The Role of Christian Wives

Amen. The worship was a blessing to me as always. I do want to say a thank you to Jared for filling in last week. I say often it is a blessing to know that when you leave the church, you know the church is in good hands. And I appreciate his message on Caleb. I listened to that this week and it ministered to me. I know my wife did as well. I know that anytime I leave and I come back there's always a message there for me to listen to and I know that the preaching and the teaching is ministered to you. Like I said at welcome, it was good to go to Grace Life Church of the Shoals and ministered of the men there, but it is good to be back home.

And I appreciate all the men and all the people that kind of held the fort down while I was away. Well let's take our Bible. Let's turn back to where we were earlier in Ephesians chapter 5. We're going to be in verses 22 to 24. Of course I'll mention some other verses. You can write those down and go back and study them on your own. Now this morning we're starting a new section of Scripture and this new section of Scripture begins right here in chapter 5 verse 22. And it goes all the way down to chapter 6 verse 9. You might need to note that. You might need to write that down and just note that that is a new portion of Scripture.

It all goes together. But we need to make sure that we see this new section. It is connected with the verses that we've just finished studying. That's why I read some of the verses that we've already covered earlier in our Scripture reading. From verses 18 to 21 we just finished three messages that dealt with the command to always be filled with or controlled by the Spirit of God in our lives. And we saw the results of living the Spirit filled to life. Now I would encourage you if you've not gotten those messages, those teachings, you need to go back and get that.

You need to understand and study and grasp all of the teaching that has to do with being filled with the Spirit. And I want us to think back to the results of living the Spirit controlled life. Remember there were four results. As a result of living the Spirit filled life, first we speak to one another with words of praise to God, worship of God, in promoting those things in one another. Next we have a heart that praises God and it is in tune with praises to God. And then third, we will always and in everything have a heart and a mouth that gives thanks to God. And then last, we will submit to one another. We see that in the verse.

We will submit to one another and that submission is motivated by a great love and a reverence for Christ. And before we jump into this new section of teaching, we need to understand that Paul carries the subject of submission over into three other areas of life. Paul teaches that there are three areas of life where submission is in fact the standard that God expects from his people. As a matter of fact, he commands it. First starting in verse 22, we read this earlier in our scripture reading, Paul teaches that Christian wives should submit to their husbands. That is his standard. That is his expectation.

Second, starting in chapter six verse one, Paul teaches that children should submit to their parents. That is God's standard. That is his expectation. And then third, starting in chapter six verse five, Paul teaches that Christian employees should submit to their employers. Obviously the teaching there is about slaves and servants and we're going to get to that. But that is God's standard. That is God's expectation. But before we continue, let me show you something that happens to us as individual Christians and as a church. When we study God's Word like we do, verse by verse, verse by verse, we don't leave anything out.

When we study verse by verse and we don't step around or step over any verses or any teaching, there are times when we are tested as individuals and as a church. There are times when we are tested and you have to understand the kind of test that I'm talking about. This is not the kind of a test to see what we know or what we do not know. You know, when we were in middle school or high school or college, we took a test to see what we knew or did not know. Isn't that right? We passed or failed or somewhere we were in between. But I'm talking of a test that is meant to reveal us for who we are and what we are.

This is the kind of a test where we determine who we will be and what we will be. Let me give you an example. This will help us. In Genesis 22, God tested Abraham when he called Abraham to sacrifice his one and only son of promise. That's Isaac. God was not testing him to see what he would do or what he wouldn't do. God was testing Abraham to reveal to Abraham what he would do and who he would be. You see, God already knew what Abraham was going to do. But Abraham did not know what Abraham was going to do. Isn't that right? And if Abraham reacted to his great test in obedience, he would determine to be an obedient servant of God.

That test would prove Abraham and if he obeyed it, that test would grow Abraham. Isn't that right? And what I want us to see is that what we are about to study in this portion of Scripture. This could be a big test. As a matter of fact, this could be several big tests for you. Just like with Abraham, the verses and the teaching that is before us will test and prove us. This will test and prove you for who you are and what you will be. If you study these scriptures, if we adjust our lives to these scriptures in this teaching, we will determine to be obedient believers.

And if we do not obey the scriptures and what's put before us here, we are determining to be disobedient. And our decisions will prove and reveal who we are. Our decisions will determine what we will be. So write it down. Keep this understanding. All throughout all of these verses in this new section is quite a bit. We will be tested all along the way. And if you get mad and storm out, I've seen that happen. If you get mad and storm out of the sanctuary and out of the church, well you have determined who you will be. And if you just ignore it, I've seen people do that, smile and act like everything's fine, but they just ignore it.

If you ignore it, ignore it. Well you've been tested and you have determined who you're going to be. You've determined you're going to be disobedient. If you say, "Well pastor, that's not the way I was raised. That's not the way I was taught when I was growing up. That's not the way it was in my family." Well you have determined who you're going to be. You've been tested and you've determined to be disobedient. But if you start to work and continue to work and obey all of these things, well you are passing the test. You're approving yourself to be an obedient Christian. I think you see that.

Now in our message this morning, we will be studying verses 22 to 24. And in these verses we will be examining the role or the standard for the Christian wife. And notice something I said. We will be examining the role singular. We will be studying the standard singular. Of course we do know that there are many roles for the Christian wife. A good Christian wife, we can say it like this, wears many hats. A good Christian wife does many, many themes. But here Paul is singling out one role. Here Paul is singling out one role or one standard. And the standard is this. Wives are to be submissive to their husbands.

Well that leads us to the title of the message. I call this the role of Christian wives. I call this, or title this sermon, the role of Christian wives. Now here we're going to look at three things from the verses. We've read them earlier. We'll read them throughout the message. First the standard of submission. We see that in verse 22. Next the reason for this submission. That's in verse 23. And then third the model for this submission. And that is in verse 24. Again, it'll be easy for you to follow me. So number one, I want us to look at the standard of submission. We see this in verse 22. Go back to the verse.

I'm going to read just the first portion of the verse. Paul says, wives submit to your own husbands. Let's pause there. Now I've read from the English standard version, but notice the new American, it reads a little different. The English standard says, wives submit to your own husbands. The new American says, wives be subject to your own husbands. Now right away we need to ask what this means. What does this word submit? What does that mean? What does it mean to be subject to? What does it mean? Well the meaning of the word is simple. It means to place oneself under another. It means to be under another and to be obedient to another.

This even means to give up one's rights. Simply Paul is saying that Christian wives are to place themselves under their husbands, even giving up their rights and even being obedient to them. And then there's another layer to this. Language scholars tell us that this verb here submit. It is in what's called the middle voice which emphasizes that this is a voluntary submission. Yes, this is a command, but the one being commanded to be submissive, notice they are willingly, voluntarily doing this submission.

So Paul is saying that Christian wives are to voluntarily, willingly place themselves under their husbands, even giving up some of their rights, even being obedient to them. Now go back and listen or let me go back and read verse, the verse in the new American standard. Wives be subject to your own husbands. But I want us to notice three specifics here that shed a lot of light on this standard. Three specifics that'll help us. Notice this is for all Christian wives. There are no exceptions given in the verse. So this is for all Christian wives. Notice Paul does not preface this in any way. There are no exemptions.

This means that wives are to submit to their own husbands no matter her spiritual giftedness or her spiritual maturity. No matter her experience in life or even her social standing in life. She is to submit to her own husband no matter her intelligence or her education. This also means that wives are to submit to their husbands no matter her husband's spiritual giftedness, spiritual maturity, experience, and standing in life. She is to submit to her husband no matter her husband's intelligence or education. So it's simple. Paul gives no exceptions in the command. And then notice also this is very personal. This command is definitely personal.

It's even possessive. It's even intimate. The verse says wives are to submit to who? The verse says their own husbands. I like what John McCrother says here. I'm quoting him. She, this is the Christian wife, willingly makes herself subject to the one she possesses as her own. Let me read that again. She willingly makes herself subject to the one she possesses as her own. And in his writing he cites 1 Corinthians 7, 3 to 4. Let me read that verse. Paul says the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights. And likewise the wife to her husband. Verse 4, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Of course in those verses that I just read, Paul is speaking of physical intimacy between a husband and a wife, but we can see in those verses that the husband and the wife possess one another. So it is simple here as well. This is very personal. This is possessive. Now right here is where some can have some really really big questions. I know some of you may be even pushing back from this. Some of you may be maybe just thinking about questions. But let me help you here. Don't push back.

I want to pose some questions here and I'm trying to keep you from pushing back or questioning. Is Paul teaching that Christian wives are to be some kind of domestic slaves or servants? Is Paul teaching that somehow Christian wives are to be some kind of domestic slaves or servants? No, that's not the case. Look, Christian wives are not some sort of servant or slave. We will see that the wife is not even commanded to submit to and obey. Her husband as children are to submit to their parents and obey their parents and even as slaves to their masters. This submission of a wife to her husband is much much different. It's one of a kind.

And those who take this verse and they use it as some kind of a so-called godly reason to treat their wife as some subservient second class Christian servant, they are violently, grossly abusing what this teaching is. You know there's some men they have what I call the Abraham complex. The Abraham complex. You know what the Abraham complex is? I've known men who abused this verse and they literally went home and made their wives call them Lord. Now Sarah called Abraham Lord. That's another sermon for another day. Was she subservient? No. Was she kind of a slave? Some kind of a slave? No. But that's another sermon for another day.

But if you go home and you make your wife call you Lord like little elf, you've got an Abraham complex. You just kind of want to be like Abraham. Really there's another word for it. You're probably being a jerk. But you know there's some other men, they're like Mr. Clean. You know who Mr. Clean is? The ball guy that sells cleaning products. Some of them are Mr. Clean. Those are the men who've gone home and they demand the wife just clean the house all the time. They're just demanding. Everything's got to be just so. The dishes got to be just so. The baseboards always have to be clean. All the windows have to be clean.

They come home from work. They demand that supper's on the table. The forks are just right. They get up from the table. They expect her to clean the table. You know they're just like Mr. Clean. Everything has to be picture perfect. There's another word for that too. But you know there's some other guys. They have what I call the short man complex. And this is how it comes out. They're the men who always want to talk down to their wife. You know they put her down to make them look taller. They put her down to make them look bigger. They put her down to just show her who she is and who he is. There's another word for that.

And then there's some. They just have the shut up and sit down complex. They don't want their wives to talk. They don't want their wives to have an opinion. They just have this attitude. You just shut up and sit down. Now we could expand on that list. What am I trying to show you? I'm trying to show you there are ways that people abuse this verse. This is not saying that Christian wives are some kind of a domestic slave or servant. But another question again I'm wanting us to think here. Is Paul saying that Christian wives are somehow second class Christians? No.

Christian wives are in no way second class or inferior Christians compared to their husbands. In fact Paul says in Galatians 3 28 there is not Greek and Jew circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, scintian, slave, free, but Christ is all and in all. This simply means that all Christians are the same. There are no superior or inferior Christians. There are no first class, second class, third class Christians. Listen the church is not like the Titanic. You know your history there. They had first class passengers, second class passengers, and third class passengers. But that's not the way the church is and the kingdom is.

Then the next question, the last question, is Paul saying that Christian wives and women are to be subject to all men? The answer to that is no. What did Paul teach us in the verse? Go back to the text. All Christian wives are to submit to their own husbands. This does not apply to all men. Listen, we're not like Muslims. You know Muslim women are here to submit to all men, but that's not the case. But then our our third observation. Notice this is unto the Lord. Here's where I want to go back and read the verse. Verse 22. Wives submit your own husbands. And what does it say? As to the Lord.

Now this part of the verse tells us the heart attitude that must drive these things. This tells us the manner in which these things must be obeyed. And in these verses Paul is saying that these things are to be obeyed. God's authority, his instructions are to be accepted and submitted to. Right? And just like with all obedience and all service to God, this should be done unto the Lord. The Christian wife should submit to her husband out of a love and a devotion to the Lord. And this is all for God's glory. I like what John MacArthur says here. He turns it around.

He says a wife who does not submit to her husband also does not submit to the Lord. Think about that. He says a wife who does not submit to her husband naturally does not submit unto the Lord. So it's simple here. A wife submits unto the Lord. She is to submit unto her husband. So look at what we have here in verse 22. Paul gives us God's standard in the role of the Christian wife. Without exception, she is to be in subjection to her own husband just as she is to her Lord. Now here's what we're going to do here.

We're going to have all the men this morning stand up one by one and give a detailed report on how their wives are submitting to them. I'd advise you men don't do that. You won't get lunch if you do that. You might need a lot of marriage counseling if you do that. Now jokes aside, I do want to ask us a few rhetorical questions here. Listen close now. Wives, how well are you doing in your submission to your husband? Does this teaching make you mad? Does this teaching offend you? Do you backpedal from this teaching? Wives, do you push back from this teaching saying something like this? You know this isn't the way it was.

This it wasn't like this in my home life. This isn't what I was taught. Wives, do you just reject this teaching? If you reject this teaching, you're in great danger. But I can't leave out the husbands. Husbands, are you a husband that your wife can easily submit to? Husbands, do you make it hard, even very hard for your wife to submit to you? Do you lead in the marriage? Do you lead in the home? Do you lead in life in such a way? And I mean all of the areas of life. Do you lead in such a way where your wife wants to submit to you? Husbands, are you a husband that abuses these verses in this teaching?

You know you might not have been on the list but you might abuse it if you're just doing nothing. And let me say this before we move on in our verses. We will not get the full weight of this teaching until we see that this verse and this teaching is all connected with the rest of the verses starting in verse 33 on down. So what what have we been looking at right here? We see God's standard for submission and I know we've taken quite a bit of time there. So number two, our next major truth, number two, the reason for this submission in verse 23, I want us to see the reason for this submission.

Now the reason for this submission is rather simple. The wife is to be in subjection to her husband because he is the head of the family and the head of the wife. But notice what Paul does here in the verse. We're going to read it in a moment. He makes a comparison between two relationships. He compares the husband and his leadership over his bride to Christ and his leadership, his headship over his bride and Christ's bride is what? Or who? The church. Let's look at verse 23 and notice the relationships. Notice the comparison. For the husband is ahead of the wife.

Even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself it's, that's the church, the church's Savior. And I want us to see that there are some similarities here but there are some differences here between the two relationships. First a few similarities and of course this is an incomplete list. Both the husband and Christ are the head of their bride. Both the husband and Christ are protectors and providers. Both the husband and Christ are nurturers and caregivers. Both love, sacrifice and serve their bride. Of course we could continue but the similarities are a lot.

There's a lot here and husbands we should be doing these things but the major difference is this. Christ Jesus gave himself up for his bride. That's the church. He lived and he died to redeem his bride. That's the church but the husband can never be the Savior of his wife in the same sense that Jesus is the Savior of his bride the church. A husband can provide, a husband can protect, a husband can love and care for his bride and he should. And if you're not doing so you're in sin. A husband can even sacrifice and die for his bride if the need arises and he should. We all should.

But the husband can never provide redemption and salvation for his bride. Only Christ can provide those things. But what is the point of looking at this comparison? What's the point? One reason is this. The comparison is meant to influence how we see marriage even our own marriage. Through Paul God is comparing our own marriage to his son's marriage to his bride. That is the church. And this comparison should cause us to see marriage and our marriage in the most honorable, holy and pure way. This comparison should cause us to see marriage even our own marriage as something of infinite worth and infinite value.

So look what we have here in verse 23. The reason for this submission is because God has ordained it to be this way. The husband is the head of the wife. The marriage and the home. He functions as the head of the wife. And God has ordained it that way. Just like God has ordained that Christ is the head of his bride. That is his church. Now for some practical but more serious application of what we see here. We must see that the wife that does not respond to the leadership and the headship of her husband reveals serious dysfunction and serious spiritual disease.

Yes, the wife that does not respond to the leadership and the headship of her husband reveals spiritual serious dysfunction, spiritual serious disease in her life. Let me prove it to you by another comparison. A physical body that does not respond to the leadership of its head. It's sick, it's diseased, it's crippled, paralyzed, maybe dead. Think about it. We know our biology. A body, a physical body, maybe a little boy or a little girl, maybe an adult man or an adult woman, maybe even an old person.

If their physical body does not respond to the leadership of their head, well they're sick, they're diseased, they're crippled, they're paralyzed, maybe dead. And some of you wives, you are sick, diseased, crippled, and maybe spiritually paralyzed all because you do not or will not respond to the headship and the leadership of your husband. But you husbands, us husbands, are you spiritually healthy? Do you leave spiritually in the marriage and in the home? Do you lead with the children? Do you lead in such a way that if your wife follows your leadership and your headship, well she's more healthy? And husbands, is your leadership so weak?

Is your leadership so sick and maybe so non-existent that when your wife does follow you, she's not healthy? Look, if we're going to state that the reason that the wife submits to our own husband as unto the Lord because God has ordained it that way, then we cannot just ignore the husband's side of the marriage. And we're going to get to that when we get into the next verses. So the reason, we see the reason for this submission. And then number three, or the third major truth in the message, I want us to see the model for this submission. This is in verse 24. We'll get to the verse here in a minute. The model for this submission.

Now if we pay attention to verse 24, we can see that Paul is still using this comparison between wives, Christ's church, between husbands, and Christ. But look at what Paul is doing here. He is exalting the church and her submission to Christ as the pattern for wives to follow. Look at verse 24. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now at this point, I want to use this comparison and I want to ask two comparative questions. If the church does not submit to Christ, then what are the results? Think about that.

If the church, any church, does not submit to Christ, then what are the results? Well sin and rebellion might not look like rebellion, but any sin rejecting Christ and His Lordship and His Word, that is rebellion, dysfunction, the shame of a worldly and sinful reputation. The result is spiritual disease and notice the people in that kind of church suffer. They always do. But the next question, the comparative question, if the wife does not submit to her husband, then what are the results? The same. Sin, rebellion, dysfunction. It's sin and rebellion if she rejects God's standard.

Sin, rebellion, dysfunctional, and notice the shame of a worldly and sinful reputation because the world sees that marriage. Then there comes spiritual disease and look the people in that home, they suffer. Who are they? The children. You may say, "Pastor Chris, that is really not a fair comparison." Well isn't that what Paul is saying here? Isn't that the comparison that Paul is putting out here for us? Look back at verse 24.

"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husband." God through Paul is making this comparison and He is elevating the relationship between the church and Christ as the model for wives and husbands. I love what one commentator says here. I picked this up this week and I'm quoting, "When marriage is seen in the light of this higher relationship between Christ and His body, the wife finds no difficulty in submitting to her husband and now he goes to the husband for he too has obligations to her and the Lord." So look at what we have here.

We have this higher relationship between Christ and His church. That's the body of Christ, His bride. And this is the model, the pattern for submission for Christian wives. Simply she is to submit to her husband in all things except sin. She is to submit to her husband in all things just like the church is to submit to Christ in all things. And ladies, wives, oh I want you to listen. Listen to how blessed you are. God says that you are to submit to your husband and He has given you, God has given you a bottle and a pattern for what that looks like right here in this church. We're not a perfect church, I know that, but we are a healthy church.

We are a biblical church. We are a true church. I don't know if you realize this, but there's a sermon there about how to find a biblical church, a true church. There are marks of what a true church should be and is. And we are a true and healthy church. And look, do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to learn how to submit to your husband in all things? Husbands, do you want to be a husband, a father, and a leader in your home that is worthy of her submission? Well, plug your life, plug your life, plug your life into the church.

If you have struggles in your marriage, if you have any struggle in your marriage, be faithful to every area of the church and look to the church as a model for your marriage. Isn't that what Paul is saying? And how can you learn from that model if you're not faithful? Look, I know we have sickness. We've had a scourge of sickness. Half of you have been out with sickness. If you're sick, stay home. We have legitimate vacation, sure. I've known people though who vacation so much they never could be faithful to anything. But what I'm trying to show you is this. Faithfulness matters. It matters. And you might not realize it.

It can and will affect your marriage. So we see the model for this submission. Now, as I move away from the verses, I want to do two things. First, I want to give us a warning in the form of a question. Yes, in the form of another question. We should know this, what I'm going to present to you, because we studied this in our small groups back in Genesis, the third lesson. Some of you are going to know it as soon as I start getting into it. But here's the question. Here's the warning now. What happened when Adam and Eve did not fulfill their duties associated with their roles in their marriage? Let me say that again.

What happened when Adam and Eve did not fulfill their duties associated with their roles in their marriage? Look, Adam did not leave, protect, and even correct his wife. Well, what happened? Eve jumped off, jumped off, jumped ahead of the leadership of her husband, Adam. And what happened? Look, listen close to your pastor. If Adam had exercised his responsibilities in his role as a husband, and if Eve had exercised her responsibilities in her role as a wife, things would have been a lot different. So here's the warning. Do not make the same mistake that Adam and Eve did. It always brings sin. It always brings destruction.

It always brings death. It always, always, always happens. And look at what it affects. The home. It always affects the home. And look at who it affects. Your children. Now second, I want to give us another test. Yes, another test. Now this is much different and a lot simpler than the test that we had in the introduction of the message. So here's this second test. Will we submit to the authority of the scripture? Will we submit to the authority of the scripture? It is simple. Will we submit to the authority of all in that is seen in the scripture? We will either submit or obey, or we will reject and disobey. And notice this teaching here.

It has two bookends. You know what bookends are? You know you have a shelf. You have two bookends. They hold up the books. We have two bookends. The first test. The test of proving, revealing, and determining. That's a big test. That's a complicated test. Some of you need to chew on that. And then the second test. The second bookend of authority, submission, and obedience. And next week, already the week after, we're going to look at some lessons from this message. We need to carry this teaching a little further before we get into verse 25 and the following verses.

So let's pray and let's commit these things to the Lord and look forward to what God's going to do in our lives in the future.