Lessons on Roles of Wives and Husbands - Part 2

As always, I enjoyed that worship and I enjoyed that new song. I know that that is a sovereign grace song and I have used it in my own home in life. I believe that's the first time we've worshipped together with that song. Anytime Keith or Jared or those who are leading introduce you to a new song, I encourage you to get those and make that a part of your worship. Music should be a part of our worship even if you can't sing. To be honest with you, sometimes if you were listening to me as I'm worshipping in my own private time, you'd probably say, "No, Pastor, you can't sing. You better stick to preaching." But I enjoyed that worship.

Well, let's take our Bible. Let's turn back to Ephesians chapter 5. We were in verses 18 to 33 in our scripture reading, but I will not reference all of those verses. I will be right here in verses 25 to 33 and I will mention a few other verses. Some of these I have mentioned throughout this time that we have had together as we have been focusing on wives and husbands and Christian marriage. But all that I'm going to give you as far as the scriptures will be easy for you to write down for your own study.

Now, for quite a few weeks, we have been in these verses that have to do with the role and responsibilities of the Christian wife and the Christian husband. Of course, that would be verses 22 to 33, but also I have taught you that verse 21 is right there with those verses as well. So we do not need to leave verse 21 out. And look at the messages that we have had so far. From verses 22 to 24, we studied what I called the role of Christian wives. And to me, that one message got us started in all that the Lord is doing here in this teaching. And then we looked at what I called lessons on the roles of wives and husbands.

And we had four vital, four critical lessons that pertain to the role and responsibilities of both wives and husbands. Now, listen to your posture here. I have done a lot of prayer and a lot of study back into those lessons. And the more I have meditated on those lessons, the more I have prayed over those four lessons, the more I believe we need that teaching. I believe those lessons really have gotten into the heart of where so many struggle in their marriage. And maybe some of you have struggled in some of those areas. And you need to be a good student and be obedient to the Spirit and pray over that teaching so as to be obedient.

And then from verses 25 to 33, we studied the role of Christian husbands. And I took two messages to cover what our Lord has to say to us here. I guess if Paul took nine verses to try to straighten us husbands out, I can take two messages. And sometimes I feel like if I took four or five or six messages, I could not cover it adequately. And look, look at something that many men do. So many men want to focus on wives being submissive to their husbands, but we need to remember our first lesson. Remember the four lessons. The first lesson was the buck stops here. God expects us husbands to lead in the home.

Home leadership begins and it ends with us. This is God's standard here. And so God gives us this standard and He gives us an expectation. So I think we must make sure that we give verses 25 to 33 a little more of our attention and a little more of our study. Now I said earlier that we have covered verses 25 to 33 in two messages. And we should be moving on to chapter six verses one to four. And those passages have to do with the relationship between children and parents. But just like before, I feel strongly that we need to pause here and look at a few lessons and some additional teaching.

So this morning I want to bring us three lessons that have two purposes. The first purpose. Two of these lessons are simply more teaching around the role and the responsibilities of the husband. And then second or the second purpose, these lessons are just like the four lessons that we had a few weeks ago. These lessons are meant to complement all that we have been studying and all that we have been learning here. These lessons help drive all this teaching home and they address certain struggles and certain weaknesses that we may have or we may have in the future. So our message this morning will be all about three lessons.

And I will title this message just like the first. I will call this lessons on roles of wives and husbands. This would be a part two. So lesson number one. I call this your purpose in life. Husbands, I'm speaking to your purpose in life. Now I know that all men and women want purpose in life. All men and women find their purpose in many ways and in many places in life. Some of these things are good and some of these things can be bad. But specifically men and specifically husbands. They find their purpose in many ways that can be seen easily with a little bit of observation.

Some men find their purpose in making money and accumulating possessions. Some men find their purpose in career and career advancement. Some men find their purpose in their hobbies. They work to make money so as to fund their hobbies. Some men find their purpose in living out their dreams in life through their children. They want their kids to do all that they could not do. And they want them to have all that they could not have. Some men even find their purpose in alcohol and substance abuse. And some men even find their purpose in sex and immorality and all of those sexual perversions that are out there.

Now I could continue on in that list. You could probably add to it and some of you probably have even as I am speaking now. And notice how we can identify a man's purpose or purposes. Look at how he spends his time. Look at how he spends his money. Look at how he exerts his efforts in life. Listen to his speech, his conversations. Take note of his friends and associations. Simply look at how the man lives. And if you pay attention you will see his purpose or purposes plural in life. Well here in this teaching, all that we have been studying, we must see that God gives the Christian husband his purpose in life.

Now here is where I want us to go to a few verses. I want us to look at verse 25, 26, and 27. We know these verses but let's read them again. Paul says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." That's the church. "That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he," that's Christ, "might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." Here we see that the Christian husband's purpose is to love his wife as Christ loved his church so that he may sanctify her and present her without spot or wrinkle.

Simply the Christian husband's purpose in life is to love his wife with a Christ-like sacrificial love and a Christ-like sanctifying love. It is just that simple. Now last week when we dealt with this sanctifying love, I said that I believe most have not heard this kind of teaching before. Maybe I'm wrong. We all come from different church backgrounds, I know. But I believe many, if not most, have not been taught that God expects this out of a Christian husband. And here is what I want to do with this lesson.

As Christian husbands, I want us to see that our purpose in life is supposed to be that we love our wives with a Christ-like sanctifying love that comes out of that sacrificial love. Now here we need to see a few specifics that come together to show us what this sanctifying love looks like and how it works. We will start with Christ and his church, and then we'll move quickly to husbands and wives. But first, I want us to notice Christ and his sanctification. It is a positional sanctification. This speaks to the fact that when Christ died on the cross, he purchased a people for himself and he set them apart as his own.

They, which is believers in the church, they are in Christ and they are his people. And notice how this applies to the Christian husband and wife. When a man and a woman are married, they are positionally set apart. They are sanctified as belonging one to another. Now husbands, I have a question or two here. Have you set your wife apart? Is she sanctified? Which means she is set apart. She belongs to you and you belong to her according to 1 Corinthians 7. So have you set your wife apart as the most important person in your life? Even above your earthly mother and father.

But then second, Christ and his sanctification, it is a practical sanctification. This speaks to the fact that Christ is at work in his church to sanctify his people in a practical way on a day-to-day basis. Of course, individual believers and the corporate body have a responsibility in their sanctification. But Christ works and is at work to sanctify his church in everyday life. And notice how this applies to the Christian husband. Just as Christ loved and loves his church with a sacrificial and a sanctifying love, the Christian husband is to do the very same thing.

He is to love his wife with a Christ-like love and work to help in his wife's personal sanctification. Now, husband, a few questions here. Do you see that you are to be about the work of helping the work of sanctification in your wife's life? Do you understand that you are to be the greatest human agent to bring about the work of sanctification in your wife's life? Do you see that? I need to repeat that because that's new for some of you. Do you understand that you are to be the greatest human agent to bring about the work of sanctification on a day-to-day basis in your wife's life? Now, look, we must see this.

At the heart of the husband's sacrificial love is not just that the husband would lay down his life or his wife. At the heart of the husband's sacrificial love is the wife's personal spiritual growth, which is her sanctification. And as a Christian husband, you are to provide and to protect your wife. You are to nourish and mature your wife. You are to meet her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Yes, all of those things and more. And at the heart of those things and more is this, you are to provide for your wife a sacrificial love that is all about her personal spiritual growth. That is her sanctification.

You are to have a Christlike love for your wife that leads to a Christlike sanctifying love for your wife. And then third, Christ sanctifies his church by the Word of God. This speaks to the fact that Christ uses the Word to sanctify his people. And the Word is ecstatic. We learn that. The Word is not silent. It is not motionless. It is not frozen. It is not stagnant. This is the spoken, the declared Word of truth, which has within it the power to sanctify the individual believer and the church as a whole. We saw that Jesus depended on the sanctifying power of the Word for the sanctification of his disciples.

In John 17, 17, Jesus prayed to his father that they would be sanctified by the sanctifying power of wonderful, emotional Christian music. No, he didn't pray that. Jesus prayed to his father that they would be sanctified by an exciting and a vibrant work of the church. No, he didn't pray that. Think about what he prayed. He prayed to his father asking that they, his disciples, would be sanctified by the truth. It almost seems boring, does it not? And that is because he knew there was sanctifying power in the Word of God, the Scriptures.

And husbands, this tells us that if we are to be the greatest human agent to bring about the work of sanctification in our lives, the Word of God is vital to that work. A question. Can a believer be sanctified without the Word of God? Be careful how you answer that. Can a believer, a true believer, be sanctified without the Word of God? I say no. I say no. And if a believer in the church cannot be sanctified without the Word of God, then neither can our wives. And husbands, this tells us that we should know the Word of God, we should live the Word of God, and we should relate to our wives in the Word of God and with the Word of God.

Now let me show you how important the work of the church is. When we assemble together as a body, we are taught the Word of God on Sunday morning through the book of Ephesians, on Wednesday night through the book of Philippians. In small group Bible study, we're always going to study God's Word. Now we're in the book of Genesis. So what you do as a husband is you take the Word of God as you are taught in a corporate setting, and you take the Word of God, you know that Word of God, you live that Word of God, and you relate that to your wives. You know I don't meddle too much in your own personal choices. Let me encourage you something.

We all have things that come up where we miss. I get that. I get it. Work comes up, babies get sick, that's life. Vacations, that's all legitimate. But I want to urge you men, if your wives have to stay home, maybe something has come up with the children, those kind of things, and you can make it to church to hear God's Word, that will bring about a greater work of sanctification in your wife and in your home than you know. Now I get it. Sometimes you need to stay home to help with the children. But sometimes you'll be better off if you come and you're under the Word of God. Is the Word of God necessary for our sanctification? Yes.

So we as husbands should be the greatest human agent to bring the Word of God to bear in the life of our wives. Of course, wives have a personal responsibility as well. And then fourth, Christ sanctifies his church by the work of the Spirit. Now I know that we do not see anything mentioned about the Holy Spirit in verses 25 to 33. So we need to ask, how do we see the work of the Holy Spirit here? Well, let me explain. Now we know that Jesus left this earth and he ascended back to heaven. And we know that he did not leave his disciples as orphans.

In John chapter 14, 15, and 16, Jesus promised his disciples that he would send the Holy Spirit to help them and to guide them and to remind them of all of the things that he had taught them. He would remind them of the Word. And Jesus said in John 14, 17, that the Spirit of God would be with them and in them. We know that after the ascension of Jesus back to Heaven, the Holy Spirit of God did come. In Acts chapter 2, we see that when Peter was preaching at the day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit of God fell on all the believers there in Jerusalem. And the Spirit of God was with them and in them.

Simply all of the believers there were filled with the Holy Spirit of God. And we know and understand that the Holy Spirit continues his work in the church even today. The Spirit works to sanctify both individual believers and the church as a whole. And the Spirit of God empowers the Word of God in this sanctifying Word. But take note of how this relates to the Christian husband. When the Christian husband is filled with, he is controlled by the Holy Spirit of God like we see in verse 18 of chapter 5. He has the Holy Spirit's power to be the greatest human agent for the sanctification of his wife.

It is truly the Holy Spirit that gives the husband this ability. Because on his own, the husband does not have the power to help sanctify his wife. And my questions for husbands here today is this. Is the Holy Spirit empowering you to help sanctify your wife? If not, why? Are you spirit-filled and controlled by the Spirit as you relate to your wife and to help make her more godly each day, each day, each day? Of course wives, you have a responsibility here as well. So husbands and wives, all of us need to see this.

Husbands, our purpose in life and our purpose in marriage must be that we love our wives with a Christlike sacrificial love which leads to a Christlike sanctifying love. And look, you cannot have a Christlike sacrificial love that does not lead to a Christlike sanctifying love for your wife. You can't. Look back at verse 25 and 26. Tell me if you don't see it. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her.

You see, he sacrificed his life that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy without blemish. And look, folks, we must be a church full, full of Christian husbands who see that their greatest purpose in life is to be that greatest human agent for their wives in their personal sanctification. But one more question. Husbands, why would we engage in this work? Look at verse 27.

"So that," here's the wow, "so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish." This means that one day, on that glorious day, Christ will present his church to himself without spot or wrinkle. This simply means that Christ's church will be presented to Christ without sin, without fault, without blemish both inside and outside. Christ will present to himself a perfect church. And so husbands, we should be presenting day by day, week by week, wives that are more godly both inside and out.

We should be presenting day by day wives that are more free from sin, more free from fault, more free from blemish in their inner being and in their behavior. Husbands, how are you doing here? This is your responsibility. How are you doing here in helping sanctify your wife? I know every now and then I'll do something rather odd and humorous, but this just came to my mind even this morning. Remember that song a few years back that was popular, "I Can Only Imagine," sung by Mercy Me? I looked it up this morning. It came out in 1999. That seems like just yesterday but yet forever ago. Of course we know the story of that song.

It's about imagining what heaven would be like. But with that phrase in your mind, "I Can Only Imagine," I can only imagine what our church and our homes would be like if we had a church full, if we had a church full of men who were sold out to their purpose in life, loving their wife with a sacrificial love, which leads to a sanctifying love. I can only imagine what the church would be like. So husbands, lesson number one is this. Your purpose in life, it is to love your wife with a sacrificial love that leads to this sanctifying love.

And then lesson number two, this is what I call, "You Have a Marriage Manual." Husbands, you have a marriage manual. Now the second lesson is just like the first in that it comes out of this teaching in verses 25 to 33, but it is different than the first in that it is a little bit shorter. Now at this time, I want you to see something about the church in our day. This is not new news to some of you, but it is new news to others. But we are blessed and we are cursed today. We are blessed in that we have more books, more preaching, more conferences and seminars on Christian marriage than ever before in the history of the church.

And we live in a country where those things are readily available to us, to all of us. And think about it. 200 years ago, the availability of books and preaching and conferences and seminars on Christian marriages, it did not exist like it does today, if it even existed at all. And even today in 2023, there are believers in other countries that do not have these types of conveniences. Christians in North Korea and Christians in some Muslim countries do not have access to books and preaching and conferences and seminars on Christian marriages like we do.

There are believers in free countries that do not have access to these things just because of their poverty and their isolation from what we would call the civilized world. But in my opinion, these great blessings from God have become a horrible curse. And that is because the prevalence of such things have created churches full of professing believers that are ignorant of the things of God that God has clearly taught us about Christian marriage in the Scripture. And this ignorance can be seen when so many professing believers and true believers fall from error. I'll give you an example.

Back in 2007, there was a book that came out by a very famous and I believe a solid man of God. He has been a pastor, a conference speaker, a seminary teacher and professor as well as many other things. And I'm going to tell you this book was scooped up, it was read and it was adopted in many churches. Well, you might be asking what's the title of the book? The title of the book was "Family Driven Faith" by Vody Baucom. And look, as a pastor, I wrestled with the teaching of that book and how that book and the movement that it was attached to was affecting people in the church, even people that I was trying to pastor.

And with the help of the Spirit and studying the Scriptures and listening to others, this is the conclusion that I came to. "Family Driven Faith" by Vody Baucom has some good teaching in it, but at the heart of the book, its message is a lot about personal opinions, overcorrections and some bad hermeneutics which is really bad faulty biblical interpretation. Another example, around that same time, there was a big movement which spread through certain segments of the American church. It was called the Family Integrated Church Movement.

At the heart of that teaching was that all age divisions and age-graded classes and events in the church were sinful. They taught that those things were modern inventions and they were added to the church. They taught that the church should be comprised of intergenerational ministries, which means that worship services and all ministries should be comprised by all ages. I'll give you a few examples of what that looks like. They didn't believe in having a church nursery. They said that was a modern invention, it was sinful.

They didn't believe in adult classes, so they would bring their children or teenagers into a Sunday school class that was meant for adults. Or they just did away with all of those classes altogether. Now what is my point in naming a book like that and naming that movement? Many true believers in the church adopted those teachings. Many churches adopted that teaching to their demise. But the problem with that book and almost all of what the Family Integrated Church Movement taught is that they were adding to what the Bible said. Let me repeat that.

The problem with that book and almost all of what the Family Integrated Church Movement taught is that they were adding to what the Bible said. Listen church, listen very well to your pastor here. It is a wicked sin straight from hell to take away from the Scriptures. And I believe it is more wicked and sinful to add to what the Scriptures say. I say it is more wicked because many times people think that they are more godly when they add to what the Bible says. That's what the Pharisees did. And look, the truth of God's Word minus part of the truth of God's Word is a full blown lie.

And the truth of God's Word plus anything else added to that truth, it is a full blown lie. Now here is the blessing that is actually a curse. The curse isn't the false teaching like I have just mentioned. The curse is that we have so much preaching, so many conferences, so many seminars on Christian marriage than ever before in the history of the church. So we do not need to study just what the plain Scriptures say. We do not need to work through what the Scriptures say about Christian marriage and the family. You see, what is meant to be a blessing, what should be a blessing, that blessing turned out to be the curse.

Now at this point I need to show you the manual. You know what a manual is? This manual simply has two pages. The first page of the manual is the gospel. The gospel, the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is the first page of the manual for husbands to learn how to love their wives. You study the gospel, you study the gospel, you study the gospel. And the second page of the manual. Christ and His relationship to the church. As seen in the New Testament, Christ and His relationship to the church is the second page of the manual for husbands to learn how to love their wives.

So you study the church, you study the church, and how Christ related to the church throughout the New Testament. Now at this point I am just going to give you an assignment. If you want to study and learn how to have a better marriage, study the Scriptures. Study the gospel. Study the New Testament. And look at how Christ related to the church. Think about it. The New Testament contains the gospel. And the New Testament is all about Christ and His relationship to the church. You know many of us are about Bible reading plans. And I am for all Bible reading plans except for the ones that we do not do.

The best Bible reading plans for you would be this. Read and study through the New Testament every year. Every year. Year after year. Year after year. Do you get it? If Christ and His gospel and how He relates to the church is what we should imitate and mimic, shouldn't we study the gospel? And shouldn't we study the Scriptures? A seminar can be good. Another preacher can be good. All of those books can be good. But if they divert us from what God has given us, aren't we in trouble? Look, if we have to have all those things, what about those poor fellows in the jungle who have only the Bible? I guess they can't have good marriages.

You see my point? And look church, especially men. How will you know counterfeit teaching about the home and marriage and children? How will you know counterfeit teaching when you encounter it? How are you going to know? How will you know true teaching when you encounter it? How will you know? It's when you know the Scriptures. You know what a counterfeit is by knowing the real themes, the Scriptures.

And if you know the Scriptures, even when a good counterfeit comes from a famous author, a respected pastor, or a very respected and popular conference preacher, you will be equipped to say, "No, that is not what the Scriptures say." And you know what? If you know what the Scriptures say, if this pastor preaches something that's not in the Scriptures, you'll be able to say, "No, the pastor is wrong. That's not what the Scriptures say." So husbands, you have the manual. You have the manual that teaches you how to love your wife with a sacrificial and sanctifying love. Our problem is we don't read and know the manual.

And then lesson number three, I call this lesson, "We are called to be evangelists." Husbands and wives, we are called to be evangelists. Now, this lesson will be different than the first and the second. This lesson is different in that it does not come from the verses that we've been studying. And something else about this third lesson, this lesson sets us up for the next portion of Scripture. That's chapter six verses one to four. Now, I want us to think about something here. This requires you to put on your spiritual thinking cap. I do this to you all the time. I want you to think and engage with me. That's why I ask so many questions.

But what could be the greatest tangible example of Christ's love for us in the world? Think about that. What could be the greatest tangible, relatable, and demonstrated example of Christ's love for us in the world? Now, you should get this right. Christian marriage. And not the common or average Christian marriage, but the Christian marriage that we see starting in verse 21 and then in verses 22 to 33. And look at how this works out. First, Christ's love is on full display through the Christian husband's love for his wife. Think about it.

If the Christian husband truly lives out his role in responsibilities, he will love his wife with the love of Christ. As a spirit-filled husband, he will love his wife with a Christ-like sacrificial love that leads to a Christ-like sanctifying love. And this is tangible. This can be seen. This can be heard. This is a real-life example. This is a picture of Christ and his love for the church. And think with me here. What can prove to the lost world that Christ and his love for people truly exists? Our charismatic friends want miracles.

But the miracle of the true Christian marriage can prove to the world that Christ and his love for people truly exists. But then second, the church's love of Christ is on full display through the Christian wife's loving submission to her husband in the Christian marriage. And think about this. If the Christian wife truly lives out her role and responsibilities, she will love and submit to her husband. As a spirit-controlled wife, she will submit to her husband in all things out of love and respect. And this can be seen. This can be heard. This is tangible. This is a real-life example and a picture of a people's true love for Christ Jesus.

Of course, the people, that's the church. And look, church. What can prove to the world that Christ and his love for people truly exists? Not a church full of entertainments. Not a church caught up in social justice. Not a church that looks like the world. No. But churches full of husbands and wives with true Christian marriages, you see? And notice where the true Christian marriage has great evangelistic power. Two places. The first place in the home. Children in the home should be able to see the gospel before they ever hear the gospel. And if they hear the gospel without seeing the gospel, the message of the gospel will have no power.

That needs to be said again. If children hear the gospel without seeing the gospel, the message of the gospel will have no power. Let me give you an example. I heard the story of a well-known pastor that passed away. They had his funeral. The pastor after pastor eulogized the pastor. Nothing wrong with that. And after the funeral service for the pastor was over, everybody dismissed to the church fellowship hall to eat, family and friends. That's a good thing. Someone I knew happened to be sitting with the family. And in a very serious and quiet voice, one of the pastor's children said something like this.

I wished I would have known that man they talked about. So my question for husbands and wives is this. Do your children see the gospel in your marriage? Do they see the gospel in how you relate to one another? And listen sir, listen ma'am, do not share the gospel with your children if your marriage relationship does not picture the gospel in the home. I firmly believe that many children that grow up in the church and in professing Christian homes do not come to saving faith because they do not see the gospel in the home. They see the opposite.

And maybe that son or that daughter of that pastor would have come to faith in Christ if they would have seen the gospel instead of just hearing the gospel. In the second place where a Christian marriage has great evangelistic power, that is the world. Look, neighbors, co-workers, friends and associates should be able to see the gospel before they ever hear the gospel witness from us. And if they hear the gospel without seeing the gospel, the message of the gospel will have no saving power. Let me explain what this looks like. You know as a pastor I do a lot of different type of counseling. It's part of what I do.

I'll never forget I was involved in a situation where a son was a professing Christian, but he had a lot of growth seen in his life. He had a lot of error in his life. He had a lot of arrogance in his life. And he professed to know Christ and shared the gospel in a very harsh and open way. And I'll never forget his mother said, "If that's what being a Christian is, I would rather go to hell." And listen, do not share the gospel with your neighbors and people you know if your marriage does not picture the gospel. Oh, you may be able to hide that by marriage for a little while, but the truth comes out in time it always does.

And maybe that mother of that Christian was nothing but a hypocrite. Maybe she would have come to faith in Christ if she would have seen the gospel instead of just hearing the gospel. And notice where the true Christian marriage has great discipleship and discipline power. One place in the church. Look, how many young married couples could be impacted if we have a church and we have small groups that are full of true Christian marriages? Think on that. I can only imagine. So husbands and wives, we are called to be evangelists. It starts with husbands. Our mission field will ride home with us in our cars this morning.

And the gospel must be seen in our marriages. Otherwise, ramifications are not very pleasant. Now, as I begin to close, what have we seen here this morning? Three vital lessons. I call them critical lessons. I'll call them critical and vital lessons over and over. These lessons pertain to true Christian marriage. And these three lessons all go together with the previous four and we need to keep them together. And always remember, we're being tested here. This teaching is proving us for who we are and what we are. Right now, right now, right now we are determining who and what we will be by how we accept or reject these things.

This is what I call the Abraham test. And always remember, we are being tested in another way. This teaching is forcing us either to submit to the authority of God's Word or to reject it. And there is only one way or the other. There is no middle ground. That is why I call this the trust and obey test. Trust and obey, there's no other way. So let's pray. Let's commit these things to the Lord. And let's look forward to how the Lord is going to build Christian marriages, true Christian marriages, in our church, in our homes, and as the Lord leads us in the world. Let's pray together.