Obstacles to the Family part 1 continued

1 Peter chapter 3 verses 1 through 7. You should be familiar with James. We went verse by verse through James. If you find your way in James, just go to the right and you will find yourself there in 1 Peter. Now we've been in our series, Messages from the Pastoral's Heart, and this series comes out of several subjects that have really been heavy on my heart. These are things I've been praying over for quite some time and discussing and praying with Brother Keith and our prayer times together. Then in the Word about these subjects, and I've been allowing God to mold these into this message series, Messages from the Pastoral's Heart.

And we started with the family. Now in starting with the family, we've had three messages which I believe have laid a very important foundation. We started at the beginning when we went all the way back to the first family. That was Adam and Eve. We examined the responsibility of the husband out of Ephesians 5, and we saw that the husband is to lead the family. Then we examined the duty of the wife, and that is submission to the headship of the husband. And now that leads me to a question. What is the foundation? The foundation is the proper roles within the family all under the authority of God within the family.

If you look at what we've learned, they've been truths that have been laid down layer upon layer, all under the authority of God's Word, God's pattern, God's design. That's why it was important to go back to the beginning to Genesis chapter 1, chapter 2, and chapter 3. And we really need to understand that if we move away from this foundation for the family, sin and calamity, dysfunctionalism comes very soon. Now, last week we made a change in the messages on the family. We started looking at what I call obstacles to the family, and this is where my role as a shepherd, as an overseer, really comes into these messages.

Now, I know I mentioned the passage out of 1 Peter chapter 5, a passage that describes my role as an elder, as the pastor here. I want to revisit that passage. Let me read it for you. You don't have to necessarily turn there. This is one of my life passages, but 1 Peter chapter 5 verses 1 through 3. Notice what Peter writes. He says, "So I exhort the elders among you as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed." We see his role there. He operated as an elder, but he was an apostle. That's why he said what he said about witnessing the sufferings of Christ.

But verse 2 reads like this, "Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight." That is the duty. That is the function. That is the job of the elder. And notice how Peter really encourages the elders to do their jobs. This word "exort" in the original. It's not a stern or a hard command, but it is a mild exhortation. In this word "elder" here, in the beginning of the verse, verse 1, it's in the plural. So Peter is encouraging the elders, plural, of the church to teach and to protect and to guide the flock. That was their job. Shepherding refers to their role as coming alongside and teaching the truth.

And that word "overseen," it refers to their protection and their guidance and their oversight of the flock. And that is the purpose of these messages. As the pastor, minister of the gospel, an elder in the life of this church, these are subjects that I really feel like we need to address. And some of you desperately need to address in your own life. And these messages are meant to teach you, they're meant to protect you, and they are meant to guide you. Now like I said earlier, last week we started what I called "obstacles to the family," and I call this a part one.

And really this part one came in the form of a question, "How do I deal with a lost spouse?" This is part of that longer message title. I know it's lengthy, but hold on to it. The family, our fundamental foundation, "obstacles to the family." And this morning we are continuing with this first obstacle. We are continuing with this first obstacle. So this is really part one continued. Many of you have this lengthy message title already down in your notes. So we are dealing with this first obstacle. How do I deal with a lost spouse? So we're going to be in 1 Peter 3 verses 1 through 7.

If you really look at the Corinthian passage in comparison to the passage in 1 Peter, Paul is helping us understand the reality of the lost spouse. And now Peter will help us as we need to know what to do in the situation with a lost spouse. Now you see the truths that we're going to explore, but let's read these passages together and then we'll dive into the verses. 1 Peter 3 verses 1 through 7. "In the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word without a word by the behavior of their wives.

As they observe your chaste and respectful behavior," some translations read pure. Verse 3, "And let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses. But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable qualities of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God.

For in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands." Verse 6, "Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." And then verse 7, "You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since you is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." Now we're going to break this passage down in two ways. First, we're going to look at the wife.

We see that in verses 1 through 6, and then we're going to look at the husband, and that will come out of verse 7. So first for the wife, you're a Christian wife, and you're living with a non-Christian husband. What shall you do? Peter's going to answer some of those questions out of these verses. So let's look at main truth number one. You are to be submissive. You are to be submissive. Verse 1 and 2, "In the same way you wives, be submissive to your own husbands." Now we learn last week that the wife is not, she is not to leave her unbelieving husband, but she is to live with her husband.

But here in 1 Peter, we see the first thing in living with that non-Christian husband that she should do, and that is to submit to him. Now remember the meaning of this word submission. We learned that in Ephesians chapter 5. This means to be subject to, or to be under another's authority. It's a very simple definition, but that is exactly what is meant here. Now let's break down these verses, three observations about this submission. First of all, notice the details of this submission. Go back to the verses.

So be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. So we see details of this submission. To see some of the details here, we must do some language study. Let me explain what I mean. First of all, this word be here in the verse. Here it makes a strong implication that this submission is to be voluntary, and it is to be habitual. The new international version really captured the original meaning of the verse here. Notice what it says.

And it goes on to read submit yourselves to your own husbands. What is that talking about? That's talking about that habitual, voluntary, habitual submission. Yes, even to a non-Christian husband. So notice those details about this submission. It is a voluntary, it is a habitual, it is an ongoing submission. Yes, even to a lost husband. Second, notice the goal of this submission. The goal of this submission. The second part of verse 1 reads that they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. So we see the goal is that they may be won to Christ to faith in Christ.

Peter here uses this phrase if any of them are disobedient to the word. Now Peter has been teaching all through this epistle that true believers are obedient to the word and unbelievers are not obedient to the word. That is one of his themes through his book. We see this in chapter 1 verse 1 and we see this in chapter 2 verse 8. So this word 1, it means that they would be won to faith in Christ. And this word 1 can be translated gained. So that's the goal of this submission. That they would be gained, that they would be won to true faith in Christ which would produce obedience. Then third, notice the manner in which they are won.

The manner in which they are won. Go back to the verse. They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Here Peter is saying that they are not won by the words of the wife but by the deeds. They are not won by the wives preaching at their husbands but by the wives actions. The husbands are won by submissive, respectful, and pure behavior. The English Standard reads respectful and pure. So notice the observations of this submission. This is a habitual. This is a continuous, voluntary submission. The goal is to win, to gain that lost husband.

And the manner in which this comes about, this witness does not come about through words but it comes through actions. And so Peter here really explains, Father, what this behavior from the unbelieving wife towards the unbelieving wife towards the unbelieving husband should look like. This is a voluntary, a habitual submission coming out of a respectful, pure, and clean life. You see? This is how the wife should submit. Now in application, I have a couple of questions. First for the wives.

If you were here and you suspect that your husband could be lost and outside of Christ, disobedient to the Word of God like Peter's talking about, my question for you is this. Are you living in submission to your non-Christian husband and are you submitting from a life that is characterized by this type of behavior? Is your non-Christian husband observing a pure and clean Christian life? And is he observing a respectful submission to Christ in the Word of God and to him? It's a very loaded question. The second question is for husbands. There's a husband here who was lost without Christ.

Outside of this obedience to Christ as Peter's talking about, my question for you is what kind of life, what kind of home life are you asking your Christian wife to submit to? And if you're here as a husband and you're lost, I want to give you a firm warning. You should be very, very careful what kind of what kind of life and home life you should require your wife to submit to. Now inevitably this leads to a major question. This is one that's been asked many times for there have been many wives who have lived with non-Christian husbands and it's inevitable that wives will come to the place and they say, "Yes pastor, I understand.

I must be submissive to my non-Christian husband, but where do I draw the line? Do I ever come to the place where I say no, where I do not submit?" Yes, there does come a place. You should never submit to abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse. You should never submit to sexual immorality and that could come in various forms. You should never submit to breaking the law. You should never submit to an abortion. I have known of husbands when their wives became pregnant. They did not want that child. That list is endless. This comes to the place.

This comes to the time when you need serious pastoral care because there are not clear black and white lines that are drawn in these issues. But what I'm trying to show you is in your submission to a lost husband there does come a time when you do draw the line and you say, "No, I cannot submit to that." So let's move on. Let's notice truth number two. This is the Christian wife living with the unchristian husband. Number two, you are to be modest. Look at verse three. We're going on down to verse four.

"And let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God." Now many people have made mistakes here in these verses. This has led many people and they're mistaking these verses, the meaning of these verses. This has led many people to venture into legalism. But Peter is not forbidding women from a nice hairstyle. He is not forbidding women from jewelry or even wearing nice clothes.

He is saying that the Christian women are not to place a heavy emphasis on such things. Now this must be interpreted in light of the culture. In first century Greek culture there was a terrible obsession by women to adorn themselves in a very extravagant manner. Many women went overboard with elaborate hairstyles, expensive jewelry. They even put expensive jewels in their hair. They went overboard with expensive clothes and this was done out of a very prideful heart. Vanity. So that's what Peter is working against. So two observations out of these verses and these observations come in the form of questions.

Question number one, how should you approach the external? You're a Christian wife, you're living in the home of the non-Christian husband, how should you approach the external? What does he say? And let not your adornment be merely external. Braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry are putting on dresses. Now here Peter is not prohibiting all external adornments, otherwise he would be prohibiting clothes. Because look at the end of verse three. He even talks about putting on dresses. So he's not drawing a harsh line. Peter is calling Christian women not to dress, not to fix themselves up like the worldly women of the day.

Greek women in that day were obsessed with their appearance. They were excessive in their hairstyles. They even used these forms of hair weaves with all these gold jewels and precious jewels in their hair and they wore an excessive amount of jewelry and expensive clothes. They were excessive in their dress, elaborate in their appearance. They were materialistic and prideful in their approach to dress and appearance. So what Peter is saying is don't dress like them. The second question, the second observation in the form of a question, how should you approach the internal?

Look at verse four, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. So now Peter teaches how Christian women should present themselves. Notice this phrase, hidden person. The King James reads, hidden man, this speaks of the inward man or the inward woman. Notice the qualities of the inner woman which should be prevalent in the Christian women. The New American reads gentle and quiet spirit. The King James reads meek.

This speaks of a calm, this speaks of a gentle disposition which is free from that pride, free from that arrogance, and free from that envy. So here Peter is teaching that Christian women should concern themselves with spiritual adornment and use very good caution with physical adornment. They should seek to adorn themselves with a submissive, calm, and gentle spirit or disposition. Now an application. The first century church in the modern church have the same problem and that is women in the church being affected by cultural standards for women in dress. But there's one difference.

The first century Greek women were known for excessive elaborate and prideful dress while modern American women are known for pride, known for prideful no dress. Women today hardly wear any clothes and they are proud and just like in Peter's day worldly dress and the lives of women have spilled over into the church, that has spilled over into the American church. In an application as your pastor, as your overseer, as your shepherd, I want to say to you women, you need to seriously examine your clothes. Some of you might need to examine what's in your closet. You definitely need to examine what you are looking out in your shopping experiences.

Men, husbands, let me say this to you, you need to help your wives because you know how a man's mind works. You know how a teenage boy's mind works. If some of you need to look at your wife and say sweetheart, no ma'am, that's a little too short. That's a little too revealing. Some of you men need to help your wives because I believe some women don't know exactly how a man's mind works. And you need to examine these things. Parents, you need to be very careful with your daughters. And I know it's difficult. I've heard my wife come home a many a day from shopping and saying it's tough to buy clothes because of what is out there.

And no doubt the Christians that Peter was rotting to went through the same difficulty. And we should understand that Christian beauty is not showing your body nor wanting to be an elaborate and excessive dress. No, Christian beauty is an inner beauty. And if you love the Lord, you should want to have a submissive, quiet, calm disposition. You should want to dress modestly so the whole world will not see a hypocritical compromise in your Christian walk. And I want to be careful with Tom here. In my notes, I have this example question because of time, but I do want to share it. I ran across this in a fresh new way when I was in India.

Now one thing that's liberating about traditional Indian dress is for the most part it's very conservative. It does not take long, didn't take long for me to realize that when I got to India, especially in the villages and the countryside. But I'll never forget when we were in the state of Manipur, if you look at your Indian map to the north and to the east, we were in the state of Manipur and we were ministering in a village called Thangkang Pai. I remember the name of the village because I took a picture of the name of the church. It was Thangkang Pai Baptist Church. And as we were walking through the village, I noticed something.

I noticed teenage girls mimicking American dress. And you know it really broke my heart. It really, really broke my heart. As we came to the time when we ministered in the life of the church, it was kind of a one-day conference type setting. There were several things that the Lord really broke my heart about. And I don't know that I've ever done this, but I asked to address the congregation again. There were two things that I addressed the congregation about and one of them was I addressed those women. And I looked at those young ladies, those teenage girls, and I apologized that my country had taught them to address in a very revealing way.

And I complimented their culture that they're women when they are true to their culture, dressed in a very modest way. And I begged them through tears to please not mimic what they have learned from my country. Peter says you are to be modest wives in your dress and appearance and the way you carry yourself. Let's move on. Truth number three, still dealing with the wives, living with this unchristian, non-Christian husband. Number three, you are to learn from biblical examples. Notice how it changes in verse five. "For in this way, in former times, the holy women," and it goes on to talk about the godly women of old.

And then in verse six, we see Sarah, Abraham's wife, mentioned here in these two verses. Peter is teaching that there were Old Testament women who were and are models for the church. These women were models of inner spiritual beauty and character as well as great spiritual character. They weren't perfect. They had their flaws, yes. And they were noted for being submissive to their husbands as well as the way they carried themselves. Peter gives a great example. Sarah, Abraham's wife. There are others in the scriptures. I could not help but think about Ruth or her mother-in-law Naomi. I could not help but think about Hannah.

Could not help but think about Esther. So what am I trying to show you? There are examples of the way Christian women should dress and carry themselves in the home and in the culture all throughout the word of God. Now I'm not going to spend a great deal of time here, but I'm going to point you, ladies, to the Old Testament and to the New Testament, and I implore you to go and study on your own. But in application, I thought about this. Ladies, you have women to learn from here at NOLA. I'm very thankful that there are women who are very careful and they are in line with the scripture in dealing with these issues.

I read to you earlier 1 Peter 5, but in 1 Peter 5 verse 3, that passage states that elders must be examples to the church. Did you catch that? Brother Keith and I are to be examples to you, and if that is the case, the wives of the elders must be examples to the women of the church. And I want to say this to you, ladies, our wives are here for you. You have a gift in our wives. Now you might say, "Pastor, you're being very a little prideful here." No, I want you to hear me close.

There are some churches, the pastor's wife is not involved in ministry, they do not get involved in people's lives, all they do is sit on the pew and they go home, but not our wives. They will pray with you, they will cry with you, they will teach you, they will instruct you, and as a matter of fact, they might get on you. Why? Because they love you, ladies, and they want you to live for the Lord. And if you are struggling in any of these areas, especially in dealing with a lost husband, they will labor with you and pray with you and walk with you through this. So we have examples even in our church. Let's move on to the second portion.

This is a shorter portion. Peter does not spend quite as much time on the husbands, but second for the husband. This is out of verse 7. Let's go back and look at the verse, verse 7. "You husbands likewise," see that is a continuation of what he's been teaching in verses 1 through 6, "likewise live with your wives in an understanding way, as a weaker vessel since she was a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." So what I want us to see, I want us to see if you're a Christian husband and you are living with a non-Christian wife, what should you do?

So truth number one, you should live with your wife. Isn't that what he says? "You husbands likewise live with your wives." This word lives here, it means dwell together, and it speaks of two living together in an intimate close way. To us, this does not seem like powerful teaching, but this was light years away from first century Greek culture. Most men in first century Greek culture had wives for several purposes, some of those being bearing children, performing domestic duties, and for physical and sexual needs, but they did not live together with them in a close, intimate personal relationship.

The wives would have been seen more as a possession of a man, and he would have felt no obligation to live with his wife as Peter is teaching. So this teaching would have cut against the grain of popular Greek culture. Two observations here about this husband living with a wife. First, live in understanding. You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way. This word understanding speaks of being considerate of his wife's physical and emotional needs. He is to know these needs, and he is to meet these needs as they live together.

As she is to submit to him and his leadership, he is to understand her, and he is to nourish her, he is to care for her, and he is to provide for her, you see. So he is to live with his wife and live understanding his wife. Second, notice that he is to live understanding her position. You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel. All the translations that we study, they read weaker vessel. Men and women are commonly referred to as vessels in the scriptures. Isaiah 64.8, Jeremiah 18.6, 1 Thessalonians 4 verses 4 through 5. Those are a few examples. And women were created as the weaker of the two.

The scripture explicitly states this speaks of the husband's need to nurture her, to protect her, and to provide for her. Why? Because she is the weaker of the two. So here we not only see that the believing husband is to live with a non-believing wife, but how he should live with her as an understanding husband, meeting her needs physically, emotionally, and spiritually, caring for her as that weaker vessel. Now an application. Husbands must see their responsibility here. Speaking to Christian husbands, we are to see our responsibility.

Husbands are to make the effort to live with their wife in this manner, seeking to understand their wife, seeking to know their wife, and to nourish and care for their wife. And there are two key things that jump out of this verse. First, the man's responsibility, and second, understanding that she is the weaker vessel, even if she's lost and not a Christian. A tremendous responsibility. Peter says you should live with that non-Christian wife. Let's move on. Move on. Number two, you should honor your wives. Again, the context is the Christian husband with the non-Christian wife.

The second part of verse seven, "And grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." I want you to notice the key word here, which is in the New American, and that is grant. The English Standard reads, "Showing honor." Showing honor. This word literally means to portion out. This is a picture of a husband giving, or portioning out in a controlled manner. What he is he giving her? He is giving her honor. Again, this is a completely different picture from the cultural norm of Peter's day.

Women were not even second-class citizens, but they were viewed more as property and even treated as slaves in certain circumstances. So we see here that the husband is to show, is to grant, is to portion out honor. So you should live with your wives giving honor. Let's break down these verses. How and what this should look like. First, the husband is to honor her as a fellow heir. As a fellow heir. And grant her or portion out to her honor as a fellow heir. This speaks of the Christian wives' position spiritually. Although they are in submission to the role of the husband and to the husband, they are in that submissive role.

Spiritually speaking, before God, they can be joint heirs with Christ just as the husband. As husbands and wives relate to each other, they have different roles, but as they relate to God, they are both joint heirs. So he is to honor her as a true joint heir with Christ if she's in Christ. Second, he is to honor her as a true companion. Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. Now, notice the language here. Fellow heir of the grace of life. This word grace means a gift. And what Peter is saying here is this. Husband as the leader of your wife. Honor her as a fellow heir of the gift of life.

As Peter is elevating marriage just like Paul did, it seems that Peter is saying that one of the greatest gifts of this life is marriage. Peter is saying husbands, honor your wives in this great and wonderful gift of marriage. So he is to honor her as a fellow heir, and he is to honor her as a true companion. And then third, he is to honor her with prayers for salvation. Again, the context is an unbelieving wife so that your prayers may not be hindered. This refers to the husband's prayer for the salvation of his unbelieving wife. We see this theme.

This theme of the lost spouse is given in verse one, and it is carried all the way to verse seven. That is the theme of these verses. This lost spouse, this lost wife, this lost husband is carried all the way through from verse one to verse three. Peter is saying that if the husband does not honor his wife as delineated in these verses, his prayers will be hindered. So here Peter is calling on Christian men who are living with non-Christian wives to do almost the unthinkable in the eyes of that culture, and that is to honor that wife. Now an application.

Husbands, no matter, no matter what kind of wife you're living with, no matter if you're living with a non-believing wife or a believing spouse, you should honor them. Remember that language? Portioning out, giving out honor as the head of the family, the leader of the family, honoring that wife, giving out honor, honoring them as a fellow errand Christ if they're in Christ, and as a true companion. Now I think most men at best acknowledge their wives rather than honor them. I'll be honest with you, I don't know that I've ever heard a message on honoring the wife in this manner.

I think that at best most men acknowledge their wives instead of truly working hard to honor them because in our flesh what do we do? We're the leaders, follow me, but what do we see? Peter says to honor them. Give out, portion out this honor. Now in moving to the conclusion of the message, this wraps up this first obstacle. What is this first obstacle? It's a question. How do I deal with a lost spouse? What's the context?

Dealing with the family, the fundamental foundation, the family, going all the way back to the beginning, looking at Adam and looking at Eve and looking at the authority of God as he organized the family and gave the family, looking at the responsibility of the husband and the duty of the wife. The husband is responsible to lead and the wife, her duty is to submit. So that is the background in dealing with this first obstacle, living with a lost spouse. How might we conclude? Going all the way back to Ephesians 5. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

If you're a husband here and you're dealing with a lost wife, if you roll up your sleeves, if you get into the Word of God and you learn how Christ loved the church and you emulate that, let me tell you something. You will do a good job of honoring your wife and your prayers for her conversion will be heard. And you know, for those of us who are living with Christian wives, this message might be a tune-up. It might be an attitude adjustment. It might bring our hearts in line with where we should be. It might reveal to us areas where we need changing. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church.

And then for you wives, wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. If you're here, ladies, wives, and you're living with a lost husband, subject yourself to Him as you do to the Lord. Subject yourself to Him as you do to the Lord. And you study the life of the church. You study the church in the Scripture and how the church should relate to Christ and you mimic that. And let me tell you, God will use you. And you will not have to witness with words. You will witness with your actions. So how do we conclude? Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church. And wives, subject yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord.

The first obstacle, dealing with a lost spouse. Let's pray. Lord Jesus, thank you for the very practical,