The Role of the Christian Husband - Part 1

I don't know if you noticed a particular line we were singing together. "And day by day I know He will renew me." That speaks to the work of Christian sanctification. Those of us who are born again and walking with the Lord, striving to be that Spirit-filled Christian, we know that day by day we must be renewed by the power and the work of the Spirit in our lives. And I'm very thankful for that phrase and that song. And I look forward to seeing you renewed in all of these things that we're studying that relate to our roles and responsibilities in the home. I appreciate that worship.

Now if you would take your Bible turn back to Ephesians chapter 5. I know we read quite a bit of scripture earlier in our scripture reading time. Of course we will not cover all of those verses. As a matter of fact we will have a part 1 and a part 2. When you looked ahead and you looked at these verses, verses 25 to 33, you probably already knew we would have a part 1 and a part 2. Now this morning we're just continuing along in this section of scripture that mostly has to do with roles and responsibilities within family relationships. We've been looking at wives and husbands and we will look at children and parents. We'll get there soon.

And we've had two messages so far. First we divided verses 22 to 24 in what I call the role of the Christian wife. Of course the Christian wife has many roles and responsibilities but we saw that Paul was singling out one particular role. She is to submit to her husband as the head of the family and the head of the marriage. We read those verses earlier. And last week we did not start our next verses. Our next verses up are verses 25 to 33. But I was burdened that we needed to examine what I see as four critical lessons that must be applied to all of this teaching on Christian marriage. And these lessons are much needed.

Far more important than you know. Now the first lesson I called it the buck stops here. That means that husbands, as husbands, Christian husbands, we cannot pass off our responsibilities in the marriage. We must lead our wives and our families while at the same time we are depending on our wives as our helpers. So it is up to us, men, husbands. It is our responsibility. The buck stops here. The second lesson I called it God's created order. This speaks to the fact that the roles and responsibilities in relation to the husband and the wife within the marriage were established by God all the way back in Genesis chapter 2.

God established the order of things before the fall of man and that standard has never changed. And as we study these things in the New Testament we see that the New Testament writers affirm God's original created order within the marriage. The New Testament writers even expound on these things. So God's created order. And then third I call this third lesson the surprise of mutual submission. From verse 21 we saw the general principle of mutual submission one to another and we saw that this applies to the marriage relationship. The wife submits to her husband as her head and the husband submits to his wife as his helper.

But not because she is the head of the husband. It is because the husband understands that he is inadequate and even incomplete without her as his helper. He literally cannot lead without his wife. So the surprise of mutual submission. And then fourth this lesson I called it is not about our rights. Here we learn that if we think in terms of our rights within the marriage we have actually taken up the flaming torch of competition from the example of the disciples. We saw that at the heart of seeking after our own rights is envy, jealousy, pride, self, and selfishness.

And ultimately if we seek our rights within the marriage we want to be the greatest just like those disciples did. But from Christ's example we saw that our hearts should be filled with humility, love, and service. We are to lay down that flaming torch of competition and we are to take up the towel of humility and love and service. And with Christ as our example and living the spirit filled life and all of these things we can be motivated by humility, love, and service. The last lesson is not about our rights. Now I want us to see that we must accept this teaching. These lessons contain four fundamental truths that are critical.

Critical for a healthy Christian marriage. These lessons are foundational. I say that because they are ground floor. And they are vital meaning we cannot have a healthy marriage without accepting this teaching. But remember something that I pointed out last week. Some of these lessons are connected. This means that if we are failing at one we are failing at another as well. I'll give you an example. If you fail to accept and live out God's created order in all of these things then you as a husband are not the head or the leader of your marriage.

Another example, if you are demanding your rights within your marriage then you are terrible, terrible at mutual submission. Another example, husbands if you are terrible at mutual submission then you are a lone ranger leader within your marriage and home. You are telling your wife that you do not need her as your help me. You are saying and you are living, "Look I've got it on my own." And I'm sure I'll continue to mention these lessons as we move through these verses. We may even look at some other lessons as we finish up the role and the responsibilities of the husband.

So this morning we are going to turn our attention to verses 25-33 where Paul shifts to the role and the responsibilities of the husband. And I think you have probably figured it out by now. The title of the message is "The Role of the Christian Husband." And just like with Christian wives, the husband has many roles. He has many responsibilities but Paul here is addressing one role. He is addressing one standard. And we will see that the Christian husband has many, many responsibilities associated with that one role. So this is how we are going to approach the verses. First we will look at the standard of love in verse 25.

Second we will look at what this love looks like. And that starts in verse 25 or the second part of verse 25 on down to verse 31. And then third we will look at the motive for this love in verse 32 and 33. And like I said earlier, this is a part one and we will get about halfway through these verses this morning. So number one, I want us to look at what I call the standard of love in verse 25. Number one, the standard of love. Now right away here, I want us to look at how verse 25 is connected to verse 22. And this is all important. In verse 22, Paul sets the standard of submission.

He says it is the wife's role in duty to submit to her husband just as the church submits to Christ. Simply Paul is dealing with submission and authority. And here in verse 25, he quickly picks up with authority. Paul emphasizes the fact that the husband has authority over his wife and he is calling the husband to pick up his authority and to exercise his responsibility. So the emphasis in verse 23 is on submission and the emphasis on verse 25 is authority. But a question, is that what verse 25 says? Is verse 25 to verse 33, is that a call for the husband to pick up his authority and to exercise his authority? No.

I kind of tricked you a little. Look church, this should be surprising to us. And I'll explain why it should be surprising to us here in a moment. Verses 25 to 33 have nothing to do with authority. Verses 25 to 33 are all about love, not authority. And men, look how we would approach these things as compared to God. Let's be honest here. If we as men and husbands were writing these things, we would call our wives to submit to us as husbands. And then we would call husbands to keep their wives in submission. We would call on husbands to hold up the scepter of authority. Do you know what a scepter is? Some of you have a scepter in your hand.

You need to put it down. A king has a scepter now. It represents his authority. And we're going to see that some of you need to set the scepter of authority down. But God, through Paul here, does not approach these things like we would. And teaching in these verses, verses 22 to 24, it can be summed up with one word, the word submission. And then the teaching here in verses 25 to 33, it can be summed up with one word, not authority but love. So the standard that God gives here is love, not authority. God says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church." Now right here I want us to notice one important detail in the verse.

Notice that Paul says Christ loved the church past tense. This shows us that Paul was thinking of the love that Christ demonstrated on the cross. Christ loved the church past tense by dying on the cross for the church. But what does this mean? I touched on some of this last week. We must see that the cross, and Christ's death on the cross, is the highest form of love. And the cross is the highest form of love ever, ever, ever displayed. And for us, this means that Paul, God through Paul, is calling us husbands to the highest standard of love that has ever existed.

The example of Christ and the cross is the very highest love that we could ever strive to understand and strive to imitate. But man has a problem here. Man has a problem. No man can ever strive to live this standard ever. Romans 3, 10 and 11 says, and I'm quoting the verse, "None are no one is righteous." No, not one. No one understands. No one seeks for God. And this tells us that the unregenerate or unsaved man does not have the ability to do these things. He is totally incapable. But God has given a solution. And this solution is two-sided. First, when a man comes to saving faith in Christ, he is able to live the Christian life.

Paul says this in Galatians 2, 20, when he says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. In the life I now live, in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." So the man who has been crucified with Christ, and Christ lives in him, he is able to strive for this love for his wife as Christ loved his church because Christ lives in him. If the Christian husband could not strive to love his wife in this way, well, God would not have commanded him to do so.

So a Christian husband can set his eye on the highest standard and he can strive towards that standard because Christ lives in him. And then second, when a believing husband lives the Spirit-filled life, the Spirit-controlled life, he is able to live the victorious Christian life. Paul says this in Ephesians 5, 18. We've read this numerous times.

"Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit." So the Christian husband who is filled by the Spirit, he is guided by the Spirit, he is controlled and empowered by the Spirit in these things, he is able to strive to love his wife as Christ loved his church because the Holy Spirit is filling him, the Holy Spirit is controlling him, the Spirit is guiding him. And again, if the Christian husband could not strive to love his wife in this way, God would not have commanded him to do so. So a Christian husband can set his eye.

He can set his eye on this highest of standards and strive towards that standard if he lives the Spirit-filled life. Now I want to pause here, and I want us all to see two facts. A husband cannot in any way strive to love his wife like Christ loved the church if he is truly not a born-again Christian. And if you're here this morning, no matter your intentions, no matter your efforts, no matter how much you may know, if you are not born of God, if you are not a true Bible Christian, you cannot in any way live this standard.

And then also, as a truly born-again husband, you cannot strive to love your wife like Christ loved the church as you should unless you are living the Spirit-filled life. That's why it's important to have all of this teaching together. And look, if you are not Spirit-filled, if you are not controlled and guided by the Spirit, well then you are controlled by what? Sin and self and other people's standards here. Now notice what Paul was in doing here. Warren Wiersby points this out. I mentioned this last week. At this point in the message we really need to see this. Paul was and is lifting up marriage.

He is lifting up the marriage relationship and married love to the highest level possible by comparing the relationship between the wife and husband to the relationship between the church and Christ. He is elevating marriage and the roles and relationships within the marriage to the highest level possible. And ladies, wives, you have it rather easy here. I'm being serious. You have it rather easy here. All you have to do is live the Spirit-filled life. All you have to do is to submit unto the Lord as we see in verse 22, which is the Spirit-filled life. And then all you have to do is submit to your husband just like you submit unto the Lord.

It's not that complicated. Now it may be hard. Why? It may be hard because you've got to fight against sin and you've got to fight against your flesh. And all of what the world would tell you here, but men, husbands, we have it much, much, much harder here. And I'm being serious. We have to live the Spirit-filled life. And we are called to love our wives just like Christ loved His church. We are called to the highest, most holy love there is. We are called to love like God, which is impossible unless we are born of the Spirit of God and we are filled and we are enabled by God to do so. And we have to fight our flesh.

We have to fight a lot of sin. We have to fight what the world would say. Two more points of application here. If we have a Christian marriage, we're born again as husband and wife. If we are both as husband and wife living the Spirit-filled life, a Christian wife will gladly submit to a husband who is loving her like Christ loved the church. She will. And a Christian husband will gladly love his wife like Christ loves the church. He will. And look, if you're both born again, and if these things are not happening in your marriage, you just might need a little counsel here.

You just might need to go to your small group leader and seek a little counsel to work out some wrinkles, to work out some difficulties, maybe to even deal with difficult sin. As a matter of fact, some of you might even need some counsel from your pastor. So the standard of love. Husbands, it's not about authority here. We are to love our wives. How? As Christ loved the church, Christ went to the cross and loved the church. And then number two, our second major truth in the message, this is what I call what this love looks like. This is at the second part of verse 25, on down to verse 31. This is what I call what this love looks like.

Now we've already seen how the Christian husband is to love his wife, but now Paul shows us what the love looks like. And notice, Paul shows us what this love looks like by telling us what the Puritans said about marriage here. Notice, Paul, he shows us what this love looks like by telling us what a famous pastor or a famous conference preacher says here. Now studying the Puritans is good. Oh, going to a conference on marriage can be good. Listening to a famous pastor or a famous conference preacher can be good, but also some of those things can be bad. But what am I trying to show you here?

Paul doesn't go to the authorities like men do or the so-called authority. But Paul shows us what this love looks like by describing how Christ loved and loves his church. And he shows us that Christ's love for his church is seen in four ways. First, he shows us that Christ's love is sacrificial. Look at the last part of verse 25. You'll see how it's sacrificial. He says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church." We've already covered that. "And gave himself up for her." Now, we have covered this some, but there's more that we need to see here.

We need to know that when Christ left heaven and he came to earth, he sacrificed much to redeem men and mankind by going to the cross. Christ truly gave up his power. He truly gave up his privilege as God's son to come to the earth and to die on the cross from men and mankind. Notice what Philippians 2, 6 to 8 says, and I'm quoting the verse, "Who, which is Christ, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped.

But he emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, and being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." And Philippians 2, 6 to 8, truly sums up Christ's sacrificial love. But we need to ask a couple of questions here, and I need you to think with me and follow me here. This is important. What is the essence of the nature of this love? And how does Christ's love compare to man's love? Let me repeat that. What is the essence? What is the nature of Christ's love, God's love, and how does Christ's love compare to man's love?

First, I want us to see man's love and the nature of man's love. John MacArthur gives a great description of man's love here, and I will quote him, and I'm adding to what he says, "The world's love is always object-oriented." And I'm going to add to that by saying it's conditional. Let me repeat that. MacArthur says, "The world's love is always object-oriented. It's conditional. A person is love because of physical attractiveness, personality, wit, prestige, or some other positive characteristic." In other words, the world loves those whom it deems worthy of love.

And he continues, "Such love is necessarily fickle." I will add to that by saying it's changing, it's conditional, it's uncertain. Let me repeat that. "Such love is necessarily fickle." It's changing, it's conditional, it's uncertain. As soon as a person loses a positive characteristic or that characteristic is no longer appealing, the love based on the characteristic also disappears. So notice, the nature of man's love is that it is object-oriented, it is conditional. By nature, man's love can change, and it does change because it is based on attractiveness, need, and want.

But conversely, God's love and the very nature of God's love is not at all like a man's love. MacArthur also gives a great description of God's love here. He really captures all of this well, and I'm adding to this as well. He, this is God, He loves because it is His nature to love that which He has created, and because the objects of His love need to be loved, not because they are attractive or deserve His love. If God loved as the world loves, He could not love a single human being, but in His marvelous graciousness, He loves because He cannot do otherwise.

So the nature of God's love is that God's love is not object-oriented, it is not conditional. Oh, but His love is directed at certain objects. That would be people. But God's love is not object-oriented, it is not conditional. By nature, God's love cannot change, and it does not change based on attractiveness, need, or want. God does not want for anything or need anything. And what we must see here is this. Let me pull all of this together. Man's love is object-oriented. It's conditional.

Men and men love something or someone based on some sort of attractiveness, want, or need, but when that attraction or want or need changes, so does the love. But God's love is based on grace. He chooses to love those whom He created, sinful men and women. He chooses to love those who need His love. He even chooses to love those who have rejected Him and who have rejected His love. So by its very nature, God's love is gracious. Why? Because He is gracious. By His very nature, God is gracious, so He loves graciously. He cannot do otherwise because of His very nature. He is gracious.

And because He is gracious and acts graciously towards men and mankind, therefore He is sacrificial. And did God make His gracious sacrificial nature known? Yes. The text says, "God shows." The New American says, "Demonstrates." God shows. He demonstrates His love for us in that while we were sinners, notice the sacrifice. Christ died for us. Romans 5-8. And did the Son make His gracious sacrificial nature known to us? Notice the verse.

"He," this is Christ, "He emptied Himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, and being found in human form, He humbled Himself and becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross." Philippians 2, 7-8. And look, men, husbands, church. This is how God commands us husbands to love our wives. God is calling us to love. He is calling us to love a love which comes from grace, and it is bound up in grace. Therefore, it is sacrificial. This love is sacrificial because gracious love always is sacrificial. Anything else is object-oriented, conditional, and human. Now let me say this before I continue.

There are a lot of times when I preach and teach, I give it all to you. But there are a lot of things I give you, you've got to study, and you've got to meditate on, and you've got to get this. I've unfolded a lot here. You have some work to do. You've got to study and work to digest these things. But let me continue. Again, John MacArthur really helps us in applying this feather. He really grasps all of this well. And he says, I'm quoting, "A husband is not commanded to love his wife because of what she is, or is not. He is commanded to love her because it is God's will for him to love her.

It is certainly intended for a husband to admire and to be attracted by his wife's beauty, winsomeness, kindness, gentleness, or any other positive quality or virtue. But those such things bring great blessing and enjoyment. They are not the bond of marriage. If every appealing characteristic and every virtue of his wife disappears, a husband is still under just as great an obligation to love her. If anything, anything, he is under a greater obligation because her need for the healing and the restoring power of his selfless love is even greater." So look at what God is calling us husbands to do.

He is calling us to a sacrificial love that comes from grace. And that grace can only be in the heart of a husband. It can only be in his life if Christ lives within. And he is living the spirit-controlled, spirit-filled life. And look, folks, there's one or two men here. Only one or two. You are either a born-again believer, therefore you have this grace within you, or you're not. There is no in-between. And we either have a sacrificial love, which is deposited in our hearts and in our lives by God's grace from the indwelling spirit, or our love is object-oriented, it's conditional, it's fickle, it's changing, all of which are sinful.

That is not the love that God desires for a Christian husband. And notice, the former builds a true Christian marriage. In the latter, it destroys it. Remember, we talked about cancer and fire last week. And then second, I want us to see Christ's sanctifying love. We just looked at Christ's love. It is sacrificial. Notice that Christ's love is sanctifying. We see this in verse 26 to 27.

"That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." We have seen how husbands, how we are to love our wives, we are to love them sacrificially just as Christ sacrificially loved and loves his church, which all comes from grace. And here, Paul takes it one step further. He says the Christian husband is to love his wife with a sanctifying love. Now we know that when a person comes to saving faith in Christ, positionally they are sanctified. Let me explain.

This word sanctify simply means to be set apart. This means that when one comes to faith in Christ, they are positionally set apart in Christ, they are sanctified. But on a practical level, throughout life on a day-to-day basis, the one who has been born again and set apart positionally, they must engage in the process of the work of sanctification. And this day-to-day process requires a work of the Spirit in the life and it requires the work of the believer as well. The believer is responsible to participate in what God has begun in them and that started its salvation. So the believer is sanctified when they are born again.

They are set apart positionally in Christ. And all throughout their life, the believer is sanctified when they assume their responsibility to live the Spirit-filled life. So they are sanctified practically in their everyday life as they walk with their Lord. And notice what Paul is saying here about the church, which is the collective group of what? Saved believers, saved people. He says that they, the church, though saved individuals, they are sanctified or cleansed by the washing of the water with the Word. And get this, Paul is speaking of their practical sanctification in their day-to-day lives.

But what does this phrase mean, the washing of water with the Word? There is a little bit of a debate there. Some get off into applying this to baptism and things like that, but I think that they are an error. But this simply means that individual believers and collective believers, which is the church, they are cleansed and washed by the Word of God as they hear the Word of God and they obey the Word of God. The Word here in verse 25, it means something that is spoken. It means something that is declared. The Bible scholar Thayer says this means that which is or has been uttered by a living voice.

Jesus links this process of sanctification with the washing of the Word in John chapter 17. In what is called a high priestly prayer, Jesus prayed to His Father for His disciples, and what did He pray? He says, "Father, sanctify them in the truth. The Word is truth." So notice that Paul is saying two things here. This certainly applies to us in two ways in our day. First, the church, the collective group of believers, we, they are sanctified by the washing of the Word of God. The church is sanctified by the washing of the spoken, the uttered, the declared Word of God, which are the Scriptures. Look, church, listen to your pastor close here.

Your individual sanctification depends on the spoken and the taught Word of God, and our collective sanctification depends on the spoken and the taught Word of God. Get this in your mind. Our sanctification does not depend on lively, upbeat, feel-good music. Our sanctification does not depend on some lively, upbeat, feel-good music program. And look, that doesn't offend Brother Keith. You know why? Because we do what the Scriptures say. Go back to verse 19. What does Paul say here?

"Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms." That's the Scripture, hymns and spiritual songs. Now, what am I trying to show you? Our music program is built on singing truth, and those who stand up here and lead are living the Christian life. And so many people have fallen into the trap of thinking that their sanctification depends on lively, upbeat, feel-good music in the church. Actually, that is a lie straight from hell. Our sanctification also does not depend on program after program after program in the life of the church. Business does not equate sanctification.

As a matter of fact, too much busyness in the church hinders sanctification. But notice, our sanctification depends on the spoken, the uttered, the declared Word of God. Now, notice what we do in the life of the church. What do we do behind this pulpit? We teach God's Word. No matter who, no matter who they may be, they're going to preach and teach God's Word. We just had a spring revival and renewal meeting. Pastor Jason Johns came from Lake Butler, Florida, and what did he do? He taught God's Word.

I had a man in the life of the church call me this week talking about a personal matter, and he said, "I've gone back to several of those messages over and over and over." Why? Because the Word was sanctifying him. What do we do in small groups? Yes, we share life. Yes, we carry each other's burdens. Sure. Yes, we connect with brothers and sisters, but we teach God's Word. What do we do on Wednesday nights? Teach God's Word. And listen. Some of you, your personal sanctification is stunted because you're not as faithful as you should be. Now, what's my motive in saying that? Do I just want more people here? No. I don't ever want that.

My motive is for your sanctification, and I know and I understand that if you sleep in or you go home because you're tired, that will affect your sanctification. And because your sanctification is stunted, our corporate sanctification is stunted as well. Yes. If you're not being sanctified as you should be, then you affect the corporate body. And then second, the husband is responsible to take part in the sanctification work of his wife, but we'll get to that next week. We just don't have the time. Now, this is how I want to close the message, the thought of the message, the role of the Christian Husband, part one.

And here's how I want to close. Remember our two tests? We're being tested, church, all through this teaching. This teaching is proving us for who and what we will be. Remember, I call this the Abraham test. The Abraham test is going on right now. This teaching is proving us for who we are, and we are determining who and what we will be. It's up to us. And then this teaching is forcing us to obey the authority of God's Word or to reject it. Yes. This is the trust and obey test. The trust and obey test is going on right here. We are either bowing down to the authority of God's Word or we are rebelling against it and rejecting it.

So as always, let's pray and commit these things to the Lord and look forward to Him doing this work in us. The role of the Christian Husband. spray.