Qualities of Christian Friendship

Turn to chapter 27. You already know by now we're going to be in chapter 27 and I do think back to the message we had in chapter 26 last week. It's a good one to go back and study Sorry, I keep pushing you like that. I just want you to be a good student. I try to be a good student Now I want to share with you something that went on in my life Many of you know about this time in my life that helps us get going in the right direction We need to get our minds and our thoughts going in the right direction most of you know that I I spent a period of time in my life when I was by vocational and During that time I did some hospice chaplain work.

I did some hospice chaplain work now You could describe hospice work It could be rather lengthy but really a real short definition of hospice work is this hospice ministry hospice work is is end of care End of life care when someone's terminally ill Hospice comes in doctors and nurses and it's end of life care and it can be very very wonderful I had a grandfather that had hospice care and it was really good and In being a part of that kind of work I saw medical professionals doctors and nurses and others who really just did give they really did give good care now a chaplain comes in And gives spiritual care I would come in and I would try to give spiritual care and each circumstance was obviously Different, but I remember going to a home in Natchez I never forget going to this particular home, and it was right around Christmas and The lady that I visited was from another city and she had moved to Natchez Because of Hurricane Katrina, so she had been in Natchez for Quite a while, but her situation was one of the saddest that I ever saw now It wasn't sad because of how poor she was she was really poor It was obvious.

She was real poor it really wasn't sad because of how dirty her home was it was really dirty lots of cats lots of animals They will be times. I'll be honest with you They would say would you have a seat brother Chris or pastor Chris and sometimes I would just stay in And sometimes I would look for the safe place to sit and then sometimes I just said it doesn't matter because it really didn't matter But her situation wasn't sad just because it was dirty Wasn't because she was just poor it wasn't really it really wasn't sad because of her terminal illness And it really wasn't that sad because of her spiritual condition now.

That's a long list of a bad Circumstances, but her situation was so very sad because she was all alone She had hardly any family she had a distant family member who didn't even live in the area And she had no Church family she had no friends and I found out her closest friend was a Medicaid worker That she really barely knew she had only known a short period of time And I visited with many clients who were in sad circumstances But for some reason when I saw someone that was alone.

It was a different type of sadness It was a different type of sadness now that example reminds me of the fact that God did not create man to be alone God never created man. God never created woman to be alone Think about this God himself is not alone God Exists in three persons God the Father God the Son God the Holy Spirit We understand that they are one but yet they were they were they were separate I don't ask me to explain that we've dealt with that many times in dealing with proper Christology in the doctrine of God So God exists in three person as a matter of fact The book of Revelation says that God is surrounded by a whole host of living creatures who are worshiping him Of course all the saints who have died they are with God in heaven and they are worshiping him think about Adam There was a period of time when Adam wasn't alone if you know the creation account He names the animals and really when I was in seminary we dealt with some of the original language It basically means that every time he dealt with some of the creation the animals nothing Responded with him.

He literally said None of these animals are like me talk like me look like me nothing fits me But what did God do God gave him a wife God gave him Eve The Apostles were not alone those early disciples were sent out two by two think about the great Apostle Paul. He was not alone Barnabas one of his closest companions Silas was one of his closest companions He was really close with Titus and Timothy those were two of his greatest students. He was not alone So it is not good for a man. It's not good for a woman to be alone All of us need friends All of us need friends, but not just friends.

We need Christian friends now we have Non-christian friends. Yes, but we need Christian friends We need Christian friends that last for years even a lifetime. We need relationships Christian relationships That thrive through the trials of life we need relationships that make us better people Throughout all of the chapters of life we need relationships friendships that simply make us better people But more importantly they make us better Christians Now some rhetorical questions so rhetorical means you don't have to answer them just think about it Let's be honest. Can you think of a time when a friend deserted you or disowned you?

Deserted disowned you maybe you have nothing to do with them now. They disowned you or deserted you can you think of a time when? difficulties or differences cause distance between you and Friend I've seen that be really difficult in life Especially when they stay distant and one of them passes away and that relationship has never healed Can you think of a time when a friendship was tested and then that friendship was made stronger? Can you name one person in your life that is a true friend Can you name a person in your life that you are a true friend to see it goes both ways? Okay, it goes both ways you see we all need true friends.

We all need Godly friends we need to be true friends and we need to be godly friends We also need certain qualities to have true Christian friendships So that's what we're going to look at and it might surprise you that this is in Proverbs now This is not an exhaustive list as I was studying this week these verses just came to the surface You can find some other verses in the in the book of Proverbs that deal with friendships And I promise you you could really add to this list now When I give this to you tonight if you go in your own personal time and you start naming other characteristics That's good.

You take that make that a part of your life make that a part of your personal discipleship so this is what we're going to look at you see the title of the message qualities of Christian friendship you could call this characteristics of a Christian friend. There's many different ways you could title it We're gonna look at three things you see that before you the correction of a friend That's all out of verse five and six the closeness of a friend That's just in verse nine and then the commitment of a friend Now when we put our information out on social media about where we're going I did put verse 17 We're not going to divide verse 17.

I'm gonna save verse 17 for The end and like I always say I'm not exhaustive. There's a lot that you could probably study on your own I'll give you a little tip here as you're writing that information down Tommy is one of them Tommy's not here He's detained tonight, but Tommy's one of them that'll take and he'll study a little more and he'll come up and say Chris You could have said this you could have said that that's all good. That's part of us being a good student So we'll read the verses as we go.

So we're looking at certain characteristics or qualities that are needed in a Christian friendship So number one the correction of a friend look at verse five and six the correction of a friend Better is an open rebuke I'm reading from my English Standard Version the new American that I read from says the same thing better is Open rebuke then hidden love faithful of the wounds of a friend profuse or the kisses of An enemy now we have contrasts here both verses Contrast Solomon we know Solomon penned these words. He is contrasting behavior that highlights good qualities In a friendship and then not so good behavior in a friendship.

Okay, I Call this correction because I see correction is the theme of both verses So first look notice open correction compared to hidden so-called love now in my notes I had it in parentheses. There's a little sarcasm this so-called love we have open correction compared to hidden So-called love look back at verse 5 better is open rebuke then hidden Love here. We have an open rebuke compared to what seems like hidden resentment or a grudge Scholars say that this this phrase this last phrase can be difficult to understand some scholars say this this distant Verse 5 this hidden love indicates that there's some kind of resentment.

There's some kind of grudge that maybe Creates the distance but it seems to be misguided affection It seems to be some type of an affection that is at a distance But it ignores the fault in a friend It seems their affection does not do the friend any good because they will not speak to the friend face to face About the problem you see so Solomon he says that an open rebuke or correction from a friend is good and it is better than a hidden love or Affection that will not offer correction or rebuke possibly because of jealousy Possibly there's some other type of sinful behavior or some reason that creates the distance So an open correction compared to a hidden So-called love I call it so called because there's not any personal interaction Then second this is out of verse 6 wounds from a friend Compared to kindness from an enemy see the comparison faithful of the wounds of a friend verse 6 profuse or the kisses of an enemy I Believe we can see that it's the same message in a way as verse 5 here We see the wounds of correction from a friend are compared to the affection of an enemy you see We see the pain Notice wounds that's pain.

We see the pain of correction from a friend It is much better than what seems to be kind loving affection from an enemy So Solomon he says painful words Yes painful words painful words from a friend are good and They are much better than what seems to be love and affection from an enemy from an enemy so in summary notice what we see here a friend a Friend that has the ability to give open correction even painful correction is good.

Let me say that again a friend that has the ability to give open correction even painful correction is good and Being the type of friend that type of friend that will give open correction even painful correction is good receiving it and giving it but in comparison a So-called friend that will not offer the correction we need Does no good and the seeming kindness and affection and love of an enemy is worse And we can't be that kind of friend either. We're gonna come back to that enemy in a moment now some examples that'll help us here What kind of friend was Judas? What kind of friend was Judas? Judas betrayed Jesus did he not?

Remember he betrayed Jesus was that with a kiss. He was one of the trusted the disciples He was so trusted that he kept the money back. He was the treasurer I've often said this Nobody had a clue he was stealing money Because Peter remember how bold Peter was if Peter would have thought Judas was stealing money What would Peter have done remember they came to arrest Jesus in the garden and Peter cut the guys ear off So Judas who looked apart talked apart he betrayed Jesus But think about this he betrayed those disciples too. So what kind of friend was Judas?

But let me turn it around what kind of friend was Paul and Peter What what kind of friend was Paul to Peter in Barnabas in Galatians chapter 1 and 2 do you know that story? We won't turn there because of time but remember you had the Jew Gentile issue Okay, and what happened was God showed the church. There was no difference between Jew and Gentile None of that stuff mattered anymore, but what happens Peter?

He's there in the church at Galatia and he starts behaving differently with the Gentiles when the Jews come He withdraws from the Gentiles and starts acting more Jewish Well, guess what happens? guess what happened Paul comes and rebukes Peter openly and Barnabas and Barnabas was called the son of encouragement and he was one that always encouraged.

He was led astray So Peter is in a sin leading Barnabas astray sinning in the Galatian church against the Jewish the Gentile Christians Becoming prideful and puffed up with the Jews looking down on the Gentiles and what happens Paul comes along and rebukes him the text says to his face He exemplified these verses and Judas was that enemy remember the kiss of the enemy So an application we need to see that this goes two ways here Now I'm gonna give you a phrase This is an application, you know to have a friend you got to be a friend You know those people that really struggle with friends.

Sometimes they don't have a friend because they're really not a friend To have a friend you got to be a friend and I'll say to people if you don't have friends maybe check how you are So - it goes two ways Friendships takes two and we see that here. We have the friend correcting the friend and then also Receiving the correction from the friend you see it goes both ways and then second a necessary Quality in true Christian friendship is giving the open correction Even if that correction is painful. I love you brother.

I love you sister, but You see And also it takes receiving it so it goes both ways you see Now a question before we move on What do we do when we're betrayed by that seeming loving friend? Many times the enemy the one that hurts the most is the one that is close enough to kiss us on the cheek. So speak That's really hard What did we learn Sunday morning? What have we been learning about loving our enemies? What have we learned to be attitudes?

We can't hate I mean, we've got to forgive even the quote-unquote enemy And if we're honest, we will probably see that we've done that as well So first the correction of a friend So if you boil it all down one of the characteristics one of the qualities we need is We need to be able to correct a friend and then receive correction from a friend Number two, this is out of verse 9 This is what I'm calling the closeness of a friend The closeness of A friend let's look at the verse Oil and perfume make the heart glad and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest Council now we see some strange language here.

I know I mean, what does this oil and perfume mean? What does it mean when it says oil and perfume make the heart glad? You know there are lots of cultural things that we see in scripture that we just don't understand and then when we Understand them then we can begin to see okay I get to teach you and a lot of this is cultural right here now in the land of Palestine the land at which Solomon lived in that day their climate was very dry and it was very very hot They experienced deserts when they traveled And in certain places they had very little rain So they lived in a dry hot arid climate and it took its toll on the body You ever lived somewhere like that or been somewhere like that, you know, we live in humid, Mississippi, isn't that right?

That's a different torture But it was tough on the body the feet the face and the hands and the eyes and so oil was used to soothe dry and parched by Skin the dry and parched body I think I thought about it like this a lot like water when we're thirsty were dry and were parched so oil was used In that type of setting also oil was used for medicinal purposes in the parable of the Good Samaritan We see the Samaritan He said the text says he was pouring oil and wine on the wounds of those that was beaten and almost at death So it was used in two ways This brought back an experience that I had years and years ago before God called me in the ministry I used to deer hunt with a group of guys that I went to church with and We we deer hunted with a good group of Christian guys and we could do those things in a godly way I never forget.

It was a guy that came to faith in Christ One of the things he said after he came to faith in Christ is he says I enjoyed going deer hunting with those guys They were Christians at the deer camp But we deer hunter with a guy named Sean and he had this medical condition. He had unbelievable dry skin And we used to give him a hard time. He was always carrying around lotion And he's like, you know, is that your mother's lotion? Is that your wife's lotion?

I mean, you know, it was lotion and he didn't care if it was men's lotion or women's lotion I mean, he would look like an alligator in just a minute Well, that's a lot what we're talking about here. You see Now there's another cultural item here the perfume They use perfumes and incense in worship They also use perfumes to anoint special guests in their homes and for fragrances in their homes Remember the story in the New Testament of Mary the sister of Lazarus She anointed Jesus with a very expensive perfume.

You see that in John chapter 11 She poured it on his feet and and and wiped his feet with her hair and her in the house was filled with the fragrance So whether in worship or anointing a special guest who was traveling or simply being used in the home The perfume was used as a sweet smelling fragrance We have perfumes I Promise you my girls have perfumes and oh they'll go in their room and they'll bathe in that stuff and come through the house And whether you like it or not, it just fills the house. Isn't that right? Well, what's the lesson here?

Just as oil and perfume make the heart glad a Close friend who gives good counsel is good and pleasant to the heart You see just as oil and perfume the text says makes the heart glad it fulfills a purpose a Close friend who gives good counsel is good and pleasant to the heart one commentator writer I was reading today Simplified it this way by saying happy is the man who has a friend of this character Happy is the man or the woman who has a friend of this character I'll add to that happy is the man or the woman who has a friend who is like this in verse 9 and then also Like this in verse 5 and 6 even the correction You see Now an application some questions.

Do you have a friend like this and are you a friend like this? Do you have a friend that do you have a friend that that is gives good counsel? And is so pleasant and loving and you love them so much that they are pleasant to your heart Are you a friend that you bring great great pleasure to another person's heart? When a friend is dry and parched and wounded from life When a friend is dry and parched and wounded from life when a friend is dirty from sin and pain Do you soothe and heal their wounds? Are you a sweet aroma to pain and hurt in their life?

Do you have the that quality in you so as to give it to others you see and Do you have these characteristics are these qualities in you and you giving them to others? Do you have those in your life like this and are you counted as one like this? Remember it goes both ways So we see the closeness of a friend. I want to go back to that verse Notice the closeness oil and perfume make the heart glad Make the heart glad that's close isn't it and the sweetness of a friend.

See how close that is and then number three number three the commitment of a friend verse 10 The commitment of a friend do not forsake your friend and your father's friend and do not go to your Brother's house in the day of your calamity better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away So notice what we're seeing We see the correction of a friend The closeness of a friend now the commitment of a friend now There are a few details that I want us to see here really - First we should not forsake true friends nor the friends of our fathers Now that might strike some of you funny we should not forsake true friends nor the friends of The father do not forsake your friend and your father's friend Simply we should be committed to our true friends and the friends of our father the friends of our family Those close personal friendships and friends of the family who have proved themselves as faithful Should be valued in life and kept near in life a couple of biblical examples.

You might not be as familiar with these Solomon who wrote these? Remember Solomon was the second the third King remember it was Saul then David and then Solomon Solomon's father was David Solomon kept his father's friend Hiram and as a valued friend But then Solomon had a son named Rhea Boa Solomon's son Rhea Boa neglected the good counsel of Solomon's friends and Solomon's counselors Solomon sought counsel from new unproven friends and counselors and it cost the nation of Israel See it's just fleshed out right there Solomon kept his father's counselors close But yet Rhea Boa did not so the lesson is this do not forsake Faithful friends when that new friend comes along don't forsake the faithful friend and don't forsake the faithful friends of the family stay committed to faithful friends and faithful friends of the family then second We should seek counsel from a close neighbor rather than a far away Brother we see that at the end of verse 10 do not and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your Calamity simply we should be committed to the friend over even family when we face calamity The neighbor of the friend who is a true Christian friend is more valuable in calamity Than a brother that is far off.

It doesn't necessarily speak to geography They might be close geographically, but yet they're not close in the faith you see Here's a great example Remember the great relationship King David had with Jonathan Jonathan was Saul's son Remember Saul didn't really like David because God took his hand off Saul and God anointed David as the king Saul tried to kill David many times But David and Jonathan had a very unique friendship Jonathan had a better friend than David who was not blood related than his own father Who was even the king you see?

So the lesson is a close friend a true friend is better Than a blood relative who is not a true Christian friend So in summary verse 10 is all about the commitment to a friend the commitment of a friend Solomon is saying stay committed to the faithful friend the faithful friend of the family and in distress and calamity stay committed to the faithful Friend even over that distant blood relative You know in pastoral ministry you counsel You counsel folks you help folks You help brothers and sisters who are going through difficulties and it's not always difficulty So lots of times I get positive phone calls and have positive meanings and I love them all because this is what God Has called me to do But but every now and then I have to counsel someone whether it be a man or a woman and I counsel women with my wife But every now and then I have to counsel people and they're having to seek advice above and beyond and around family And that can be a great hurdle that can be a great obstacle and That could be a great hindrance sometimes to people spiritual growth They just can't get past maybe their mother or father or siblings that they love and they're not Christian And they have a bearing on their life and it's not good It's not healthy, but then when that Christian can get to the place where they will be Committed to the faithful friend the brother and sister in Christ the mentor that can help them Even around their own mother and father they can take that giant step in their spiritual maturity I'll never forget years ago.

I had a Strong Christian young man. He was getting married and he called me and was talking about marriage and and some things pertaining to marriage and finances and paying off debt and Buying a house and we talked about a lot of things and I just said look you're looking at getting married in X amount of time You're gonna want to buy a house an X amount of time your your wife's gonna want to have a baby I said it to him like this.

I said After a period of time one day your wife will come in the door and she'll have a different countenance She'll just talk funny and act funny and look funny and you won't know what it is and out of her mouth will come These words I want a baby And then I think later he called me and said it's happened But I gave him all kinds of advice about marriage and job and career and dad and all of those things And he was literally telling me I can't go to my father. I can't go to my mother.

I can't go to my brother I Wasn't even his pastor You see that's just fleshed out Right out of these verses and we've all many of us have had to deal with that now a few questions Are you faithful to faithful friends? even faithful friends That might not be family Are You that type of friend? Listen, are you that type of friend that someone can come to you when they have to go around? Family and this is a quality we must have and we must look to For true Christian Friends and I'll tell you a good one for you to study is Jonathan and David I mean that is a good one for you to study So what what have we looked at the correction of a friend?

Oh that wound. I mean they might cut you off at the knees The closeness of a friend when you have that close friend I'm telling you it is sweet and it is beautiful and then that commitment of a friend and we have to be committed to that type of friend now As I close I want to make some application in certain areas of life Okay, this is real practical and I think you'll be able to follow me really well I want to show you two areas of life where we must have these kinds of friendships First of all just in your personal life. I mean just in your personal life Some of you might have friends outside of church.

I know some who are older Christians They've lived a little longer. Maybe they've moved and they've been involved in other churches They might have friends outside of this city and outside of where they live and this church and they have old friends that are just Like this I do I have a circle of friends that don't live here They're in the ministry and I call them they call me They don't even live around here.

So we need these kind of friends just in our life But we also must have these friendships in our church as a church grows as a church matures these kinds of friendships begin to be forged They begin to come together God puts them together and then over time they grow closer Listen, this takes time. It takes work and it takes effort Sometimes when you have a friend and you live in the same town with them and you go to church with them It takes work because they see your warts, too You see their warts and So we must have these kind of friendships in our church with men with women And I firmly believe you can foster these kinds of friendships and our children and teenagers You can we should you see And I think we must make some careful evaluation here This might sneak up on some of you first to see if we possess these qualities in our lives Listen, we might be distant from people We might stay at an arm's length away.

We might be selfish We might be fearful Maybe we were burned. Remember the enemy that can kiss you on the cheek There's a whole lot of reasons. I know people that say well, I'm just a loner That's just my personality or you don't know what I've been through We have to get past all that we must possess these kind of qualities In our life and in our friendships and then second we need to see if we have friends like this in our life one of the biggest struggles that sometimes Christians can have is distancing themselves from the unhealthy friendships and finding those that they Need and then third to see if we are developing these types of friendships in our Church that's one reason why small group ministry is so important and then beyond small group ministry This is what happens Naturally as you develop in your small group ministry and we develop in our small group ministry and we get to know one another You'll start seeing people not clicks now develop friendships Connections in life and then it must lead to spiritual accountability.

Just those things that happen spiritually organically. I Give you a little story a little example Most of you know we partner with a group of churches anchored in truth that missions arm of Grace Life Church of Muscle Shoals, Alabama and Grace Life Church of Muscle Shoals. They're a rather large church. I think on a Sunday morning They run eight eight hundred and fifty in worship.

I Have known people that have gone to visit there and they realize it was that big They have quite a bit of people in small group ministry Sunday school ministry I mean if they have eight hundred and fifty there on a Sunday morning, they'll have eight hundred and Sunday school but one of the things that the small group minister told me was they have hundreds of accountability groups they're just naturally flow out of small group ministry and In all throughout the week people have come to church and they all go meet and pray and study together What is that? It's Christian friendship?

And we must have this in the life of our church now it takes time it takes work takes disappointments It really does I Think about the lady in Natchez I couldn't change it so sad Wasn't a Christian I talked to her about spiritual things Didn't have a Bible I Told her I'd be glad to bring her a Bible. I Told her I said look I'm on the clock here. I'm getting paid to be here. I said I'll drive back over here. I Said it's Christmas Said she didn't believe in God declared to be an atheist. I Asked her if she wanted a Bible. She said yes.

I Said I tell you what I'll come over here off the clock See the lady I worked for the lady who was my boss was a Christian. She said you're free to do those things And I said me and my wife will come over here and visit you and I had it in my mind We would bring you know some nice gifts and those kind of things just simple things bring her a Bible And I'd speak more to her about spiritual things But you know the sad thing is a couple days later. I got a call from that one distant family member And I kind of got chewed out. We don't believe in those things.

She doesn't want your Bible don't come back Ultimately we lost that client Because of that But you know what the lady off my boss, you know what she said. No you did your job Sad often wonder how she died Many reasons that make that sad but one of it one of the reasons was no friends No friends. I'll say this if you have these kind of friends and you can be this kind of friend to those friends You're very rich person Very rich person and we need this in the life of our church.

I need it you need it So let's pray and let's see if we can develop these kinds of characteristics And I'd sure love to see some of you study this a little more and maybe come back in a few weeks and say you Know what you missed a few you didn't look at this and you didn't look at that. Yeah. Hey, that's good stuff Let me pray over this and then we'll look at a couple of pernies and we'll dismiss. Let me pray