The Responsibilities of Children and Parents

Well please take your Bible and turn back with me to Ephesians chapter 6. We did read quite a few verses earlier, but I did say that we're going to divide verses 1 to 3 so you can just keep your attention to those verses. I will mention the other verses that we have been studying that have to do with the family. Now it sure has been a while since we have been in our study in Ephesians. On June the 4th we finished up this section on wives and husbands and our roles and responsibilities within the Christian marriage. Now think back with me to the title of the series of our study here in Ephesians.

I have said that the book of Ephesians is all about the believers riches in Christ. The believers riches in Christ. Now look how accurate that series title is. All that we have studied about wives and husbands and our roles and responsibilities within the Christian marriage has truly been rich, very rich. Now church listen to your pastor here. Don't be poor in your marriage. Don't have poverty in your home. Now I'm not talking about money and possessions. Some of you here, you have areas of poverty in your marriage. Some of you need to see and admit that you have great poverty in your marriage.

And that is because your marriage does not look like what we see in verse 21 and verses 22 on down to verse 33. And if you are not living up to what we see in those verses, I call you to work to understand and obey the teaching that we have in all of those verses. We had five messages that I firmly believe spoke to your needs and will speak to your needs. If you will go and do the hard work of making sure that you understand that teaching and apply it to your life.

And as pastor of Grace Life Church, Brooke Avon, I feel so strong about the need for biblical marriages within our church that I worked it into our small group rotation to study these verses in a 12 week study starting in August. And I'll talk more about our study at the end of the service. Now this morning we're transitioning into some new teaching, but we'll still be dealing with the home and home life. We have before us instructions that have to do with children and the role and responsibilities children towards their parents. And look at how good this is church. Verses 21 to 33 are the total package of instructions for the Christian home.

If Paul starts with the wives, then he moves to the husbands, we know that. And last he deals with the children. But before we get into this teaching on children, we must remember that we are still dealing with the subject of submission. We learned in verses 22 to 24 that wives are to be submissive to their husband. But we studied verse 21 and verses 25 to 33 and we learned this great principle of mutual submission and how that related to the marriage relationship. Well here in chapter 6 verses 1 to 3 we will learn that children are to be submissive to their parents by obeying them and all things.

But in verse 4 we will see this great principle of mutual submission applies to parents as well. So this morning we are continuing with these verses that have to do with the Christian home and relationships within the home and we will examine the responsibilities that children have to their parents. So that leads me to the title of the message, the responsibilities of children and parents. The responsibilities of children and parents. But before we get into the verses, we need to see some foundational facts about the home and about children.

But we must understand, we must understand and we must accept the fact that the family was and is ordained by God. We saw this in our study, our last small group study when we were in Genesis chapter 1 to chapter 11. God designed and gave the family. God first created Adam in his own image and then when he saw that Adam was incomplete because nothing in all of the creation corresponded to him, God gave him a wife and we know that was Eve. And Eve was a perfect wife for Adam in two ways. She corresponded to him unlike any of the other animals and she was a helper suitable for him.

And God gave Adam and Eve a home, that would be the garden of Eden. God also gave Adam and Eve many jobs or many responsibilities. God called Adam to work and to keep the garden. We see that in Genesis 1.15. God gave Adam the job of naming the animals that he had created. We see that in Genesis 1.19 and 20. And God called Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. He actually called them to fill the earth. Genesis 1.27-28 is a great summary of these things. Listen to the verses. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God he created him, male and female. That would be Adam and Eve. He created them.

Verse 28, "And God blessed them and God said to them, 'That would be Adam and Eve, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.'" So look at what we have here in Genesis 1.2. God created man, male and female. And it was God that performed that first marriage ceremony there in the garden. And God gave them a home. That was the garden. God gave them jobs and responsibilities. He even established the marriage roles and responsibilities. And God called them to be fruitful.

In our language God said, "Have a lot of babies and fill up the earth." In today's language God said, "Have a bunch of babies and fill up the church house, fill up the nursery with kids and babies." And Luke Church, a denial of that fact that God gave and designed the family. Any alteration of God's design, those lies are straight from the sewer of hell. Those lies are from the father of all lies and that would be Satan. Let me speak about one lie. The lie that marriage is a human construct. The lie that marriage is a human construct so we can conveniently change it to meet our needs and meet the times.

I'll tell you about a bucket full of lies. This idea that homosexuals can get married. You know that offends me as a man married to a woman, a part of God's design when two men or two women say that they can be married. That's a farce. Do not ever use that language again. They're hijacking God's design. But then when they carry it one step further and say that they can be a family. And they somehow, some way can have children and call it a family. That's a bucket full of lies. And look church, we have to be reminded of these facts from time to time.

That is because Satan and this evil world system is relentlessly, continuously attacking the fact that God ordained and designed the home. And then second, we must understand and accept the fact that children are a blessing from God. Children are a blessing from God. And we see this fact going back in the Genesis again.

When Eve had her first son Cain, she said in Genesis 4.1, "I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord." And later in verse 25, when Eve had another son Seth, she said, "God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel for Cain killed him." And when we continue into the Psalms, we see more clearly that children are truly a blessing from God.

Psalm 127 verse 3 says, "Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." The New American says it a little different, "Behold children are a gift from God." And this word heritage from the English Standard Version, this word gift from the New American Standard, it simply means a reward, a gift or an inheritance. This means that children are truly a gift and a blessing from God given to the home. Of course we understand that this blessing depends on the providence of God. Some families are not blessed with the gift of biological children.

Even when wives and husbands desperately want those children, as tough as that is, we have to understand that that is a part of God's providence for them. That is a part of God's good and perfect will for them, Romans 12 verse 2. And look church, any denial of the fact that children are a gift and a blessing from God, that lie comes straight from the life factory in hell. That lie comes straight from the father of all lives, that's Satan. I'll give you one lie right here, the lie that babies, children are too expensive and we can't afford them.

Look back at your grandparents and how much money they made and how they lived and how many children they have. Look back at your great grandparents and what kind of jobs they had and how much money they made and how many children they had. We can afford what we want to afford. And one lie, a whole host of lies is having babies will harm the environment. You know, you hear this kind of phrase, phraseology, this kind of language. You know Mother Earth can't handle any more people. First of all, that phrase Mother Earth is an insult to God. There's no such thing as a Mother Earth. But what does the scripture say?

God said, "Feel the earth, multiply, fill it up so more people cannot destroy the earth." This is how men deal with the creation. And as a matter of fact, men and mankind cannot destroy the earth. They can mar it, but they can't destroy it. And look church, we have to be reminded of these facts from time to time and that is because Satan and this evil world system is constantly, relentlessly attacking the fact that children are a gift from God and they are a blessing to the home. Now with those foundational, undeniable facts and truths laid out there, that would be the family was and is ordained by God and children are a blessing from God.

Now let's turn our attention to the responsibilities that children have to parents and parents to children. Let's read the three verses again. Paul says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." Now here we have a few things that can be missed in the verses. We have a few things that are understood, that are implied in the verses. Paul is writing to a church and he is giving specific instructions to children.

So it is implied that the children were in their gatherings or their worship services. And although it is not said here, it is understood that the parents would accept this teaching and then further explain it to their children. Notice that Paul is not telling the children to teach their parents. It is not the children's place to teach their parents. Also he was not telling the parents to teach their children. God through Paul was teaching their children. The parents were to simply accept this instruction to their children and it was up to them to explain these things and to enforce these things. But notice the major command in the verses.

It's easy to see. God says, "Children obey your parents." And no matter what translation you have, you will see this word obey. And this word simply means to listen to instruction attentively so as to submit to that instruction. It means to respond in a positive way to that instruction by following those instructions. So here we have the main command in Paul's teaching here. Paul calls younger and older children, those would have been all who were under the authority in the care of their parents. He calls those children to obey their parents.

He calls them to listen attentively to their parents and to submit to their instructions by being obedient. And we also see how Paul calls children to obey their parents. Complaining while obeying? Is that what he's saying? Talking back and arguing while obeying? Greeting their teeth and being red faced while they are obeying? Is that what he's saying? Paul says that children should obey their parents in the Lord. And this is very important to understand here. This speaks of the manner in which children should obey their parents. Paul is saying that they should obey their parents for the Lord and for the sake of the Lord.

I'll give you a good example that will help you here. College football. You might say, "Pastor, college football?" College football is right around the corner, isn't that right? Some of you are so excited you can't stand it. I was reminded of that fact this week when I had my radio in my truck. I had it on some talk radio. And I noticed that those guys who were on the talk show about college football, they were changing the way they were approaching the subject. Why? Because for them it's right around the corner. But think about it. A young man who was on a college football team, he obeys instructions. He obeys the team rules.

And he fulfills all of his responsibilities. Why? For the sake of his school, for the sake of his team, and also for the sake of his coach. And children should obey their parents for their parents, for the Lord, and for the sake of the Lord. John MacArthur really captures what obedience in the Lord and for the Lord looks like. He says, and I'm quoting, "Children obey their parents as reflective of their obedience to the Lord." Let me say that again. Children obey their parents as reflective of their obedience to the Lord.

And he continues, "Parents stand in the gout," so to speak, "between their children and God while the children are too young to have a full and mature relationship with Him themselves." Parents are God's stewards. His proxy authority for their children who are simply loaned to them in trust by their own Heavenly Father. That is why children are commanded, "Be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord." Colossians 3, verse 20. So children, listen to your pastor.

If you live under the authority of your parents, if you're 18 or 19, if you're 9 or 10, if you're 5 or 6, if you live under the authority of your parents, you are called of God to obey your parents in the Lord and for the sake of the Lord. Again, Colossians 3, 20 says the same thing but a little different. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Now a question for us to ponder here. Both parents and children. Parents, what happens when your children do not obey you? Children, what happens when you do not obey your parents? First and foremost, this is a sin against God.

Romans 13, 1 says that all authority has been established by God and when a child or a teenager refuses to obey their parents, when they are disobedient to their parents, they are clearly sinning against God. Children, teenager, do you realize that when you do not obey your parents, when you disobey them, do you realize that you are sinning against God? And parents, are you allowing and even helping your child or teenager be disobedient? Let me say that again. Are you allowing and even helping your child or teenager be disobedient? When you do not call your children and teenagers to obey you, you are allowing them to disobey God.

Dads, when you just don't want to deal with the kids, you are helping your children or teenager disobey God. Dads, when you pass off the kids to your wife who does not have the ability to be a father, you are helping your children disobey and live in disobedience. And then second, this is a sin against parents. Romans 13, 1 again, it says that all authority has been established by God and God gave governing authority in the home first to the man, that's the husband, the father, and then second to the woman, that's the wife and the mother. So clearly Paul is saying that authority in the home has been given to the parents by God.

And when a child or a teenager refuses to obey their parents and when they are disobedient to their parents, they are next sinning against their parents. Children, teenager, do you realize that when you do not obey your parents and when you disobey your parents that you are sinning directly against them and parents, if you allow your child, if you allow your teenager to be disobedient, do you realize that you are enabling them to actually sin against you? And then third, this is a sin against God's created order and design. God gave the family. God designed the family. I emphasized and exalted those facts earlier.

Well, if God said that children are to obey their parents, then anything less is a sin against God and God's design, God's plan. And disobedience is a sin against the way God created the family to be. Now I want to continue to examine and apply this command by giving us five reasons why this command is important. Now I ran across these five reasons in some material by Albert Barnes, but throughout the week I altered it, I added some things, I changed some things, and there's some other influences here. So it's a little bit of Barnes, a little bit of me, and a little bit of other people.

But children obeying their parents is important because first, the good of the family. The peace, order, and health of the family depends on children obeying their parents. When one or more children or teenagers are disobedient to their parents, the peace, the order, and the health of the family is jeopardized and it can even be damaged. And sometimes it can be damaged permanently. Do you see that, folks? Damaged permanently. Children obeying their parents is important because second, the good of the child or teenager depends on it. The future of the child depends on obedience to all authority and that starts in the home.

A child or a teenager that is continuously disobedient grows up to be disobedient with other forms of authority. I'll give you a few examples. Authority in school or in college. Authority with a boss one day. Authority with police and law enforcement. A girl that grows up continuously being disobedient to the authority of her father will struggle to submit to the authority of a husband as well as other forms of authority. And then children obeying their parents is important because third, a child and a teenager is not capable in life yet. Basically a child or a teenager is not an experienced mature adult.

So they do not have the ability to make many life decisions. Therefore they need to submit to and obey their parents. Again, Colossians 3.20 says that they should obey their parents in a few things, no in all things. And children and obeying, children obeying their parents is important because fourth, parents by age and experience should have the ability to lead their children. Children and teenagers are not experienced mature adults so they need guidance, oversight. And this should come from parents who possess wisdom and experience so they have the ability to lead their children.

Sadly, many parents do not have the ability to lead their children. We have a great void of spiritually mature and experienced parents today. And children obeying their parents is important because fifth, family government should be an imitation of the government of God. Simply and I'm quoting Barnes here word for word, no child that is disobedient to a parent will be obedient to God. Let me say that again. No child that is disobedient to a parent will be obedient to God. And I will add to that by saying a child that is obedient to their parents will have a much easier time obeying God.

But there's one key to the whole thing, being converted to Christ. I'm going to talk more about that next week. So children, look at your pastor and listen to him. Obey your parents in the Lord for the sake of the Lord in all things. And parents, listen to your pastor lead and guide your children in the Lord and for the sake of the Lord and parents, if you struggle in leading your children, find older parents that can help you and you find those older parents in the life of the church. You need them far more than you know. Now at this time, I want to finally look at the rest of the verses.

This will be the rest of verse 1 on down to verse 3 because we've only really covered the first part of verse 1. So let's go back and read the verses. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord." And here's the new section of scripture. "For this is right, honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in Milan." Now here I want us to see that Paul gives three reasons why children should obey their parents in all things. First obedience is right. It's right there at the second part of verse 1. Obedience is right. Here Paul plainly says that obedience is right.

And this can be seen in the spiritual as well as the practical. Spiritually speaking, it is right that children obey their parents because God says so. Spiritually speaking, it is right that children obey their parents because after we understand all of these things pertaining to the family, it just makes sense. It is spiritual common sense that children obey their parents. It is spiritual common sense that parents expect their children to obey them. Isn't that right? Now moms and dads, dads and moms, listen to your pastor here.

I believe that if you are a parent and you lack the practical common sense to lead and guide your children and teenagers to obey you in the Lord just because it is right, that is reflective of greater spiritual problems. Let that sink in. As a parent, if you lack the practical common sense to lead your children and teenagers to obey you simply because it is the right thing to do, you have greater spiritual problems and you need a lot of spiritual counseling here. So children being obedient to their parents is just right. It is spiritual common sense. Second, obedience is biblical. We see this in verse 2.

Here Paul quotes the Old Testament specifically the fifth commandment. Some of you know that which is seen in Exodus 20 verse 12 in Deuteronomy 5 16. Notice that Paul applies the Old Testament commandment to the New Testament believer. What was the commandment? Simply honor your parents which is much more than simple obedience. You see to honor means to respect. To honor means to esteem. To honor means to love and to honor means to obey. Now a question for you teenagers and children here. Do you respect, esteem and love your parents? Do you respect? Do you esteem and love your parents?

Do you obey them because you respect and because you esteem and love them? Now mothers I'm going to speak straight to you. Your children and teenagers will not obey their father out of respect, esteem and love if you do not submit to their father out of respect, esteem and love for him. One of the surest ways to teach children to disobey in the home is to have a wife that does not submit to her husband out of respect, out of esteem, out of love. And if she disrespects her husband, if she does not esteem him in love, that's like throwing gas on the fire folks.

And fathers, your children and teenagers will not obey their mother out of respect and esteem and love if you do not love their mother like Christ loved the church. If you do not submit to her in that mutual submission as your help mate and as your helper, they will not respect and esteem and love her. I love how Warren Wiersby summarizes these things. He says and I'm quoting, "It is just as wrong for the New Testament Christian to dishonor their parents as it was for the Old Testament Jews." Does anybody here know what happened to children and teenagers when they disrespected their parents in the Old Testament?

They didn't live to do it another day. So children being obedient to their parents is biblical, both Old and New Testament. And then third, obedience brings a blessing. We see this in verse 3. Here Paul is continuing with this quotation of the Fifth Commandment, but he did not quote the last part of the commandment that speaks about Israel and the land that God had given to his people. And what Paul was doing here is rather simple. The commandment that originally was a specific promise and assurance to the Jewish people, Paul took that and he generalized that for New Testament Christians. Simply Paul was giving a principle.

He was saying that when children and teenagers obey their parents in the Lord, they certainly will keep away from many sins and bad decisions in life. And the result would be a better life. The result would be a more spiritual life, a more spiritually prosperous life. Anybody heard the law of reaping and sowing? That's what you see here. And look at how this applies to teenagers. Our culture applauds and encourages and glorifies rebellion. Teenagers listen to you pastor. Our culture glorifies rebellion. Rebellion against parents and authority is seen as a mark of excellence.

But actually rebellion against parents leads to a whole host of sins and bad decisions in life. And all of those things eat away at the quality of life in many cases. And in many cases it actually shortens and destroys life. And those of us who have lived a little while can look and see and give you examples of how this truly happens. So children being obedient to their parents brings a blessing in life. And in summary, what we have here is really easy to see. Paul gives this great command. Children obey your parents in the Lord and for the sake of the Lord and grabbing what Colossians 3.20 says in all things.

And then he gives three great reasons why this command is good. It is right. I call it spiritual common sense. It is biblical both old and new and it brings blessing, spiritual and physical blessing. But before I close I have a few direct questions that I want to ask. Rhetorical questions. Really the spirit will drive these things home to you. Children and teenagers, how are you doing here? How are you doing? Are you obedient to your parents in all things? Are you obedient to your parents in all things? Ask unto the Lord for the sake of the Lord? If you are not, you are sinning against God.

You are sinning against your parents and you are sinning against God's design for the home. Three great sins. And parents, moms and dads, how are you doing here? See at first you thought that this sermon was strictly about children. No it's a lot about you. How are you doing here? Are you fostering disobedience in your child or in your teenager because you are in sin with your role and your responsibilities? You see how this all goes together? Look moms and dads, your dysfunctionalism could be what is breeding disobedience in your children or teenager. You hear that?

Your dysfunctionalism in the home could be what is breeding disobedience in your children. And if that's you, you probably need some pastoral counseling. You need some counseling from an able small group leader because sometimes when you're neck deep in these things, it's hard to get out without help. Now as I begin to close, I want to remind you of our two tests. Throughout all of this teaching with the home, with our roles and responsibilities, we are being tested in all of these teaching. Verse 21 is a test. Verses 22 to 33, that's a test. And starting here in these verses, verses 1 to 3 and next week verse 4, this is a test.

The Abraham test, when God tested Abraham by calling him to sacrifice his one and only son of promise, God was not testing Abraham to see what he would do. God already knew everything he would do. But Abraham did not know what Abraham was going to do. So God's test for Abraham was to reveal who he was and what he would be. Abraham had to determine who he would be and what he would be. And he had to determine to be obedient. He had to determine to be a man of God. And some of you are being tested in the matter of your home and home life. You have a choice and a series of choices to make. Will you obey this teaching?

Therefore determining to be a man of God or a woman of God, will you obey this teaching? Therefore proving that you will be a true and obedient Christian? Sometimes your obedience or disobedience here won't be seen for a few years. Remember our law of reaping and sowing? You see? What you sow today you will reap tomorrow and in five and ten years from now. Second, the trust and obey test. We know that comes out of a popular song. Trust and obey, there's no other way. We say we believe in the sufficiency and the authority of the Scriptures. We say we are people of the book. Baptists are notorious for that.

Well, we will either submit to the authority of God's Word in all of this teaching or we will not. And some of you are in a dilemma. If you submit to this teaching, it means repentance and change. Repentance and change. If not, it means more sin in the area of your responsibilities in the home. Children to parents, parents to children. And you know, for this kind of change to take place, it must be immediate. Oh, it might take you some time to straighten some of these things out, but you begin right now. So remember the title of the message. The responsibilities of children? No. The responsibilities of children and parents.

You see, it's both. And next week we will continue in verse four and we will deal more with us as parents. So let's pray. And as always, I want to commit these things to the Lord. Looking to the Holy Spirit of God to come and apply these things with our motivation to be the glory of God in the home. So let's pray.