33 last week, but we see the motive for this love. And we'll get there here in a minute. Now I want to take a minute or two and I want to elaborate on this love. All right. I want to elaborate on this love. Husbands are to possess and to live out this love. All right. And I want to do this by offering some contrasts here. I was doing some further study on this love that husbands are supposed to possess. I was doing some more reading this week on this love that we are supposed to strive for in our marriages.

First, this is a sacrificial love. Now Paul is not pointing husbands to their rights in the marriage. No. He is pointing husbands to their duty. He is pointing them to the highest love known to man, which is Christ and his sacrificial love on the cross. And a husband's duty is to love his wife as Christ has loved the church. He died for the church. He is calling husbands to give themselves up for their wives in every way. Yes, even to the point of death, if necessary. But the contrast. Contrast that what Paul teaches with the worldly way husbands love their wives today. You know, a world's love is conditional.

See, the world teaches us men to love our wives conditionally. A world tells a husband to love their wives conditionally in so many ways. A worldly husband, a husband who believes what the world says here, a worldly husband loves his wife more when she's young and physically attractive. A worldly husband or the world teaches husbands to love their wives when she can do more for him. What about when she can? Now we could go on and on and on there, but I think you see the train of thought. I think you see the contrast. But my question for you is this. What would the church be like if Jesus loved the church like you love your wife? You see?

And that's a rhetorical question, but I want you to ponder over that. And I'm going to call you to pray over that. But then second, this purifying love. Paul is aiming at salvation and what should come after salvation. We saw that just as Jesus saved sinners and he sanctifies those that he saves, meaning that he progressively purifies them along the way throughout life. Ultimately, he, this is Christ, will present his people, the church to himself as a pure and spotless church. Well, Paul is saying that husbands are to help produce spiritual growth in their lives.

They are to develop their wives spiritually, just as Christ does for his church. Now contrast that with the norm of today. Most husbands pollute their wives rather than purify them. Most husbands pollute their wives rather than purify them. Most husbands pollute their wives and the home with their personal sin and all types of worldly living. Most husbands do not promote godly living and promote spiritual sanctification and purification in their wives. So they pollute them. Now here's the rhetorical question. If your spiritual influence on your wife was suddenly removed, what would your wife's spiritual journey and condition be like?

That's a biggie. If your spiritual influence on your wife was suddenly removed, what would your wife's spiritual journey and condition be like? Now third, this caring love. Paul is explaining the next step in the husband's responsibility. Christ loves, cares for, and provides for his body the church. Well, the husband does the same for his own physical body, isn't that right? Just as a husband should care for his own body, he should do the same thing for his wife. He used to care for her, to provide for her, to protect her, just as he would his own body. Now contrast that with the norm today.

Most husbands are uncaring when it comes to their wives. It's because they've been influenced by the world and their own sinful desires. Most husbands care for self while they are uncaring and unconcerned for the needs of their wives. Now a question. Do you care for your wife as you do your own body? Do you? Do you care for your wife as you do your own body? Do you care for your wife as you do yourself? Not just your physical self. Fourth, this is an unbreakable love. This is a permanent unbreakable love. Here Paul goes back to the beginning.

All we're doing folks in this study is copying what Jesus did and what Paul did and going back to the beginning. See that wasn't an original plan with me. Here Paul quotes Genesis 2.24 making one point. Marriage is permanent. It's unbreakable. It is a permanent union. God's standard has been the standard from the beginning. See it is sinful men that have lowered the standard. Society is low of the standard because sinful men have lowered the standard. And Paul is restating the permanence of marriage. He is emphasizing that the marriage union is unbreakable. Now contrast that with today. Marriage isn't permanent today.

It isn't unbreakable today. Today marriage is disposable. It's more than temporary folks. It is disposable. I mean it's just cast off like some cheap paper cup. And it's really sad because permanence. Permanence. An unbreakable union is so rare. Now question a rhetorical question. Do you you husband and wife wife and husband. Do you see your marriage as permanent as an unbreakable union? Do you know I know I made a little joke last week when I talked about my marriage you know the little joke the little private joke my wife and I have is this. You know if one of us leaves we're just going with each other.

We say that I mean just every now and in in just it's a complete joke. My wife will say well if you leave I'm going with you. I said it was a private joke now it's public and they're right. Well what is that a reflection of. Divorce breaking the marriage union is not an option. It's unbreakable. It's permanent. Now just like I did with you ladies last week. I want to shift here to the men. I'm not leaving the men out. I want to call you men to do two things here. Men we must meditate on this teaching. We must meditate on this sacrificial love this purifying love this caring love this unbreakable love. We've got to meditate over all of this.

All right. It's got to be saturated into our minds and into our thinking and into our understanding. And second we need to pray over this. We need to submit to the Lord over this. We need to pray that God would form this into our mind and into our thinking. And then it must be lived out. We have to live this out. This should be spiritually natural because of a work of God in us. And then we must impress this standard into the hearts and the minds of our children, of our boys, of our girls, into the hearts and minds of those all around us. Now a question, man. Why? Why? Men, husbands, why do we work to love like we see here?

When I say work, it's work because the goal, the great example is Christ. Why would we work here? Husbands, what would motivate us to work day after day and to seek after to have this type of love in our lives, in our marriages, in in our homes? Well, the why is found in verse 32 to 33. Go back to those verses. Chapter five, the mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you also love his own wife as himself and let the wife see to it that she respects her husband. Here we see the reason, the motive behind the husband's love for the wives.

This is what we didn't have time to cover last week, but I just want to drop this here for you. Okay. Now back in verse 23 to 29 in chapter five, we saw that marriage is a picture of the church and her relationship to Christ. Remember, I've taught you that we've got marriage and Christ and the church all woven together in these verses. And verse 32 says that this is a great mystery and that these things were unknown. This is talking about the mystery of the church. These things were unknown to the old Testament saints, but these things have been revealed to God's people and the church today because we're in the church age.

Now for a husband, there may be many motives behind the reason why he loves his wife. And these can be good reasons. But the greatest motive is spiritual. It is supernatural. He, the husband, he sees that his relationship with his wife is godly. It is sacred. It is unique. It is set apart. Both the husband and the wife have Christ and their love for Christ at the center of their marriage. So spiritually speaking, spiritually speaking, the wife naturally loves and respects her husband. And ultimately she submits to him. And then spiritually speaking, the husband naturally loves and respects his wife.

And ultimately he loves her and works to love her as Christ loved the church. And that's the motive. So me and husbands, this teaching is vital. It's vital to the health of your marriage and your home. This is vital to your family. This is vital to the function of the family. This is God's design for the family. And if you're off here, you're in sin. It's been a while since I've said this. You know, sometimes we're in a message like this and we think, "Oh Lord, I didn't know this. I didn't know I was off." Well, repent. And for some, you might know that you've been off for a while and that is sin.

No matter where you are, we repent and adjust our lives to God's word. Now let's move on into chapter six. Let's move on into verses one to four. We're still looking at roles, responsibilities, and relationships. I do want to go back and read the verses. Verse one to four, chapter six. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth." And then verse four, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord." Now here, this is the title of the message. You've probably guessed it by now. It's real simple. We're looking at children, God's design for the family. Now we're going to look at these verses in two ways. We're going to look at the responsibilities of the children and then the responsibilities of the parents, mainly the fathers.

This is real easy for you to follow. I promise we're going to look at two major truths in the message. So number one, let's look at the responsibilities of children. Right out of verses one to three, the responsibilities of children. Now there is something real important here that I want us to see. And we need to get this before we get into the responsibilities. Notice that Paul addresses children directly. Look at the text. "Children obey your parents." Now this tells us something. This tells us that children were there in some sort of a public gathering. They were there in some type of a gathering of the congregation.

Scholars tell us this would have been read to the church at Ephesus and ultimately other churches. In our language, we can say it like this. The children, they were there in church. They were there in big church. Okay? Now you might not see this at first, but this is something that we need to take notice here. This has application for us today. Now I've already showed you that in their day, women were seen as second-class citizens, really even worse. Women and wives were seen more as property. They had no legal rights within the culture.

And also, if we look over in the chapter six, verse five, we see that Paul addresses another group in society that had an even lower station in life than women. And that would be slaves. These were actual slaves that he was addressing. Now they definitely were property in that society and they definitely had no rights. Well, in our day, we wouldn't get this, but here in verses one to four, Paul is addressing another lesser, another subordinate group of people in the society. That's children. Children had no rights in society as well. They were seen as second-class citizens as well or worse. And we could get a little deeper there.

Scholars could help us see what that actually looked like. But I want us to see the big picture there. So I'm trying to show you that Paul is directly addressing three of the lesser or subordinate groups within society. Women, that would be wives, children, and slaves. And by addressing these groups in the church, Paul was actually elevating them. He was elevating past the way society and culture saw them. And he is elevating them in the church and within church life. Now, what's the point? Society barely recognized these people and these groups. Society didn't recognize them.

They just recognized them more as property or second class or worse, but not God and not the apostle Paul. And speaking directly to these groups, Paul is describing them worth. You see? He is describing them value. Paul is saying something directly like this. You women, listen. You children, listen. You slaves, listen. You have value in the eyes of God. And this is how God wants you to live. Now, what's the lesson for us? What's the point? All people have value, folks. All people have value. I've taught you that thoroughly throughout the years here. All people have value.

And oh, there is something said about the church always reaching out to those that society overlooks. What did Jesus say to the disciples? You'll always have the poor among you. They're always going to be the disenfranchised, the overlooked, the hurt, the ones that have been abused by society. And when God gives us the ability and the capacity to minister to those who are lesser, who are lesser, we are to minister to them and we are to esteem them because God values all people. And that's the lesson there that we should be reminded of. God taught me that years ago.

That was one of the first great lessons God taught me when God called me into the ministry back in 1995 to value the weak. And the scripture say, "Blessed is those who have regard for the weak." Now with that in mind, the fact that God is elevating this lesser subordinate group that we see here as children, let's look at the responsibilities that Paul lays out here. First, they are to obey. Look at verse one, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." Now Paul talks directly to the children and he expects the children to be instructed to obey this instructed. He is expecting them to obey and that is this.

They were to obey their parents. This is a simple word. This has a simple meaning. It basically means to listen. It means to pay attention, but more. It means to yield. It means to obey. And this word was used in a general sense all throughout the New Testament describing how slaves related to their masters. And just as a slave, obey their master, Paul was calling children here to obey their parents. But there's more here. Notice the spirit of this obedience. Notice the spirit of this obedience. He says to obey in the Lord. Go back to the verse. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." In the Lord. This speaks to pleasing God.

This speaks to children obeying their parents out of a love for God, out of a love for their parents, and even out of a love for the authority that is over them in their parents. In Colossians 3.20, Paul says that this obedience even pleases God. So we see the spirit of the obedience. But also notice the reason for the obedience. Go back to the verse. "Obey your parents in the Lord for it is right." For it is right. Simply this means that obedience is right. This is right. This obedience is right and righteous. This is right because parents are given by God and the parental authority in the home is given by God. Simply this is right.

So Paul is addressing children. They're within the congregation directly. And he calls them to obey their parents in the Lord. And this is the right thing to do. And then second, they were to honor. They were to honor. We see that in verse 2 and 3. We know this is a quotation. "Honor your father and your mother." Verse 3. "That it may be well with you." Now here we see that Paul is quoting one of the 10 commandments. I think most of you know that. He's quoting the fifth commandment. And in quoting the fifth commandment, Paul is explaining the right attitude that should be behind this obedience.

Paul is explaining that this obedience should be infused with this heart attitude. The heart attitude seen in the fifth commandment. Now we see this heart attitude in one word. This is the key word. Honor. The heart attitude is in this word honor. To honor means to respect. To honor means to esteem. When God puts certain people in an authority, a place of authority over us, and we love them, well that is a love that is expressed in many ways. And one of the first expressions of that love is honor. We honor the one that is over us. We honor the one that we love that has a position of authority over us. You see, we honor them.

So Paul is calling children to obey their parents, yes. But to obey their parents in the Lord because it is the right thing to do, yes. And Paul is calling them to honor their parents and even the authority that parents have over them in the obedience. But there's another layer. The promise of a blessing. Look at verse three. That it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Now to be honest with you, there are all types of different opinions here. There are several different opinions about what this means to New Testament Christians. To these Ephesian Christians and even to us today.

Now originally the promise attached to the commandment. Originally this promise connected to the fifth commandment. It was made to Jews and it was made to Jews living within the nation of Israel. And with this promise, there were many physical and earthly blessings. We know that. But the apostle Paul explains here that there is an aspect of this blessing that is applied to Christians even in Ephesus and even in our day. Even though this blessing may not be physical in nature, may not revolve around a land and in a people called Israel.

The family where children love and obey their parents and where parents live in this mutual love and submission. That family will enjoy a godly peace, a godly harmony within the home and within a family. There is a type of blessing associated with this teaching and obedience to this teaching. So notice, take a step back here with this first major truth. We're looking at the responsibilities of children. God is calling children to obey their parents. He is calling them to obey their parents in the Lord. This is a spiritual exercise. This is spiritual. It is in the Lord. And this is practical because what does he say?

It's the right thing to do. And God is calling children to obey with this heart and this mind that honors their parents. This is all infused with this hard attitude of honor. This means that they are to esteem and to respect their parents and even their position of authority over them. It's probably a lot more in verses one to three than you thought. Now I want to make application here to children, teenagers. Listen close to Brother Chris. I want to apply this to you by asking you to examine your life in three ways. First of all, how do you view your place in life? Teenagers, how do you view your place in life?

See, their culture taught them that they were second class or worse. Their culture would have taught you that you are second class, you are property. But see, it's the opposite in our culture. Our culture has told you over and over and over and for years our culture has been telling you that you are the most important and that your parents are irrelevant and that your parents are even dumb. See, our culture is their culture in reverse. Culture always gets it wrong, teenagers. Culture is always wrong. So my question for you is this, how do you view your place? You got to know your place.

Teenagers, you are to be submissive to your parents and to their authority, they are over you. They are over you in the Lord. And listen, if you rebel against authority, all authority, if you rebel against authority, you are rebelling against God. Even the authority of a coach in a sporting event. Especially your parents. You got to know your place. But I also want to challenge you with these three words. Love, honor and respect. You love your parents? Teenagers, children, you love your parents? If you love your parents, you'll honor them. If you dishonor them, if you disrespect them, you don't love them as you should.

You need to examine, do you dishonor and disrespect your parents in the way you talk to them, in your attitude towards them, how you react to their instruction and their rules and their authority. See, if you're bucking the system, if you're bucking the system, you're dishonoring your parents, you're disrespecting your parents, and that is a reflection of your love for them. Listen, these are great sins, but they're celebrated by culture. Culture tells you that it's good. Culture tells you that it's just what teenagers do. You see, look, teenagers, you cannot love your parents as you should.

You can't honor and respect them as you should if you're not born of God, if you don't have the spirit of God within you because you're going to always do it in the flesh, because you're of the flesh. But then the third way I want to run this by you teenagers, especially you teenagers, is obedience. Do you obey your parents? Do you? Do you? Listen to the verse, "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for it is right." It's right. They give you rules as to when you should be home. Obey. They tell you to clean up your room. Obey. If they give you a list of chores at home to do, obey. Obey as unto the Lord, in the Lord. It is right.

Now let's move on. I want us to see our second major truth, and that is the responsibility of fathers. This is in one verse. Verse four, the responsibilities of fathers. And verse four, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Now here in verse four, Paul gives the other side of the child-parent relationship. You see? In the other side of this child and parent relationship that Paul addresses here is this. Parents and their responsibilities to their children. Now question. Is Paul addressing parents here? No. He is addressing fathers and their responsibilities.

Look at the text. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline, the nurture, the King James says, and the instruction of the Lord. Moms, wives, you're not there. Now why does Paul do that? Why does he single out fathers here? Paul is specifically addressing fathers because they were and are the head of the household. Remember? Roles, responsibilities, relationships. This is not that Paul is leaving out mothers in parental responsibilities and how they relate to that. No, it was that Paul was addressing the head of the household and that would be fathers. This was their responsibility first.

Now here Paul gives fathers two responsibilities. The first is negative. The second is positive. Easy for you to follow. First, do not provoke. First, do not provoke. What does the text say? Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Here Paul commands fathers not to provoke their children to anger. Now this does not speak of a one-time event. This does not speak of a one-time disagreement. No. It seems that Paul is talking about a repeated pattern of treatment. You see? It seems that Paul is speaking about a repeated pattern of treatment that causes the buildup of resentment and even anger.

This seems to suggest a pattern of treatment that even causes deeply ingrained anger and resentment within the heart of the child towards their parents. Now notice the result of this provoking. It's right there in the verse. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. See the result? This pattern of provoking can produce a deep-seated resentment and anger. This would be an angry spirit. This would be an angry disposition which would manifest itself in what? Resentful and angry behavior. But you know if we look at Paul's writings in Colossians 3.21, we see another result.

In Colossians 3.21, Paul speaks of another result of this provoking behavior from fathers. And I'm quoting the verse. Paul says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children. Least they become discouraged." So notice another possible result from this provoking. Discouragement. This pattern of provoking can produce a deep-seated, disheartened, discouraged, and even broken spirit and disposition. And this disheartened and discouraged spirit, even a broken spirit, can manifest itself in a disheartened and discouraged person. Even a broken child or a broken person. You see? So Paul is calling fathers here not to provoke their children.

And he is showing them the results of this provoking, which is a resentful, angry child, and also possibly a discouraged or a broken child. So first, do not provoke. Second, this is the positive. Bring them up. Look back at the verse. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline, in the instruction of the Lord." Here Paul commands fathers to bring up their children in two ways. But before we get into this bringing up children, we must see who is doing the work. Fathers. Now this is an important question. Is this fathers and fathers only? See, this is where people can get out of balance. Now listen.

This is a work of the fathers, yes. This is a work that fathers do, yes. Yes, fathers engage in the work. But also, it is he that oversees the work. It is he that makes sure that this gets done. It's not that the father farms it out, no. It's not that the father hires it out, no. He is engaged in the work and he oversees the work in the family. This is a work of mothers as well. Mothers have a key role in nurturing children, as well as bringing up children as we see in the verses. See, we don't just look at family roles and relationships only here. We see it in the totality of God's Word brought together. And mothers play a key role here.

But you know what else? This is a work of the church too. Paul is addressing parents and children, yes. He is addressing family responsibilities, yes. He is addressing fathers specifically. But this is in the context of the church too. And a big part of bringing up children is the work of the church. It's a work of the church. And look, I'm going to say more about this next week when we finish out this series. But now notice how fathers were to bring up their children. I'm going back to the verses.

The New American that I'm reading from says, "Bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord." The English standard says the same thing. The King James says, "Nurture and admonition." Many of you know that language. And that language is a little antiquated. That's why I like the more modern translations. But first, this word "discipline." Fathers are to bring their children up in the discipline of the Lord. Now this word "discipline" speaks of a plan and systematic training, yes. And this definitely includes the idea of correcting the child for doing wrong.

This speaks of training and disciplining children, which includes punishment. And yes, corporal punishment. Proverbs 13, 24 says that the parent who spares the rod of punishment, who spares the rod of discipline actually hates their child. Now I'm going to give you an assignment here. I've given you one. Proverbs 13, 24. You go study all of the teaching in Proverbs that says God expects Christian parents to administer the rod of correction, corporal punishment. God expects it. He says that if we spare the rod, we actually hate our children. Right now, some of you are saying something like this.

Some of you are saying, "Well, my parents really did love me." Sad thing is some of you might be sitting here thinking, "My parents hated me." The text says if you were spared the rod, you were hated. This is some interesting stuff. Oh, it can be extremely questionable in the eyes of certain people, but we must understand what the Scriptures say here. But we must see the purpose, the goal of the discipline here. Yes, it is to drive out foolishness from their hearts. Proverbs teaches us that. It is to drive out sin that is bound up in the heart of the child, but it is also to steer them towards right living, towards godly living.

So Paul says that the father is to discipline the child. Second, this word instruction. Fathers ought to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. This word instruction here speaks of putting something into the mind. And a part of this instruction is correction, but primarily this speaks of putting something in the mind. We would think of teaching here. We could think of words like education here. Instructing and teaching. Instructing and educating in the ways of God. And if you remember our study through Proverbs on Wednesday nights, you remember that we saw so much of this kind of instruction in Proverbs.

So much of Proverbs is about instructing the young son in right living and in godly living. So notice that God is calling fathers. God is calling fathers to a great responsibility in the home. First, one's negative. And then one's positive. And the negative, do not provoke your children. And the second one, it is positive. Discipline and instruct them in the ways of God in godly living. Discipline them by driving out sin and foolishness that is within the heart with that rod of correction. And instruct them by instilling in them God's word, godly living, godly ways, and their great need for God, which is what we'll talk about more next week.

Now an application to parents, especially fathers, I want to ask you a few questions here. Dads, do you provoke? Do you provoke your children to anger and discouragement? You know, if you're having a bad time at work, things aren't going good at the office. Do you come home and provoke your kids? Do you take it out on your children? It's an easy thing to do. I think Paul says this here because it's an easy thing to do. I mean, when money is tight, when you're having financial struggles, do you bring that into the home and do you provoke your children out of frustration? You see, do you bring work and do you bring money problems?

Do you bring things like that into the home and provoke your children? Do you just provoke them out of your own selfishness and sinfulness? See folks, we got to understand that this provoking, this provoking, it's not a personality trait or the way that we are, or I'm just like that pastor, no, it's sin. Call it for what it is. Second question, dads, are you actively discipling your children? Listen, today we are plagued with two childhood syndromes. Now, if you go to the doctor's office, they're probably not going to tell you about this syndrome. Two of them. One of them is called the ABW syndrome.

Let me explain what I mean by the ABW syndrome. Years ago when I was in youth ministry, there was an older man that I knew he had children before me. And you know, he looked at some of the teenagers that we minister to. He said some of them are absent of a behind whooping. He's biblical. Their parents hated him. They didn't put the rod to him. That's a syndrome, folks. It produces little animals that grow up to be big animals. Sometimes 17 year olds are animals because they didn't have a behind whooping, scripturally, biblically. And it starts when they're two. If little Johnny is a terror at two, little Johnny will be a terror at 17.

But you know what the other syndrome is? My child can do no wrong. Oh, my child can do no wrong. Now, what am I trying to show you here? Parents, dads, we have to actively, purposely discipline our children. Not being mean, no. Not out of frustration, no. Out of love. We're going to obey God's word. And look, we've got to understand what's in our hearts, the hearts and the minds of our children. The scriptures say that our children, their hearts are full of sin. They're sinners. They are born sinners. Proverbs tells us that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. And it is the rod of correction and discipline that drives that out.

And that must be coupled with instruction, teaching them the ways of God, the purposes of God, the word of God to point them towards godly living. And look, it's work. It takes time. Come home from work and you're tired and you want to lay down in an easy chair. That's when the work begins. The third question. Dads, are you actively and purposely teaching and instructing your children in the ways of God? Are you teaching them the word? Are you teaching them godly living by example? And in word and in deed? Listen, if you can't start with example, don't move to word.

Don't teach your children the word of God if you're living a hypocritical lifestyle. They'll see it in a minute. Are you purposely instructing your children and godly living right out in front of them? And in word and in deed? Look, folks, it's pretty easy for you here. Men, listen, we are teaching you the word of God here. You can take everything we teach you here and take it into your home and recycle it and the lives of your children. Just sit down with them. Just talk with them about what we teach you here. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, we give you a full diet, a balanced diet.

We pray hard to give you a full balanced diet here. Sounding doctrine. You can practically teach this in your children. Listen, moms, are you doing the same thing? You can sit down with them. You can talk as you're driving along the way. You can sit down at the supper table. Look, there are times when you sit down and then there are times when you just talk along the way. Mom and dad, are you doing this together? Now, I want to touch on something here. There are some people that will go to extremes here. They will think that if you do not have rigid times of family worship that you are in sin here.

Listen, the scriptures are absent of that kind of teaching. They're silent here. Now, there are some, it works for them. They sit down. They have the family altar, but there are some who don't. The scriptures are silent there. You got to find out what works, but you better be living it and you better be instilling it in their minds and their hearts. Sometimes the greatest teaching can be in the car. Sometimes it can be at the supper table. Sometimes it can be when you see sin in the life of your family. There are so many opportunities. Take what we give you. Pour it into your children. Dads, are you actively teaching your children?

And we're going to talk about this more next week. Now, I want to begin to conclude the way I have concluded the past two messages. I have concluded the message on wives and husbands the same way, reminding you of our roles, relationships, and responsibilities in the home. And a part of these roles, part of this responsibility and responsibilities, a part of these relationships is authority. The authority structure that has been given by God. Now, I know we don't like this word authority, but see, if we're born again and we have the spirit of God within us, oh, we're going to love the things of God and we're going to embrace authority.

Remember, I share with you that God is supreme in his authority. God is over all things, seen and unseen. He is over all men, all people, all nations. Listen, nothing's out of control. The coronavirus is not out of control. Things going on in the Middle East, they're not out of control. God's in control. An earthly government is an authority over men and people and nations. And God has established earthly government. And then in the life of the church, we have pastors and elders and bishops. We have men who are in authority over the church. And then the Christ, Christ Jesus is in authority over the leaders in the church.

But then we have parents. Parents are in authority over their children. Christ Jesus is in authority over the husbands in the home. And then the husbands there in authority over the family. But what am I trying to show you? I'm trying to show you how it all fits together, folks. And what Paul is doing is he is fleshing how all of that works out. Now, I want you to notice how this all fits together. This is wrap us up. It's all about mutual submission. Mutually submitting to one another and the roles and responsibilities that are here. Husbands submit to their wives by loving their wives and leading their wives as Christ did and does.

They submit to their children by not provoking them. Husbands submit to their children by disappointing them and instructing them in the ways of God. Yes, this includes the rod, but this includes purposeful instruction in the ways of God and in God's word and in God's godly living. And then children, this is all about mutual submission for you as well. Children submit to their parents by obeying them. Children obey their parents all while honoring their parents. They love them. They respect them. They esteem them because they respect and honor their parents. They obey them and they do this in the Lord because it is right.

So children, God's designed for the family. Let's pray. We'll commit this to the Lord and then we will dismiss.