Training up Our Children

Take your Bible and turn back with the verse that we read earlier. Go back to the verse that we read earlier, Proverbs chapter 22. We are just moving along in chapter 22. And we're really going to cover just one verse, although I did say that we're going to look at our glance at, mention a few others. And we are going to turn to that Ephesians verse later at the end of the message. Now whether you know it or not, this verse that's right in front of us can be extremely difficult for some, although it is very, very popular. This verse is a well-known verse. Now let me explain what I mean.

Lots of well-known verses, lots of popular verses are not that difficult. But this one can be difficult, and I'm going to talk about the difficulties a little later on. Now whether you know it or not, this verse can create a lot of guilt for people. This verse can create even a lot of hurt. This verse has spawned or produced a lot of unbalanced views and unbalanced teaching and even some bad teaching and bad approaches to child rearing. Now let me explain what I mean by heartache and confusion. This will resonate with some of you, I believe. I will speak about the unbalanced views and teaching and the bad teaching here in a few minutes.

But first for some, this verse can produce a lot of guilt, a lot of guilt. This verse seems to promise parents that if they raise their children the right way, that would be God's way, then when they grow up they will not leave the faith or depart the Christian faith. And see the guilt comes when a child grows up and leaves the Christian faith. Many parents say something like this, "Well what did we do wrong?" These parents can feel terribly guilty because their children grew up, they worked hard, they had them in a good church, they taught them the Bible, they exemplified the Christian faith, but what happens?

They leave the faith and they feel like maybe it is their fault. So there can be a lot of guilt, there can be a lot of pain, there can be a lot of heartache from parents because of that problem. But then also this verse can produce a lot of hurt, a lot of hurt. There are some parents who take these verses, verses like this and others and they become excessive. They can become robotic, they can become formulaic, even militant. Their words may say one thing but their attitudes and their actions say something like this in their child reary. You're going to learn the Bible and you're going to grow up and serve God or else.

They can have the right words but yet their attitudes can be very harsh, even demeaning. And the children grow up and they can resent their parents, they can hate how they were taught and treated, and they can leave the faith. Sometimes they can grow up and even hate the Christian faith. And see the parents end up hurt and the children end up hurt. The parents are hurt and even resentful that their children did not do as they were told. The children are hurt, they're resentful because maybe their parents were militant or excessive or robotic and had the wrong attitudes in their approach to parenting.

Truthfully, something else we see when we approach these verses, stuff like this, bad mistakes, bad extremes. I'm pointing these out as extremes, mistakes. They kind of blend together. I think about three mistakes that I have often seen through the years and these are mistakes we we need to all be on guard against. First mistake is the do nothing approach to child rearing. The do nothing meaning the parents, they do nothing and they think their son or their daughter will just be okay. Maybe they think they will get some kind of Christianity on their own but mostly they do nothing. This is a bad mistake. This is an extreme.

The second mistake is what I call the drop-off approach, the drop-off approach to parenting. Really, this parent does nothing spiritually with their children except drop them off at the church house. Now they might come with them but really they're disengaged spiritually. They relegate everything spiritually to someone else and they expect them to maybe grow up and love God, maybe even serve God. Maybe they kind of expect them to grow up and love God even when they're completely disengaged. That's one mistake. But then there's the third mistake or the third approach. I call it the boot camp approach. I've kind of touched on this some.

Some want to do such a good job, parents that is, that they put their kids almost like through a boot camp every day. They're rigid, they're robotic, they're formulaic, they're even fanatical. You know, everything is charted out, everything is planned, everything is thought through, and everything must be done right to the T. Their attitude is this. If their child goes through the right plan and they as parents do their job as they should, then they will automatically grow up and love God and serve God. Isn't that what the verse says? That's their attitude. It's like a home military academy for Jesus and that's an extreme mistake.

You see, these approaches speak to those who get out of balance. They get out of balance. The first and the third approach reflect, you know, some bad views, bad teaching from the verse. You see, and what did the results, what are results like this? What are the results from these types of approaches? Being out of balance, the bad teaching that produces this type of parenting. The results are guilt and pain and hurt and heartache and bitterness and resentment. You see, it doesn't work. It won't work. And so all types of things happen as a result for parents and for children.

So all of that to say this, if we in the life of the church, okay, we love our children, we love our sons and our daughters, if we want our children to grow up and love God and serve God, listen, we must take our responsibility serious as parents and then second, we must see the job according to God's instructions in God's Word. You see, first we take our responsibility serious and then we look into God's Word to do it God's way with balance. Yes. Now before we get into the verse and then the other verses I'll mention, I want to, I want you to write down or remember some words and phrases and these are a must, okay. These are a must.

First of all, you as a parent must know God. Look, if you're not born again, you're just going to do it externally. So first you must be a born again Christian and you must know God. Second, you must have a heart for God and a heart for His ways. Listen, if you don't love God and love God's ways and love God's Word, listen, you're just going to do it in the flesh. It's just going to be rules. It's just going to be externals.

And then two, if you don't have a real love for parenting, a love for your children, a love for God in God's ways with parenting and a love for your children, you know there are some parents, they love their rules about parenting more than they love their sons and their daughters. You see? And then if you don't have God's standard with patience and mercy and grace, God's standard with patience and mercy and grace. I've seen parents hold high the standard but they have no mercy and grace and love and patience, you see. And then ultimately if our sons and daughters don't know God, then it's just going to be religion.

I've come back full circle to that. So let me just hit that again real quickly. First of all, as parents we've got to know God. We've got to be born again. We have to have a heart for God and I have to have a heart for His ways, the teachings in Scripture. We have to have a love in all of this. We love God and we want to parent the way God says and we love our children. And then yes, we have God's standard, but we have it with grace and mercy and patience, you see. Sometimes we fail to realize how patient and merciful and gracious God is with us.

And then it comes back to ultimately if our sons and daughters don't come to know Christ, at best it's religion. And we're going to talk about that a little more. You know, I thought about something and I really don't have this in my notes. I'm going to reference it. Really our parenting, all we got to do is look to the example of Jesus with the disciples. Look at how Jesus discipled His 12. That's a great example. First of all, He called them. They were born again and then He loved them and He patiently worked with them and taught them the Word. He taught them over and over and over and He dealt with their failures.

Sometimes He was hard on them and hit them right in the face and sometimes He just was kind and compassionate and tender. He never gave up on them and ultimately it was a work of God in them with the Word of God because He always gave them the Word of God. Now that's something you can go study on your own. All right, we're going to look at this in three ways or three truths and it just comes right out of the verses or right out of the verse. It's really easy for you to follow along. I'm not going to read the scripture. We've read it and this really comes out of there. So the first thing I want us to see are, number one, the training.

What does the verse say? Train up a child. This training that we see right away. Now here, right away, this speaks to the serious duty, the serious responsibility that we have as parents. Training up the child, son or daughter, young or old. Now there are many opinions here. There is much writing as to what this training actually is. Now I'm going to just stick with what we see in the Proverbs. Again, people have written books, volumes on what this means. I'm just going to stick with the Proverbs.

The whole of Proverbs tells us what this training entails and if we pay attention as we read Proverbs, we will see how God expects us to approach this training. Now a book written by a man can be good but we don't have to have that. But we do have to have God's word, all of God's word and especially the Proverbs. Now I want us to see this training in two ways. First, what I'm calling discipline and instruction and then second, discipline and correction. You can abbreviate that instruction and then correction. But why do I throw the word discipline in there? Think about that with me a minute. Why would I throw the word discipline?

Discipline and instruction, discipline and correction. Look, all of this takes discipline for us as parents. A lazy dad and a lazy mother lacks discipline. Isn't that right? If a mother or a father is lazy, they lack discipline and the father and the mother must be disciplined in the responsibility, you see. I mean what about school? You guys ready to go back to school? I mean one of you nodded your head. Most of you said no. Think about in school whether we're in college, it doesn't matter. With school we have to discipline ourselves. Isn't that right? If we're lazy, if we have no effort and no planning, well then nothing gets done.

I mean we have to have discipline at work. I just used all kinds of places in life. So if we're going to be lazy and parenting, it won't work. But we have to be disciplined. That's why I'm emphasizing that word. So first this discipline in instruction. Now this pertains to teaching. Giving instruction or teaching to our child, to our son, to our daughter. Now question, isn't that what all the proverbs are all about? We've had some good times going through some proverbs. I've given you a lot to study on your own. If you have studied, you've read across more proverbs that we could teach on. But what am I showing you?

Isn't that what all the proverbs are about? Solomon is teaching his son. You see? Solomon is giving his young son instruction about life. All about life. The ways of the world, the ways of God. That's all Solomon is doing. Just think about some of the things we've covered. I glanced back at it yesterday and today. How many times have we seen Solomon instruct his son in the ways of wisdom and foolishness? Always contrasting the two. How many times have we seen Solomon instruct his son, teach his son, in the ways of sexual immorality and the adulterous woman? Remember he personifies adultery and immorality.

How many times have we seen Solomon instruct his son in the practical ways of laziness compared to hard work? What about the instruction that we've seen on subjects like money and ill-gotten gain? The way we should speak or should not speak? Receiving good advice and then all of the instruction about drunkenness? I mean it's been full. Everything we've looked at has been full of Solomon teaching his son. And so the whole book of Proverbs is all about Solomon being very disciplined. Isn't that right? He's very purposeful and he's instructing and teaching his son. Now I'm going to ask a lot of rhetorical questions tonight. Sometimes I do that.

Mom and dad, could we read a chapter a day from the Proverbs and then in turn do as Solomon did? Could we instruct our children simply from what we have read? If we did that every week in their life until they leave our home, what would we have taught them? Lots of people will read a Proverb a day, a chapter a day. How many chapters? How many chapters are in the book? 31. Put some going through the book once a month you see. If you did that, if you did that every day, every week, how much would you go through the Proverbs with your son and your daughter? Listen mom and dad, could we take every sermon that you hear in the life of our church?

Could we take that sermon and teach that sermon to our son and our daughters every week? If we did that every week until they leave our home, what would we teach them as we corporately meet together and study God's word together? That's a lot. Think about it. As a matter of fact, some of you can get really good at taking a sermon that's talked to you and pulling three or four questions that you could pose to your son and your daughter. Have great dialogue. I mean it just goes on and on you see. So first we have to be disciplined to instruct and teach our children. And then second, the discipline in correction. Discipline in correction.

Now besides verbal instruction and teaching, we must see that a part of training is correction. If we read the Proverbs, we most certainly see that Solomon speaks about two forms of correction. The first form is the rod and the second form is the reproof. You can put them in any order. We see Solomon talk about the rod of correction and the reproof of correction. Now let me briefly explain the two. First, this rod of correction. Now listen, make no mistake. God commands Solomon in the book of Proverbs to use the rod of correction on our children. Yes, that's corporal punishment. Your grandmother knew the Bible and was obedient.

That's why she used corporal punishment. We see this teaching in chapter 22 verse 15. And then earlier in Proverbs in chapter 13 verse 24. In chapter 22 verse 15, Solomon says that sin and foolishness is driven out of the heart and life of a child with the rod of discipline. Corporal punishment. In chapter 13 verse 24, Solomon says that the parent who does not use the rod actually hates their child. He says the parent who loves and disciplines their children with the rod of correction, he actually loves them. Now this is not beating our children. No, this is not done out of meanness or anger or frustration.

It's being obedient to the scripture, doing it out of love and with great patience. Now let me continue. We've looked at the rod of correction, then the reproof of correction. Now the word reproof speaks about a reasoned argument. Now not arguing, but a reasoned argument. Not fighting, but a calculated reasoned position stated by the parent to the child. The picture here is of a lawyer and the lawyers in a courtroom presenting or arguing his case. That is what a parent does. They take the time to present the right and the wrong to the child. They lovingly point out the wrong and they point out the right.

They point out the behavior, which is good. You see? Now here are my questions again. Mom and dad. Do we do one but not the other? Have we let the world and popular psychology tell us that we can't put the rod of discipline, corporal punishment to our children? Do we only use reproof and not the rod? Mom and dad, do we correct out of love and patience or do we correct out of anger and frustration? I've seen people take the rod and it's out of anger and frustration and they just whip the dog out of their kids. That's not what Solomon's talking about. No. I've seen parents never reproof their children. Never sit down and talk.

All they do is just snatch them up and use the rod. No, it's both, you see? Now what have we seen here? God expects us to instruct and correct our children. It takes discipline. You see? That's why I keep bringing that up. This takes time. This takes effort. This takes work. It takes studying the Bible. This takes looking up to mentors who can help us here. It is our responsibility. We must be responsible and disciplined in many areas of our life. But listen, when it comes to training up our children, we should work hard to teach them and instruct them, but then also to correct them. And yes, our grandmother was right.

Even our moms and dads who use corporal punishment were being biblical. Now an application. I want to point out some much needed information here. Listen, first, when you get here in the life of the church, what you get here in the life of the church, the teaching ministry in the life of the church, what you have for your family. Listen, what's put before you. Listen to what you have. Think about all the time that we faithfully went through the gospel of John. Think about how we're faithfully going through the Sermon on the Mount. Think about how we've been faithful to go almost a year through the Proverbs. I've not given you everything.

If you have cultivated an appetite for the Proverbs and you've studied, you've seen all types of information that you needed to see. Think about what we started with Psalms. I wish we could get back into the Psalms. Think about our children's classes. We do material where we go through the Bible every three years. We pray diligently over that material. They're learning an overview of the entire Bible. We do the same thing with our youth classes. We take the time to teach our children. Now what am I trying to show you? What we put before you is not perfect.

No, but what you get in the life of the church instructs you and teaches you and teaches your children. Now listen, you can take everything that we teach you and turn around and teach it back into your children and they will learn God's Word. But I want you to be on guard here. I want to give you a warning. There's all kinds of materials out there about child rearing, some good and some really, really bad. I mean, I can remember in my early Christian years hearing about one that's really turned out to be really on out there. Bill Gothard was so famous about helping families and all that. First of all, he's never been married.

Second of all, he doesn't have children. And then there's been some really shady things in his ministry in life. There have been all kinds of people that come along and they presume to be experts. But you know, I'll also warn you about some guys and some people. They're solid people, but they can be a little out of balance here. We have to be really careful when we bring teaching material and books and sermons into our lives because they have to be weighed in the balance of the totality of God's Word. And they have to be approached with balance. I know a lot of times people will overcorrect, see?

And this is one area that people can struggle with. So you need to be on guard. Listen, if you have a question about a resource or an author, a book or a sermon series, I will be glad to sit down and look at it and read it and study through it and dialogue with you and help you there. But then second again in this application, this reproof, this correction, this discipline. Sometimes this can be hard. Sometimes we need an older, wiser couple who have children that are under control. They've done a good job. We need help sometimes in these areas. Again, I'm not being exhaustive. What are we looking at? Number one, training. Training.

Go back to the verse. Train up a child. There's a whole lot here. Again, you can get into the Proverbs and learn more. Let's continue. Number two, the way. This is what I call the way. Look back at the verse. Train up a child in the way he should go. I think it's obvious there this way that he should go. Now here, we will see that this way spoken of is a different way than a child will naturally go. You need to see that a child will never naturally go this way. If a child is left to his own, if a child or a young person is left to follow their own heart, I think I spoke about that a week or so ago. Listen, they will end up living foolishly.

They will end up living in sin. They will end up living in rebellion against God. They will end up in hell if a child is left to themselves. Okay? So this way is completely different than the way that they will naturally go. Now what is this way? This is the way that he or she should live the way of God. Okay? Now for Solomon and his son, they lived in a different age. Scholars will use this term dispensation to describe different ages. They were in a different age. All right? Now let me turn it around.

We live in the age of the dispensation of grace, meaning we live between the first coming of Jesus and the second coming of Jesus as the Messiah. And then we also live in the age of the church. In the church's responsibility to do what? To evangelize the world. All right? Solomon did not live in this age. So I will phrase this and apply this to our age and our time, if that makes sense. And I'll be rather quick here. Talking about this way. First, the way of man's sin and sinfulness. Children need to be taught of the way of man's sin and man's sinfulness. Children need to be taught that they're not little angels, that they're little sinners.

Children need to be taught that they are born in the image of Adam. Children need to be taught of their sin, why they sin, and the fact that they are sinful. You see? Because if they're not taught what the Bible says about their heart and their nature and why they do what they do, they'll have a faulty understanding about who they are. So first, the way of man's sin and sinfulness. Second, the way of salvation that is only in Jesus. There's no other way. There's no other way. There is no other way. And then third, the way of regeneration or biblical conversion.

John chapter three and John chapter one teach us thoroughly about being born of God, born of the spirit. You see? Now notice how all this fits together. If we teach our children the way of sin and their sinful nature and their sinfulness, then they will see their need. And then they see that Jesus is the only way and that prepares them for the work of the spirit. You see? The spirit will never contradict what the word says, but yet us as parents can. We can't teach little Johnny and Susie that they're good kids. No, they're sinners and they do sinful things because of their condition.

And Jesus is the only way and their only hope is to be born of God, born of the spirit. Whether they're nine or 19 or 99, it doesn't matter. That's the only way a man is made right with God. Remember, Nicodemus came to Jesus. He cut right through his religion and said, Nicodemus, you must be born of the spirit born again. And then the fourth way is the way of the church from the book of Acts, all the way to the end of the revelation. The majority of the new Testament, the context of the church, we live in the age of the church. And so when we're born of God, born of the spirit, our lives are to be planted in the work of the local church.

See for Solomon, they weren't in the church age. No, you see, if we go back to Samuel, remember we studied that faulty but faithful family on Mother's Day. Where did Samuel serve? He served in Judaism there with Eli, the priest. He was in a different age. But so we teach them of the way of the church. We're born of God, planted in the church to serve the church. We teach them the way of the Christian family. And then six, we teach them the way of a Christian's responsibility in the world. We're to be used in the world for God's glory, to evangelize the lost and pour our lives into the church and help grow the saints.

And yes, to have a family if God so chooses. Some people are led to singleness. Paul was. Now, what do we see right here? The way and the direction our children should be instructed. The way of man's sinfulness, the way of salvation only in Jesus, the way of regeneration or biblical salvation, the way of the church, the way of the Christian family, and the way of a Christian's responsibility in the world. And listen, in our day and time, our children must be instructed this way. Now, some people might say something like this, pastor, shouldn't they be instructed about sound doctrine and theology?

Shouldn't they be instructed about baptism and the Lord's Supper and such? Oh, that's all under number four, the church. You see, these are broad categories. Doesn't cover it all. Now, an application. I want to ask you a question. If we instruct our children thoroughly in this way of life and that takes a hold of them, what would they be like when they come into their childhood? But if we instruct them in the ways of the American dream and cultural popularity, only sports and money, you see there's a whole host of ways in which we can train them. There's a whole host of ways in which we can direct them. But what about the way?

What does the verse say? Train up a child in the way he should go. We might not ever attain the American dream. Some people need to give up the American dream. Doesn't matter about popularity and sports and in monies. What matters is the way, you see? So number two, the way. Let me move on. Number three, I want us to see the result. Look back at the verse. Train up a child in the way he should go. Here's the second part of the verse. "Even when he is old, he will not depart from it." Now, here is where we can get into a lot of confusion and a lot of heartbreak. Truthfully, this is a difficult portion of scripture to interpret.

And there are a wide variety of interpretations here, even from respected scholars. Now, I want to help us here by pointing out the misconceptions and mistakes that some fall prey to. This will help us. As a matter of fact, you might get even add to this. And this will help narrow down. Let me say that again. I think this will help narrow down what God is teaching us through Solomon. First, the mistake of seeing this verse as a black and white promise. The mistake, I believe, of seeing this verse as a black and white promise. Listen, this is the way this mistake goes. All right?

If we as parents instruct and correct our children as we should, then the promise is that our children will never leave the faith. That's what some people believe. They just think if they do it right, it is a done deal. Well, there's a problem with that interpretation. First, it does not take into account the responsibility of the son or the daughter in hand. You see? It doesn't take into account the responsibility of the child. The child has a will. Have any of you realized that your son or your daughter has a will? The child has a will. They have a choice. They have a responsibility. Solomon clearly saw that.

Solomon clearly saw that his son had a responsibility to receive all of the teaching that was put before him. But Solomon clearly understood that his son had a choice. Second, that interpretation makes the child out to be robotic and pushes the parents into what I believe is a mechanical mistake, a robotic way of parenting. So listen closely. The parents have a responsibility to parent well, but the child grows up and exercises their choice in the matters. Isn't that true? Solomon's son had a choice. Choice after choice after choice with all of the teaching. Solomon's son was not a robot.

The second mistake, and that is missing the emphasis of the point of the verse. Listen, the emphasis is on the parent's responsibility, their responsibility to faithfully and lovingly train up the child in what? In the way they should go, the ways of God. Of course, this involves a whole lot. We've discussed it. We could keep going on. And I do believe Solomon gives us all that we need to do the job. Really, the totality of God's word does. Are our outside resources good? Yes, they can be, but they can be harmful. We've already talked about that. But along with Solomon in Proverbs and the rest of God's word, it is enough.

But the major point here is the responsibility of the parents, not a guarantee for success. So notice what we have here. The verse, look at the verse, train up a child in the way that he should go. And this is difficulty to interpret in the original language. When he's old, he will not depart from it. And a lot of people think this is a black and white promise. I just don't think we can make that case because there is a great mystery here. I think we should see our responsibility and then listen folks, then, then, then trust God for the results. We're responsible to do the work and let God take care of the results.

I give you two good examples. The famous English preacher, J.C. Ryle, very respected, very honored. I mean, a fine man of God. He had a son that was never converted and everything indicates that he did a fine job with his son. You see, it's a mystery. And I have friends who have older children. They have done the job well, but yet their sons and daughters are not converted. One of my friends now, one of my mentors, he has a son that went wayward and he's moved back home and seems to be under the conviction of God. And they worked hard in the area of child rearing and he is leaving the results up to God.

Now, as I close, I want to give some very broad instruction here. It really can be called some further teaching. I kind of struggle with how to title what I'm going to share here at the end. I kind of rested this afternoon on this four reasons that we need to sober up. You know what it means to sober up? If our minds aren't clear, you know, we wake up in the morning and we're foggy headed and we just can't quite think straight. You know, last night we had some bad weather come through. It woke me up and I grabbed my phone. I wanted to see what the weather was about. I wasn't, I wasn't clear minded. I wasn't thinking well.

So we need to think in a very serious sober manner here. And these are four things that I want us to get. First of all, this is a difficult job. Child rearing, parenting is a difficult job. The scriptures do not tell us that our children are good kids. They are not little angels. They are little devils. Proverbs 22 15 says, foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child. Romans 5 tells us that our children are born in the image of Adam, meaning that they are born with a sin nature and they are slaves to sin. I'll give you a good example.

Our friend Jared and his wife Megan, they have a little baby and they're in the middle of trying to train their son to sleep on his own. And what I was helping him with is I was explaining to him every time you put him down and he screams bloody murder, he is screaming for his own way. And he said, yeah, when you pick him up, he quits, quits cried. I said, he's screaming. I want my way. That selfishness. You might say in the heart of a little baby. Yes, that child is screaming for his own way. And listen, this is difficult. It is a difficult job. But notice this added to that is our sinfulness. Our sinfulness is parents.

We are sinners as well. We can be born again and we can work hard to parent. Well, we can work hard and try to do it the Bible way, but we are sinners too. And as a matter of fact, sometimes we have weaknesses that might not seem like sin that hurt us in areas, certain areas of our life with child reary. So I want us to see that this is a difficult job for one, our children are sinners and we are too. Then second, this is a vital job. What happens to a child if he or she is not trained and disciplined and corrected and such, the little angel will turn into a little devil real quick.

He or she goes on from a little devil to grow up to be a hellion. And then they will ruin their life and ruin the lives of others. And then in the end, they'll bust hell wide open. You see? And look, mom and dad, how important, how important is the soul of our son and our daughter? You see, this is vital. It's not just how he'll act when he's 10 or how she'll act when she's 18. This is eternal. And then number three, this is a serious job. Listen, from a parent's perspective, Hazzett-Solomon showed us that this is a serious job. If we do not teach our sons the ways of the adulterous woman, what happens?

If we don't teach our sons the ways of adultery and immorality, and remember that adulterous woman, what happens? You know? If we do not teach them the ways of wisdom and folly, what happens? They turn out to be a fool. I can go on and on and on. Think about all that we've studied. This is a serious job. And moms and dads, what happens if we do not teach them the way, the way that they should go? Then we can look up and they're into something like Mormonism. And we never taught them the way, the way they should go. So this is a serious job. And then four, this is a mysterious work. Notice I changed it from job to work.

This is a mysterious work. Here is what we must, here is where we must be on target. We must teach and train. Listen, we must be disciplined. We must work hard and we must teach and then we discipline them. We do everything that we can. But if God does not save our sons and our daughters, then at best they become religious. We can work hard and pray and do the best that we can do. But ultimately God has to do some mysterious work whereby he bends their will to the will of what the word says.

We can beg and pray and love, but ultimately if God doesn't take our efforts and even our failures and what we teach and do a work in their heart in their life, we're doomed. And listen, think about this. How many children grow up in the right circumstances? They grow up in a good home where the Bible is taught and they're not contradictions at home. They have a good church where the word of God is taught and people really do come to faith in Christ, but they go the way of the world. How many times does that happen? But then turn it around on the other side. How many times do we see this?

There's a kid and they come from a very non-Christian sinful circumstance and they come to VBS and they feel loved on and they get involved in the life of the church and they get saved and just live for God. Then we see maybe a teenager gets ministered to and they come from a very sinful situation and they get loved on or even an adult. We minister to them and they come out of an unchurched situation and they get saved and they live for God. So we must see that we do all that we can do, but ultimately it is a mystery.

And so what we do is we throw ourselves on God and we work hard for God in the lives of our children and ultimately we throw ourselves back on God. Why? Because it's a mysterious work. There's only so much we can do. We need God. Isn't that true? Now as I close, I want to point you to the title, "Training up our children." Notice it says "our." See it takes a family, takes mom and dad. You know sometimes it does take a single mom, a single dad. We got to be careful in the life of the church. We can't look at a single mom or a single dad and say you can't do it. If you look at Timothy, Timothy seems to have come from a dysfunctional home.

There's no indication that his father was Christian, but it seems that he had a godly mother and a godly grandmother and it seems that Paul was like this surrogate dad for him. See it does take a family. Remember what we learned on Mother's Day? A faulty but faithful family. God can use us in our faults and so it takes the family and it takes the church. Remember our Ephesians passage? Turn over to the Ephesians passage with me. It's going to sound pretty familiar. I think some of you have already read it. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." Oh, see if we do it wrong. We already covered some of that, did we not?

"But bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord." Now where was this written? It was written in the life of the church. It's written the fathers, families, yeah. But where were they planted? In the life of the New Testament church, a church there at Ephesus. So it takes the church. Now let me say a little word here about balance. There's some people that get so excited about the family they leave out the church. And then there are some people that they neglect what they should do in the life of the family and they dump it all on the church. It's got to be right down the middle.

I'm not here to parent your son or your daughter but you can't substitute the importance of a pastor in the life of their son and daughter's life. It takes both. You see, we're not saved and the family just sits off there to the side. We live in the church age, isn't that right? Remember our family we studied on Mother's Day? They were always going year after year to the synagogue. They're shallow, isn't that right? They were faithful to go to the church. And so it takes a family, even a broken family, even a faulty family, and it takes a church and there's no such thing as a perfect church. And then ultimately it takes a work of God.

It takes a work of God. So what do we see? Training of our children. I'll close with this. You know, one thing that we do in the life of our churches is we recognize graduates. Isn't that right? I think that's a good thing. There are a lot of things that we can do in the life of the church that just, you know, I've seen churches sing happy birthdays to everybody and I've seen churches recognize everybody's grandmother and you know, we're here to worship. But you know, we're pouring our life, pouring the truth and pouring our lives into children and teenagers. And when they grow up and reach that milestone of graduating, I think it's good.

But you know, this is the way it ought to be. If your son or your daughter stands up here and they were to give a testimony, they're graduating from high school, they ought to be able to say this, you know, my mom and my dad raised me right, taught me the word of God. I saw what real Christianity was. Oh, but yet so and so over here taught me vacation Bible school. And you know, Ms. So and So, she taught me Bible studies all the time. And you know, Brother So and So over here, he taught me Sunday school. They ought to look out and just name all of the people who impacted their life. That's what a church does.

We're not here to take your place. I'm not here to do your job, but we got to have both. And then we've got a son or a daughter. They come from a broken family. Maybe they come and they don't even have a mom and a dad in the life of the church. But they're like Timothy, they look out there and say, here was a man over here who was like Paul to me. I didn't have a dad, but he was a dad to me. You see, what are we looking at? Training up our children. And if we do this work together, we will raise up another generation that left God and are used in this world takes us all.