Obstacles to the Family part 1

I like the last phrase of that song, "Till he completes the work begun." You let that sink in for a moment, you'll feel the weight, the importance of Christ working in us through difficulties, trials, questions, problems, heartaches, you name them. It's not just that He wants us to be through our difficulties, our trials, it's that He wants to work in us and then work through us. I like that phrase, "Till he completes the work begun." I like that song as well. Thank you, Brother Keith. We'll take your Bible this morning, turn with me to the book of 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians will be in chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 will start in verse 12, we'll go down to verse 16. The past two weeks we've been in Ephesians chapter 5, but we're moving on to 1 Corinthians 7 starting in verse 12. We'll be right here in this one portion. I know last week we were in several scriptures, but we will only be right here in Paul's letter to the Corinthians. Now we're in our series that I am calling messages from the pastor's heart. You know by now that these are some subjects. This is the subject, the family. It's been on my heart for quite some time. We've been in this series on the family for three weeks so far. I have been burdened quite some time.

I've been praying for quite some time about how the Lord would want me to address some things. Like I said before, this is by no means an exhaustive series. We're just looking at some subjects that I feel like are very pertinent to where we are today. Now we started the beginning of the series by going all the way back to the first family. We went all the way back to Adam and Eve. This was the first marriage. This was the first family. This was the first marriage ceremony. We see that marriage ceremony at the end of Genesis chapter 2.

It was the Lord Himself who officiated that ceremony and He took one Adam and He took one Eve and He joined them together and He made one. That is the mysterious work of God unifying two individuals and making them one. So we went all the way back to the beginning. And our second message, we looked at the husband. We looked at the responsibility of the husband. We saw in Ephesians chapter 5 that it is the husband who are to lead. Contrary to what the afternoon talk shows may say, what is portrayed on the most popular sitcoms God's design is that the husband is to be the sole leader of the family.

If we question this role, then we question the very word of God and we question the authority of God. Now we go back to the beginning. What happened when Adam and Eve moved away from the authority of the word and moved away from the authority of God? They had sin, they had failure, and they had calamity. Last week we continued in Ephesians 5 and we looked at the duty of the wife. We learned that the wife is to submit to the headship of the husband and this word submit has been redefined, it's been ignored, it's even been hated inside and outside the church. But the definition is plain and the definition is simple.

The definition of submission, biblically it means to be under, it means to be subject to authority or under the authority of another. And again, if we question this duty of the wife, then we question God's word, we question His authority. And again, we go all the way back to the mistake that Adam and Eve made, they moved out from under the authority and the instruction and the pattern and the plan of God. And so if we do that in either of these roles, the role of the husband, the role of the duty of the wife, if we make that mistake, then failure, sin, and calamity comes to the family.

Now in functioning in my biblical role here, I am responsible in many different ways. Let me show you what I mean. I'm responsible as a shepherd and I am responsible as an overseer. We see this in 1 Peter chapter 5 verses 1, 2, and 3. Here Peter describes the role of an elder. It's a great multitasking role. Listen to what Peter says. So I exhort the elders among you. Notice who he's writing to? As a fellow elder, see Peter as an apostle was an elder as well. And a witness of the sufferings of Christ as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed. And notice verse 2, shepherd the flock of God.

There's that role that is among you. Exercising oversight. There's that role. And now notice the motivation, not under compulsion but willingly as God would have you, not for shameful gain, but eagerly, not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. So as I minister here, as I get to know you, as I walk with the Lord and preach and teach and minister in your life, I see your struggles. I see your spiritual strengths. I see your weaknesses. I see the influences in your lives, both good and bad. As I see your struggles, I see your struggles with jobs. I see your struggles with money.

I see your struggles with your parents or your spouse's parents. I see your struggles with your children. I see your struggles with your church background or maybe the fact that you have no church background. I see your struggles with your past life. Maybe the struggles with your current life. And listen, that is a list that is not exhaustive, but I think you see where I'm going. And I want to say this to you. As I see you and as I minister in your life and I observe you, these struggles weigh heavy on my heart. Remember what Peter said. Shepherd the flock of God that is among you. Exercise oversight.

And these struggles that you face weigh heavy on our heart. And I speak for myself. I speak for Brother Keith. As we desire to see the Lord work in these struggles, they are very heavy on our hearts. Now in ministering here at NOLA and especially the past couple of years, I have been observing obstacles that some families face. I want us to take some time and examine these obstacles in light of what God's word says. I don't want to offer you my opinion. I want to offer you what God's word says. Now today we're going to deal with just one obstacle.

We have several obstacles that we're going to look at, but this morning we have time for one and that obstacle is the obstacle of a lost spouse. There are many within the church that struggle with a lost spouse. And I think this is a universal problem within the church. I think you can go to any church on the face of the earth and you will find this obstacle within the lives of some families. And I also think that that could be a problem for some even with an hour fellowship. Now question. How does this happen? How can a man and a woman be united in marriage and then all of a sudden there is one within that marriage that is a Christian.

They are truly born again and they find themselves married to an unbeliever. They are some who come to Christ after they are married and they find that they are married to an unbeliever. I've seen that numerous times in my years of ministry. They are some. They are truly born again Christians. They were walking with the Lord but yet they marry someone and they find out later that they are married to an unbeliever. So you see there are two ways in which a Christian finds himself in this situation.

Now however you find yourself or however one might find themselves in this situation that is not the most important thing but the fact is there are true Christians that find themselves married to unbelievers. Now I'm holding on to the title of the message that we've been holding on to since the beginning. It's a lengthy title I know but I want us to hold on to that and I'm adding or I'm changing the end of the title as we continue. The family, our fundamental foundation, obstacles to the family. This is a part one and this first obstacle is how do I deal with a lost spouse. How do I deal with a lost spouse.

You see the truths that we're going to explore. We're going to be right out of 1 Corinthians 7 verses 12 through 16. We'll look at the reality of an unbelieving spouse, the impact of the believing spouse and the biblical release from that marriage. These main truths come right out of these verses. We're going to dive into them verse by verse and we'll let the scripture speak to us, let the Apostle Paul speak to us as he is ministering to that Corinthian church. Trust that you're taking notes, I encourage you to take notes. We want you to develop that habit so that you can study and learn and get all that the Lord wants to give you.

So let's look at our scriptures. Starting in verse 12, but to the rest of you or to the rest I say not to the Lord, not the Lord that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. Verse 13, and a woman who has an unbelieving husband as he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her husband, for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave.

The brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. Verse 16, for how do you know a wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know a husband whether you will save your wife? Now our main truths, we'll just track along with these verses. So let's look at main truth number one, the reality of an unbelieving spouse. The reality of the unbelieving spouse. We see that out of verses 12 through 13. Now, this reality can be difficult for some Christians to come to grips with. No one, no true born again Christian wants to believe that their spouse is an unbeliever.

And it is important for you to see that a hindrance to dealing with this obstacle is failing to come to understand this reality. Let me state that again. It is important for you to see that a hindrance in dealing with this obstacle is failing to come to understand this reality. Now, I want to make three observations out of these verses. First of all, we see this problem for the believing man or the believing husband.

Look at verse 12, "But to the rest I say not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away." Notice that the language reads, "If any brother has a wife." Now all of the translations we study say the same thing. So this is a problem for the man, for the husband within the relationship. But second, we see this is a problem for the believing woman or the wife. Look at verse 13. Verse 13 really mirrors verse 12, but it's turned around.

"And a woman who has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away." Notice the language reads the same thing. Now in both cases, whether it's a believing husband or a believing wife, but in both cases the verb unbelieving means one who is not a Christian, one who does not believe. That is simplistic, that is obvious. We do not have to do very much extensive study to understand what is being communicated here. So first we see this can be a problem for a believing husband, and then second we see this can be a problem for a believing wife, that either one can have a spouse that is not converted.

And then third, what shall they do? What shall they do? We see that in both verses, verses 12 and 13. The answer is given. Paul says here that if the unbelieving spouse shall consent to stay in the marriage, they should not be sent away by the believing spouse. The verb send her away in verse 12, which we do find in verse 13. That verb means it can be read, leave her, do not leave, do not leave the husband, do not send that husband, that wife away. So what do we see? The question to that answer, what shall they do, is found right here in the verse. It is obvious.

If that unbelieving spouse consents to live within that marriage, they shall not be sent away. So here we see the difficult reality of the unbelieving spouse here. Now if you're familiar with 1 Corinthians 7, all through chapter 7, there is practical teaching on marriage. And I encourage you to read the chapter. Very simplistic, very practical teaching. And now starting in verse 12, Paul addresses this major problem. Within the Corinthian church, there were people who were coming to faith in Christ and many of them were beginning to realize that they had an unbelieving spouse.

And so we see within this practical teaching the practical reality that some have an unbelieving spouse. Now an application, there are some here, maybe you have accepted this reality for quite some time. I've known people through my years in multiple churches that I've been affiliated with, some serving on staff, some attending as a lay person. But I have known people who have accepted this reality for quite some time. They are confident that their husband or their wife is not born again and they are living with that spouse. They are living with that burden day in and day out.

But yet there are some, they are in the process of accepting this reality. I have counseled and I have listened and I have watched people go through this process. Sometimes it is a difficult process. I have also known some who needed to come to this realization. Listen because they could not come to the realization that they were living with a lost individual. They were married to a lost individual. It was a hindrance to allowing them to address the obstacle. You see? Now this inevitably brings up the question, how do I know if my husband or my wife is not converted? That's a difficult question.

I've got to believe that if your spouse loves the Lord and is truly converted, they will have a love for the Lord himself. They will walk with the Lord. They will know the Lord. They will walk with Jesus. They'll be able to articulate a particular time of conversion. We believe that the scriptures teach that conversion is a one time historical event. It's not a process. They will be able to at a very elementary level at least explain how God converted them and then we will see that they are walking with the Lord. I'm not talking about a perfect walk, but yet they are desirous to walk with the Lord.

They will have a heart for the things that the Lord loves. They'll have a heart to love the church and other believers. I have a difficult time believing that any person is truly born again if they do not love the church and do not love God's people. They'll have a heart for the work of the church and kingdom work. They'll have a heart to see other people come to faith in Christ. They'll have a heart for the Word of God. They'll have a heart for prayer. What am I showing you? They'll love the things that God loves.

Sometimes this is difficult for a spouse to deal with and if you need help in sifting through whether or not your spouse is converted or not, that's what we are here for. That's what our wives are here for, to pray with you and lead you through the scripture, to possibly come to the reality that you might be dealing with an unbelieving spouse. I hope not. I hope and pray not. I don't want that for you, but that could be the case. Let's move on. Let's notice truth number two, the impact of the believing spouse. The impact of the believing spouse.

I want to go back and read verse 14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband." I want to pause there. We see that Paul has established the reality that some Christians within the Corinthian church were married to spouses that were unbelievers. Then after teaching that they were not to put out this lost spouse, he goes on to teach what kind of positive impact this Christian spouse can have. It seems as if Paul is saying, "Don't give up.

Don't see this situation as only negative." It's like Paul is saying, "Listen, God can use you." Now I'm going to make two observations out of this verse. First of all, the impact of the Christian spouse on the lost spouse. The impact of the Christian spouse on the lost spouse. Verse 14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband." Now this inevitably leads us to a question. Is Paul teaching that the unbelieving husband or wife will be saved through the salvation of the believing husband or wife?

Is Paul teaching that this unbelieving spouse does not have to experience personal salvation in their own life? No, that is not the case. This word sanctified means set apart. The English Standard Version that many of us read uses the word made holy. Now from time to time I will quote a paraphrase. A paraphrase is not a translation, but from time to time I will look at the old amplified paraphrase. Now listen to what the amplified says. I love this. The simplified reads, "Set apart and then in parentheses separated withdrawn from heathen contamination and affiliated with the Christian people." This is accurate.

"For this verse means the unsaved spouse is set apart and blessed because their spouse is a Christian." Somehow some way God views that lost husband, that lost wife as set apart because of the influence of the saved spouse. I like what John MacArthur says dealing with this verse. And I quote, "One Christian in a marriage brings grace that spills over on the spouse, even possibly leading them to salvation." I really like how he says that. That Christian spouse brings grace that spills over onto that unbelieving spouse. So we see the impact of the Christian spouse on the lost spouse.

Second notice, the impact of the Christian spouse on the children. The impact of the Christian spouse on the children. Verse 14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband. For otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy." Again, Paul is not teaching that the children are saved because of the believing parents' spiritual protection, because of the believing parents' Christianity. Paul is teaching that the impact of the believing parent exposes them to spiritual protection and spiritual blessing.

The impact of the believing parent, and I want to borrow John MacArthur's wording here, the impact of the believing parent spills over onto and influences the children. Now notice the contrast. If these children were of two unbelievers, they would be outside of the impact of the Christian parent. Go back to the verse. "For otherwise your children are unclean, outside of the impact of a Christian parent. But with the presence of just one Christian parent, they are set apart, they are impacted.

The spillover of God's grace through that believing parent makes an impact." So here we see the tremendous impact a believing spouse can have in the home where there is an unbelieving spouse. Here we see tremendous potential. The possibility of tremendous good coming out of a seeming bad situation. It's really like these verses are thick with optimism. Now in application, for you, for me, for us, maybe for those of you, you are a believing spouse and maybe you realize that you are married to an unbeliever. Maybe you know someone. Maybe you have a son or a daughter.

They are a true believer and you believe that they are married to an unbeliever. What must we see here? First, we must see the tremendous opportunity to be used of God to impact the spouse and the children. You see that? If you are here and you are married to an unbelieving husband or wife, see that you have a tremendous opportunity to be used of God to impact your spouse and your children. Second, a question. Are you making an impact or are you wallowing in defeat and negativity and despair?

Some of you might have a family member or a friend and they are married to an unbelieving spouse and they are wallowing in negativity, they are wallowing in defeat and they are wallowing in despair and they are not approaching it in a positive, optimistic manner that Paul lays out here and they are missing that opportunity. And third, could it be that God wants to use you? Could it be that God wants to use your friend in an imperfect situation to impact that spouse or that child or those children, you see?

There is a tremendous opportunity and we must not be in negativity, we must not be wallowing in defeat, we must not be wallowing in despair. None of these situations snuck up on the Lord. Somehow, someway, God ordains these circumstances and it could be that God wants you or wants to use our family member or our friend to impact that lost spouse and impact those lost children within that home. So you see the impact of the believing spouse, very optimistic and a two-fold opportunity to impact some for the gospel. Let's continue on and let's notice truth number three. Truth number three, notice the biblical release from the marriage.

Let's read verses 15 and 16. Notice the transition, Paul uses this word yet, yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave, the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know a wife, whether you will save your husband or how do you know a husband, whether you will save your wife? Now so far we've been looking at the situation where the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay within the marriage to the unbelieving husband or wife. So far we have been talking about a positive within a negative situation, but now it seems to change. Now three observations about this out of these verses.

First of all, if the unbelieving spouse leaves, Paul says, let them leave. Go back to the verse, verse 15, yet that's the transition. If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. It's plain and simple. Here this term is referring to a leaving that ultimately leads to divorce. We see the same term used earlier in the chapter in verses 10 through 11. I will thumb back and I'll read these verses. Notice what Paul says, but to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband.

But if she does leave, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and that the husband should not send his wife away. So what we see here is this term is used here in verse 15 and in verses 10 through 11. And here this is obviously talking about a situation that ultimately ends up in a permanent divorce. Paul is saying that if the unbelieving spouse cannot prevent the unbelieving spouse from leaving, therefore they should submit to this. What does he say? Let it be so. The King James says, let him depart. So what do we see? If the unbelieving spouse leaves, they will not consent to live in that home.

They desire to leave and leave permanently. Let them leave is what Paul says. And then second, in this case, the believer is released. Go back to the verse. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. The brother or the sister, that's the saved spouse here, is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. Notice this word enslaved here. This is a strong word that means exactly what it says. Enslaved. The literal reading of the original is, has not been enslaved. This means that when the unbelieving spouse leaves, they leave and they will not be reconciled. They leave and they leave in a permanent manner.

The believing spouse is free from that marriage. And then third, we see that here we have peace. Look at verse 15. I'll go back and read the entire verse yet. If the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us, what does it say? To live in peace. Paul is saying at the end of verse 15 that God has not called the Christian spouse to live in slavery to a spouse who leaves and refuses to come home. Paul is saying that they are allowed to live in freedom, to live in liberty, and to live in peace. Now, notice verse 16. There are questions. Now, what is Paul saying here?

Is he advocating against the divorce or is he advocating for the divorce? Now, the construction of the original can read either way, but what is the context? In light of the context, it seems that Paul is speaking of accepting the difficult divorce, accepting the difficulty of a lost spouse who leaves, who will not stay in the home, and who leaves in a permanent manner. Now, this poses a major question. Is Paul making light of divorce? No, he is not. Paul is saying that when an unbeliever will not live with a believer, they leave and they refuse to come home, and they leave and they desire a permanent divorce.

When nothing else can be done, the believer should let them go, and they as a true believer can live in peace and liberty and freedom because the Scripture says so. So here we see the negative outcome to this situation of the Christian married to the non-Christian. Paul is not advocating for divorce, but he teaches that there is a release when the non-Christian walks out and refuses to reconcile when the non-Christian walks out and walks out in a permanent manner. Now, for some of you, you are surprised at this teaching. You say release from marriage?

We must see that the Scripture does allow for Christians to be released from marriage to be released to divorce on specific grounds. This is not good. This is not what God desires, but it is allowed. And I want to share with you the three biblical releases from marriage. First of all, death. When a spouse dies, that spouse is publicly released from that marriage. Romans chapter 7 verse 2 says, "For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage." Death brings about a release. The second way that one is released is adultery.

Matthew 19.9 says, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery." So what do we see here? This is a release because of adultery. And then third, desertion. A permanent desertion, which is what we're looking at here. First Corinthians 7 verse 15. This time I'm reading from the English Standard version. "But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved, but God has called you to peace." So these are the three ways in which a Christian can be released from that marriage. Paul is not advocating for divorce.

God does not desire divorce. But there are situations where this comes about. This is not something that we want to see, but this is the sad reality that we live in in this day. Now in studying and preparing and going over these verses, I could not help but think about individuals that I've known who have walked down this path. I think about people that my wife and I have counseled, some who have watched their marriage go into the divorce court because of adultery. I think about those who have watched their marriage go into the divorce court because of desertion.

I've known individuals who came to Christ, I think about one young girl in our home church years ago. Young couple, they both started coming to church and this young girl came to know the Lord. She just dealt with that unbelieving husband, dealt with that unbelieving husband, went through wonderful counsel from our pastor and his wife. But finally that husband said, "I've had enough of your Christianity," and he left. And ultimately she had to go to the divorce court because he would not come home, biblically released from desertion. And then I have known some who lost their spouse to death. So what do we see?

The biblical release, it's not a positive thing, but it's the reality that Paul lived in and the Corinthian church dealt with and that we live with today as well. Now as I begin to move to the conclusion, I want to deal with the conclusion with a question. What do I do? If you're here and you've come to the realization that your spouse might be lost, if you're here and you're coming to the realization, you're working through that, that your spouse might possibly be lost, I'm going to give you five pieces of practical teaching that will help you. First of all, see that God can use you. Remember Paul's optimism?

Listen, even if your spouse never comes to faith in Christ, God can use you as a witness to that unbelieving spouse and God can use you to impact your children. No matter the outcome, see that God can use you. Don't allow yourself to be swamped over with negativity and defeat and despair. See that with his help and God working in you that God can use you. Can you see that in what Paul said? The wonderful optimism? Second, you must be a growing, maturing, obedient Christian. You will never address this situation if you are not. And listen, this takes time and it is hard work. You do not become a mature, growing Christian overnight.

When you are converted, you might begin to be obedient and walk with the Lord, but that does not mean that you are mature overnight and especially in a difficult marriage. Listen, you must be growing and maturing and you must be an obedient Christian. Do you think that God can use you to impact your lost spouse and children if you are weak and immature and self-centered and violating in your Christian faith? Heavens know. If you have a family member, if you have a son or a daughter or a friend and they are dealing with a lost spouse, you need to step in and help them grow and mature. And look, you must be a growing, mature Christian.

Third, pray. Pray some more and keep on praying. You might say, "Pastor, that's kind of obvious." No, listen to me. It might take many late nights of prayer. It might take many early morning times of prayer. It might take stealing lunch breaks for prayer. It might take prayer and fasting. I point you to one of the greatest examples and that's the story of Hannah in the book of 1 Samuel. She wasn't dealing with a lost husband, but she was dealing with being barren. But the example of Hannah Fitz, because she had a great crisis in her life and what did she do?

She went and she prayed and she prayed day after day, month after month, year after year and looked through that prayer. She became what? A growing, maturing Christian. And fourth, have your family in church. Now, I'm not just saying any church. Any old church just won't do. Listen, have your family in this church. You might say, "Pastor, you're being mighty prideful." Listen to me close. This church is not led by self-seeking carnal men. Brother Keith and I are not self-seeking carnal men. We are seeking to be that first Peter type of an elder. This church is not bogged down in the muddy ditch of man-centered, entertainment-driven programs.

This church preaches and teaches the Word. Look at our program, people. We have the Word of God taught on Sunday morning. We have the Word of God taught on Sunday night. We have classes for our little ones. We have Sunday school on Wednesday night. You can call it Bible study. We are working hard to teach and to preach the Word. Look at our program. It's not man-centered and it's not focused on entertainments that will make you feel good. And we work hard because we know that it's the Word of God that's going to transform your life. This church believes that it is the naked gospel that saves and nothing else. We don't lean on gimmicks.

We don't lean on programs to try to get people to make decisions. The profession of faith is damn more people in the Baptist church and we are trusting in the naked gospel. We're praying and waiting on the Spirit of God to bring lost people to faith in Christ. This church believes that it is the Word of God that transforms men and women into solid, growing Christians. This church loves the saints and loves the sinners no matter what class or no matter what color of their skin. So what I'm saying to you is have your family in this church. We love you. Brother Keith and I work hard for you.

We are not in this for self-centered gain, for pride, or for egotism, or what we can get. We will pray with you. We will labor with you. Our wives will meet with you. Our wives will stay up all night with you. Our wives will schedule special times with you. Why? It's not our job. It's our calling. And we take that burden very seriously. And I say have your family in this church. Then fifth, expect God to transform you. In the midst of the reality that you might have a lost spouse, expect God to change you, to grow you, to mature you. And listen, that struggle could be just tailor-made for you. What did we learn in James about trials?

We are to welcome trials. What have we learned in our study in John, specifically chapter 11? Listen, trial, sickness comes our way, and we must let the Lord lead us through those trials and difficulties and sicknesses, even if we have to be grumbling like the disciples, even if we have to be short-sighted like Mary and Martha, allow the Lord to lead you through the trial that he has allowed you to be in. And it is first to grow you and change you. So what do we see? These are five pieces of practical teaching that will help you. First God can use you. Second you must be a growing, maturing Christian.

Third pray, continue to pray, and pray even more. Fourth, have your family in the church. And fifth, expect God to work in you. So what are we looking at this morning? Obstacles to the family. And listen, having an unbelieving spouse is a tremendous obstacle. But I believe some of you might see that God can work in a way in which you did not expect. He can. I believe he desires to do so, and we trust and hope that he will. Let's pray together.